Dec 23 - Jan 23 - I guess it's one month, but it's really 4 weeks and 3 days. Every day is a bit harder. I've seen in some groups, and someone told me last night that for their mother losing her husband, the 2nd year was actually harder. So I just don't know. 10 years of caregiving I think kind of melded us together in a way that maybe wasn't "normal", and now a part of me is ripped away and the loss, sorrow, and pain is just too much and getting worse. I'm bleeding.
I am sorry for your loss. I agree that caregiving forms a special bond between two people. It happened with me an my 28 year old son, who I lost as a result of suicide. Your life kind of becomes only focused on the need of the other person, so that when they are gone, it is devastating. You are in the very initial phases of a grief walk. It will not get any easier for awhile because the person you loved so much because a large chunk of your hear has been ripped out. No wonder there is so much pain even physically in that area of the chest. This is only normal to be so missing the person you took care of and loved so much. It will take awhile for that open wound to heal. But it can heal, especially with God's special love for you and for that person. He can carry you on through, even when that seems impossible. I thought it was totally impossible to go on even one more day, but God rescued me. It didn't happen overnight, but it happened. There is a scripture that says, 'Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him." Ask Him to give you that patience for yourself and your situation. Take good care of yourself. Try to get outside everyday and take a walk even if it is just a short one. The fresh air and God's creation have healing qualities about them. Don't try to rush this grief walk. It will go at its own pace. Just be mindful of your feelings and don't try to suppress them. Let them out-sometimes tears are the only way for them to escape. There is no right or wrong about grief feelings. They are just that--feelings. And God can help you get through them if you ask Him for help. We care about you here and, even more, we understand the deep deep pain and heaviness that is grief Stay connected here for support. You need that. Chris
