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So lost

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Lost and in pain, Jul 20, 2022.

  1. Just lost my husband of 42 years on 6/29. I am so lost, so scared, so alone.
     
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  2. Helena Beatriz

    Helena Beatriz Well-Known Member

    My name is Helena, I'm very sorry for your lost, I was like yourself so afraid and alone and finding this site has help me to continue in one piece without breaking apart, losing our partners of so many years is like half of us went with them. On the 23th will be six months since my husband left this universe, I was all alone, crying constantly, friends and family don't understand how horrible is this grieving journey. Again I'm so sorry for your lost, please take care of yourself and hopefully you'll continue in this site, all the grieving soldiers here are very supportive of each other, now I have made my friends known as The Grieving Soldiers of GIC.
    Helena
     
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  3. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Dear Lost, I'm deeply sorry to hear about
    the death of your husband after so many
    years, As my friend, Helena said ,you've
    come to the right place, My wife, of
    25 years, no children, died suddenly in
    front of me, over 3 & a half years ago.
    She was 68. Her name was Linda, I'm
    73, and my name is Lou. May I ask your
    name and your husband's? I was the
    one who came up with the phrase, The
    Grief Warriors (TGW) bc we never
    leave anyone on the battlefield of
    grief. I see that you live in Texas. I live
    on the northern coast of Massachusetts.
    I have 3 younger "brothers" on Grief in
    Common ( GIC): Gary. from Indiana,
    George, from Illinois, and Chad. from your
    state. I also have close widow friends.
    Nobody from Texas, but 3, incl. Helena,
    from South Carolina, 1 from Georgia, and
    one from Alabama. Out West, with a 3
    hour time difference, is Karen,from
    California, and Bernadine, from Oregon.
    Hope you will stay with us on GIC. Lou
     
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  4. Still trying to figure out how this site works..I had a stroke and 3 weeks later, my husband dies..it’s all too much..
     
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  5. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Lost, so sorry about your stroke. Email
    Karyn Arnold, the founder of GIC, to get her help. I did that when I first joined. Lou
     
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  6. Billfromwa

    Billfromwa Well-Known Member

    You are in my prayers.
     
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  7. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    My name is Karen. I'm so very sorry for your recent loss and your stroke. Double whammy. It's 19 months since I lost my hubby, Jack. Looking back I think the first year is the worst, then second year the grief changes in different ways. Hard to explain. But, the pain of the journey continues just changes. Take care, karen
     
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  8. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry for your loss. I will pray for your strength today and every day.
     
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  9. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband. And your health issues on top of it. I lost my husband unexpectedly to a massive heart attack. We were married 41 years. We did everything together, even ran a business together. Nothing prepares you for a loss os your soul mate. It takes you down in a split second, and getting back up takes so much time and effort. It is scary. Your loss is very recent. Don’t push yourself. And definitely take care of yourself. Your husband would want you to. I hope you have family and friends offering support, you need that more then anything else. You have a whole community of people here that understand what you’re going through and how you’re feeling. And never any judgement. Visit this site often, read and share thoughts. It does help. The site does take some time to figure out. You can also choose contact at the bottom of each page to ask for pointers. To reply to a specific post, click on reply when you’re finished click post reply. Might help you might make it more confusing. I’m sorry if that’s the case. You’re in my prayers to find some peace and help you move towards better days. Karen is so write that the first year is the hardest and the second is hard but in a different way. You’ve come to terms with the loss but need them even more.
    Sending you hugs, Robin
     
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  10. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Robin, your words of comfort to this
    potential new member, are eloquently
    moving, as always. My mission in life is
    to help others. In my daily life, I enjoy
    making people ( friends and strangers)
    laugh . I like to laugh with them. You and
    I have come a long way since the deaths of
    our soulmates. Lou
     
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  11. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Thank you Lou, I agree we have come a long way. It seemed impossible for so long and still does sometimes. But I feel stronger and have more better days. And that was my goal. This is a very long and hard process that we have to go through in our own way and time. We will never forget Ron or Linda, they will be with us forever. If I help just one person get through their struggle, then I’m happy. I have guilt sometimes that trying to help someone is actually helping me too. Robin
     
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  12. Rose69

    Rose69 Well-Known Member

    Hi, I just want to say my heart goes out to you for your loss, and I do hope you have recovered from your recent stroke. I lost my beloved husband from a sudden heart attack, just like Robin, he was only 57. I joined this group a while ago, and even if at times I just feel too sad to 'talk', I am glad I found it, wish I'd discovered this site earlier.

    Just like our lovely friends have said here, comforting you, it does take time, still so soon for you. It is important not to repress your feelings, write down whatever is going through your mind, feeling in your heart, only someone who has also lost a soulmate can relate and understand, so you have come to the right place here.
    Sending you strength and comfort.
    Rose.
     
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  13. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Rose, it's so good to see you on here at 4am,
    my time. I hope to roll over & sleep for
    another hour, when I usually get up. As
    I've mentioned, summer is my favorite
    season, bc the Neck ( our promenade) is
    lively , with both locals, who are my
    friends ( some own shops) and tourists.
    Every Friday night, I sit at a bar with a
    friend, wise soulmate died 3 years ago,
    listening to live music. He's actively
    seeking another woman, and can be
    restless. He sometimes drinks beer to
    work up the courage to talk with women
    in whom he's interested. I go for the
    music . I'm more relaxed than he is, bc as
    I've told others on GIC, incl. my brothers,
    Gary, George, and Chad, if it happens , it
    happens. I don't want to get married
    again. but might be interested in having
    a female companion with whom to take
    walks by the ocean, hear music at the
    cafe, share a meal, a laugh, and even a
    hug. It's complicated, bc I just woke up
    from a dream that I was hugging Linda,
    and saying I missed her. Last night, i was
    talking with another friend, whose wife
    died before mine. We talked about the
    afterlife briefly, and the idea we'd be
    reunited with our soulmates someday.
    But right now, we want to live life to the
    fullest. Lou
     
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  14. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Robin, I've managed to lose the guilt, but
    I had a hugging Linda dream at 4am. I
    saw you "talking" with Rose, and I replied
    to her , at length. I don't want to repeat my
    post,
    bc I want to sleep more. 4:30am is too early. Lou
     
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  15. Gary166

    Gary166 Well-Known Member

    Dear Lost I am terribly sorry for the loss of your husband of 42 years. My name is Gary and I lost my girlfriend Cheryl suddenly and unexpectedly of a cardiac arrest 15 months ago. Yes this site is hard to navigate. On the home page tap the menu button on the right (3 white bars), then tap “make a connection “ and then tap “see and share stories “. Scroll down to “loss of spouse “ and then you are with the most kindest compassionate loving and caring people you’ll ever know. I was in shock and depression 5 months after losing my beloved Cheerful Cheryl. I had never loved or felt loved by someone in my life other than Cheryl. In person grief support meetings counseling volunteering helped but GIC gave me more continuity to survive this miserable journey through grief. I can have hourly contact with people who care here. What I learned in hospice volunteer training is the surviving spouse’s mortality rate increases 40%. And they are likely to get a terminal illness within the first year after their loss. My cancer came back one month after losing Cheryl. There were times I wondered if I wanted to keep going. It took 9 months to get the feeling of normalcy. I balled my eyes out every morning for 3 months. I let the grief bubble out. Please don’t hit and run. Please Stay here. Make an all out effort to get connected to this site and the grief warriors. You are one of us and you are never alone. Gary
     
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  16. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Dear "Lost", I agree with my younger
    brother , Gary. I was angry and very
    frustrated when I tried to join GIC, a
    year ago. I emailed the founder, Karyn
    Arnold for help. You may want to do the
    same. You chose " Lost" for your thread,
    but there are different threads. The
    most common are Loss of Soulmate and
    Loss of Spouse. Don't give up! Lou
     
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  17. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Lou I hope you got to sleep some more. I can say I have less guilt but it’s not gone. Ron told me if something happens to him to enjoy life and not let life pass me by. He will be ok and waiting for me when it’s my turn. I’m trying. My kids are my life line. And as I just wrote Rose, I just got back from a short beach vacation. Very rejuvenating. We have been having shark sightings and attacks all around me here. Never had that before. I hope your dream hugging Linda didn’t bring too many tears. In my heart I feel she’s visiting you.
    Have a good day. Brutally hot here. Spending the day in my pool. Robin
     
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  18. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Robin, I don't complain about the summer
    heat,bc I love to talk with both locals &
    tourists. In Feb, I have to take a bus or
    train to a larger city. bc my small town
    is so quiet. Sorry you have shark problem.
    The ocean is very cold here, so I wade in
    only up to my knees. Lou
     
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  19. Rose69

    Rose69 Well-Known Member

    Hi, it's good to see you all on here again, Lou, Robin and Gary. We're in the middle of a 100F heatwave here. It is normal this time of year but the humidity just gets so unbearable. Lou and Robin, you are both very lucky living by the ocean, the breeze you get there must make your air much more breathable in these hot summer days. As you know, we live out in the country, amongst the hills, so it's not too bad really, in town temperatures are even higher, humidity worse. In fact Lou, like you once said about your town, in the summer our village is full of local tourists who escape from their scorching hot towns and cities nearby to come and stay in their holiday homes.
    Robin, thank you for your post in the other thread, yes it's amazing how our lives and family situations are very similar. I don't know if it's because it's summer and the days are so much longer, but lately I've just been feeling worse than ever, missing my C terribly, so many memories of all those summer holidays together, really hurts.

    Take care all of you, and thank you for being here.
    Rose
     
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  20. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Rose, I was depressed & felt confined, in
    winter,
    away from people, and lonely. I thought
    I might have a condition of depression,
    in the winter, for lack of natural light.
    But, I've heard that some people can be
    depressed in the summer, and "lonely
    in a crowd" like you seen to be right
    now, especially without C. Lou
     
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