Papa, can you hear me?

Discussion in 'Dealing With Multiple Losses' started by Marieke, Mar 10, 2019.

  1. Marieke

    Marieke New Member

    When I was nine, my father passed away after a long fight against several illnesses. Every year I got to spend my birthday with him, was one more than the doctors gave him. I don't think I ever got over it. In fact, ever since I lost him I've been searching for someone to fill the shoes of my father. I wanted a father-like love, unconditional and powerful. I wanted to feel safe and protected. I wanted to feel like a little girl. But when I met someone who made me feel safe enough to open up to him - after years of silent depression - I lost him to leukemia. In his wake, I've met a few good men who tried to fill their shoes, but no love proved quite as unconditional as that of my dad and my Aiden. I miss them. Every day.
  2. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Marieke, I am so sorry for your losses. Losing such significant people in our lives can have a long term effect and make it hard to find anyone who will measure up. I think it's important to remember that the people in our life make a very specific imprint, like a handprint, on our heart. When they are gone, we will never find anyone who can fill that same space or shape exactly as someone did before. What usually works better is to make more room, to open ourselves up, and to realize that what would serve us better is not the search for a replica of a person we'll never find, but instead making space for someone who can add their own unique goodness to our life. In loss I think perspective may be the only thing we can change, and in searching for support, I hope you can find some comfort here. Thank you for joining us~
    Marieke likes this.