Saturday Nights are killing me.

I can so relate to this. I too have been struggling with that loss. My husband held my hand for 38 years. Something so simple but so very intimate that I will never feel again. He held my hand going into the grocery store, or pulling me into the backyard to show me something. He held mine tight when our son died and when we saw our first grandchild. Driving to the corner store or walking in to a family dinner. I never realized how that simple act that was done automatically would be missed so much. It’s so hard the quiet and the loss of those touches make you ache. I understand how you feel and so do so many others here. Routines we once lived by are gone and everything we know has changed. You try very hard to remember the last I love you spoken and the last touch. You feel cheated because those simple words I love you don’t completely express the depth of your feeling. I am now choosing to think I am walking a different path and meeting many wise souls along the way - the grief warriors here whose posts I find comforting in knowing although I am alone I follow their footsteps and feel just a small bit less lonely. Warms hugs to you, Kelly

 

Heyhoney, your words are so true and poignant. I have her photographs, her letters, recordings of her voice, and my memories; but her touch is irreplaceable. What wouldn't I give for just one more embrace or even the simple touch of her hand? How many times has each of us said that?

 

Every day l dream of a touch.

 

You are the same age as I if "64" is the year you were born. And the loss of my Husband is just three weeks ago and it seems young for "us" to be widowed. A box I never wanted to check off! I have feelings of Profound Sadness that are simply indescribable. Much like your Saturday nights. I think. I am Sorry that you are feeling this way. I wish I had an answer as to how you get over this. But here is what I think based on your description of your marriage. She would not want you to feel awful. She knew what the two of you had together. So You must start building a new foundation for your life. She will be proud of your accomplishments. It may take time. Just do it at whatever pace feels right. I know that I am not sitting alone for long! I am not sure when...but there will come a Moment and I will know it is time. Best/ Kim Elizabeth

 

Thank you so much for "Liking" my post. My first one!!! I am on this Journey. No MAP! No GPS! So Sad....I sometimes cannot catch my Breath!! And I Wish to be with Him, George, My Love, for 26 years. But I don't know how to get to him except the obvious, and I am just not up to that! So here I am. With all of You! Thank You. And So it will Be...…..We will see. Kim Elizabeth

 

I saw your post last night before going to sleep, so I decided I would reply in the morning. Like everyone here, I repeat those words a trillion times every day, but this morning, it may sound crazy but I honestly, really DID feel his touch, his warm arms around me, during my dreams. It happened after I had suddenly woken up very early when it was still dark, it was very hot, so I opened the window a little, and went back to bed. That's when it all happened, my very, very vivid dream of being in his arms, I "swear" (perhaps I shouldn't use this word, but it's how I feel!) I physically felt him and it seemed that I was awake, conscious of what was happening. I am now over the moon, overwhelmed with joy, but so sad and disappointed too, that he went away again, and I have to face another long day without him. I often dream of his hugs, but not actually "feeling" them, so this was different, just like another vivid dream when I had seen him lying beside me one morning, and then getting up. These particular dreams always happen early morning when I have already woken up but dozed off again as I was still sleepy. It feels like being awake and asleep at the same time. I hope to get more of these false awakenings, or whatever they are called. I wish that moment could have lasted forever.
Rose.

 

Rose, I'm glad your hug dreams
of C. bring you some comfort
and joy. Some would say C.
was paying you a visit from the
afterlife, to say that he loves you,
and that he's OK. Sadly, as I've
said before on GIC, my hug Linda dreams made me swear
& cry, upon awakening, when I
realized they were only dreams
but the reality is that she was not by my side physically. As
Jonathan Santlofer writes in his
book ,The Widower's Notebook,
his wife, Joy ( and my wife,
Linda ) will NEVER come back
physically. I used to weep at
these hug dreams. I had one
recently. I didn't sob, but had to
wipe tears from my eyes. Lou

 

Kim Elizabeth, let me say how
deeply sad and sorry I am
about the death of your
husband of 26 years, George. You
are very brave to come on Grief
in Common ( GIC). Not only that.
but you gave us your name and.
that of your husband. My wife,
Linda, collapsed in front of me,
and soon died. from a pulmonary embolism. She was
68. We were married 25 years.
As I write this, it all seems so
unreal, even though Linda's
death happened over 4 & a half
years ago. I was in a state of
shock, couldn't sleep, had PTSD,
and drank too much, which led
to depression and suicidal
ideations. I had to see a grief
counselor. She kindly suggested
GIC, but I didn't join 'til 2 years
ago. My regret is that I didn't
join sooner, like you did. I have
met many kind widowers and
widows here. I have 3 widower
brothers at present; Jeff, from
Texas (in his 70s like me), Gary,
from Indiana, and George ( your
husband's name), from Illinois.I also have close widow friends.
Some live in South Carolina, like
Patti, DEB, Helena, and , one of
our newest members, Georgine.
I came up with the name, The
Grief Warriors ( TGW) to describe us. On this site, it is
possible to reach out privately
to another member, by checking
off "Start a Conversation", and
stating the user name of the
person with whom you want to
write personal emails. For
example, my name is Lou, but
my user name is Van Gogh.
Some people can email, then
exchange texts and phone
numbers. In a few instances,
some members can even get
together. I wish we all could,
and give each other a group
hug. I noticed in your info that
you live in Massachusetts. So do
I. We are the only ones who do
right now . I live on the North
Shore , and am grateful to God
to still be alive, and in this
beautiful area by the sea, which
I now call my forever home.
May I ask if you live near the
ocean , too, Kim Elizabeth? Lou

 

Deb,

I'm so sorry it's taken me this long to respond, but I didn't see this until earlier today. It's been awhile since you posted this, so I hope your yard is looking good, and you completed your master's.

I'm teary eyed "talking" to you because it makes me feel so good knowing that some of the things I've said have helped you, as we all do the very best we can to move forward on this EFFING!!! (variety is the spice of life) path we've been forced to travel.

I'm teary eyed just knowing that you've been thinking about me, but, and this is another one of those really BIG!!! BUTS!!!, only in the very best of ways. I greatly appreciate your support and prayers more than I can ever express in words...

I've been emotionally and physically burnt out. It's not one thing, but a result of all the things that have happened to me in the past 27 months. Bob transitioned in April, 2021, 15 months and 1 day later, my car was t-boned, totaled, (I had to buy another one during the car shortage last summer), I was injured, resulting in months of doctors appointments and PT, then in March of this year, I ended up in the hospital with sepsis, a couple other medical issues, and had to have an emergency surgery. These are the worst things, and would have been more than enough without a bunch of added extras tossed in, all household maintenance issues. Long story short, I had to have a street tree with an invasive root system removed before it damaged my water line, I had to purchase a new dishwasher, which needed fixing a week after it was delivered, my refrigerator had to be repaired, and then my central AC had to be replaced.

I'm beginning to finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I'm feeling better, but I'll be mostly MIA through next week, when I have to deal with the remaining sh*t, compliments of the accident. Once in the rear view mirror, I'll be around a little more often. I miss you and all of TGW, our GIC "family."

As always, sending you lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace, all the way from TUTTAMVILLE... DEB & Skye







'

 

OMG Deb. I thought I've had it bad, but reading this makes my problems around here minor. I hope you have support to endure all these trials. You are a very strong woman. It's remarkable you are still standing. I applause you. I wish my arms could reach all the way to South Carolina to give you the "biggest" HUG. You are a "real" warrior of life. K

 

Oh Rose what a profound and soul shaking experience. I’ve dreamed of my guy often but alas they are just dreams. Closest I’ve come to an experience like this is two days after he died I dreamed of my mother, it was so real. She has been gone a number of years but in this dream she was in my backyard in her best coat and she hugged me close. My mom was not a hugger. But she hugged me and said I’ve got him. I woke up calling out Mom….I didn’t want that moment to end. I could feel her arms. It was a great comfort. I hope with everything I have that these little experiences are real. Hugs to you, Kelly

 

Rose, How revitalized you must be! "Over the moon" and "overwhelmed with joy" would have to be understatements. What a memory to treasure and to recall whenever needed! Your repeated wishes (prayers) every day for that moment have finally been answered. And, by the way, it doesn't sound crazy to me. I have had a life-changing spiritual encounter of my own, and I can assure you that we aren't the only ones. Comfort from the spiritual world to believers and answers to their prayers is promised throughout the Bible. Jeff.

 

Kim Elizabeth, I’m so very sorry for the loss of your husband George. I see he passed suddenly, that’s how my husband Ron passed too, 4 1/2 years ago. The day started like any other Saturday, never in my wildest dreams did I think my soul mate of 41 years married and 44 years together would pass that day. I can still feel the pain, the emotions the desperation I had that night. And everything we did that day from the food we ate to the errands and chores. He was the picture of health, we thought. That night He didn’t feel well, his stomach was upset starting at 9:30. Realized it was his heart and I call 911. He passed at the hospital at 11:34 as the doctors tried to save him. I can picture my daughter screaming and me hysterically crying when they came in to tell us. You’re so right. There’s no map to help us through. I can hear Ron yelling he loved me as he lay on the stretcher waiting to go into the ambulance. That was his last gift to me and I treasure it. I can also hear him saying from conversations over the years that if he passes before me to please live life try to be happy and that he will be waiting for me when it’s my turn. That’s much easier said than done but I’m trying to live life I still try and make him proud every single day proud that I’m his wife. The best thing I did since his passing was joining this site. It’s full of compassionate people who understand every feeling that we go through every struggle all the ups and downs and I credit this site for helping me on this journey that no one wants to be on. Other than the site I would say make sure you get fresh air each day do your best to eat healthy make a list of things that need to be done so that’s not on your mind too. And visit this site each day read and share thoughts and stories it does help. I hope you have people in your life family and friends to help support you. You have a whole new family on the site that care for you and understand and we will give the support that we can.
Sending you love and hugs, Robin

 

I have no idea how that emoji was added. At least it’s appropriate.

 

Robin, I'm in a breakfast place
on a perfect mid July , sunny,
high 70s day. Decided to check
GIC, and saw your post to Kim
Elizabeth. I had noticed in her
info, that she lives in my state
of. Massachusetts. I told her I
live on the North Shore, & asked
what part of Ma. she lives, but
she didn't reply. Perhaps she
would like to keep that to
herself, & I understand. Anyway,
as I read the part of your daughter screaming, and you
hysterically crying over Ron,
Karen's Mr. Grief paid me an
unexpected visit, and I teared up,hoping the people at the
next table didn't see. ( They
didn't).Your tragic scene reminds
me of Jonathan Santlofer"s
daughter breaking down in
front of him when she found out
about the sudden, shocking
death of her mother, Joy. OK,
Robin, time to" seize the day"
and cross the street to the
Farmer's Market on the green.
I hear a guitar & the beautiful
voice of a woman. Time to
close my eyes & just breathe
for a while......Lou

 

Lou, I feel your pain, I had the same reaction as you when I read Robin's post, there are so many similarities. I'll never forget those last moments, my daughter crying out "Dad, Dad!", while trying CPR, my son helping her desperately, me screaming and running outside to check that the ambulance was arriving. I still can't believe all of this really happened. These vivid memories are imprinted in my mind, and I don't know how many times a day I still live through those moments over and over again.

I hope you have a peaceful afternoon Lou, listening to those musicians.
Rose.

 

Robin, like I've just told Lou, I got very teary-eyed reading your post. We had no warning signs either. Who would have ever thought something like that could happen? My C was a very active, fit, strong and healthy 57 yr-old. I still cry out to him, asking where he is because I cannot accept that he can just suddenly disappear out of the blue.
Robin, I also remember exactly everything about that day, what we had for lunch, what we were wearing, what we had done that morning and the day before. In your previous post Robin, I was touched about how you find your Ron's flannel shirt comforting. I purposely left one of C's white shirts unwashed, because the sleeves are still rolled up, like he often used to do on warm days. So every so often (when I feel I won't break down), I take it out of the wardrobe, cuddle it, looking at the rolled-up sleeves, telling him : "You did that, so that's how they're going to stay! ".

I am so glad to have you and everyone on this site to be able to share all my feelings. We are a strong, solid team, supporting each other in every way. There are so many thoughts I share with you all that I wouldn't dream of telling anyone else, they just wouldn't understand.
Rose.

 

Thank you, Kelly, and I was also touched reading your experience with your mother, I can just imagine how you must have felt while she hugged you. Those words she said to you were very moving , considering you had just lost your beloved soulmate, she was reaching out to comfort you.
Sending you a hug too.
Rose.

 

Kelly, I agree with Rose (as I
often do!) about your moving
story about your dear mother
giving you comfort from the
afterlife. I see signs of Linda
looking after me. For example,
sometimes when I look at the
time on my phone as I'm about
to call a friend ( incredibly,
Linda didn't live long enough to
see ANY of my friends), I'll see
her birth date, NOT death date,
& will smile. Lou