Over the rainbow 2 years later

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Gary166, May 28, 2023.

  1. Gary166

    Gary166 Member

    Greetings the grief warriors. I celebrated my beloved Cheerful Cheryl’s 2 year transition date 3 weeks ago. 2 years and 3 weeks ago when the decision was made to stop life support for Cheryl I had 2 thoughts. one was watching the wind blow pages off the calendar while Cheryl’s flower garden was being consumed by the environment as I was dying a lonely miserable death. The second was wondering if I would feel better in 2 years. And yes I do feel better even while accepting the physical dream life I had with Cheryl has come to an end. The nonphysical dream life continues with Cheryl because I want the relationship to continue. During this month I celebrated Cheryl’s and my birthday and the date we met. Since my last post on GIC I had my email hacked, I got locked out of my phone, and was broken into at deer camp. I was panic mode until I changed the passwords and my email address. The rest was just shit happens. I have been discouraged before and will again but I’m not giving up. I want to keep living and keep trying to heal. I celebrated my beloved Cheryl by going deeper into photos that I hadn’t looked at. They are in files on Cheryl’s computer and I’m learning more about using it. I walked the labyrinth and did guided meditations where I saw Cheryl with me. By using my imagination Cheryl doesn’t seem to have been gone for a long time. Because of health issues IMG_3352.jpeg I came out of isolation 2 weeks ago and have been meeting with a group that walk nature trails and then go out to eat. They call themselves the Wild Walkers. I’m going kayaking with another group this Tuesday. I have a volunteer opportunity to check out Wednesday. We have to keep living. We have to keep stumbling forward. We have to keep encouraging each other and empowering ourselves. Bless you all. I’m going to celebrate my beloved Cheerful Cheryl again tomorrow. Gary
  2. lbrearey09

    lbrearey09 Member

    I really like how you are still spending your day with Cheryl. It really helps me to see signs from Bill around me. One moment I am crying and the next moment I am happy finding a feather in my yard, or seeing a butterfly flutter around me. It helps. Thanks for the photo as well.
  3. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    Garbear, did you see my pic with your cane you made me here on CIC. Ms Hmm.
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  4. Gary166

    Gary166 Member

    No I didn’t Ms. Hum. I would like to see it. Thanks. Garbear
  5. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    Garbear it's under Getting through graduation and holidays thread.
  6. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    May 7th is the date.
  7. Gary166

    Gary166 Member

    Thanks Ms. Hum. You look great sporting your hiking stick. Nice deck too. Very hot in Indiana today and there has been no rain for almost three weeks. Garbear
  8. Gary166

    Gary166 Member

    Hello Grief Warriors. My beloved Cheerful Cheryl’s favorite wooden chair was getting so rickety I was afraid of it collapsing. I didn’t want to throw it away so I decided to put it on the edge of my beloved Cheerful Cheryl’s flower garden under a tree. After doing so I noticed it needed leveling. While I was standing there I felt my head get really warm and I couldn’t figure it out until I saw the reflection of the sun in the upstairs window warming my face. I looked at the chair and started to cry happy tears and I said I know it is you my beloved. I didn’t think Cheryl would come this quickly but I’m really glad I put her chair there. Today I decided it was time to burn all of Cheryl’s tax documents. I felt happy and sad about this. I made sure the fire was completely burned out and sat by Cheryl’s chair on the edge of her flower garden under a tree. Gary

    Attached Files:

  9. Rose69

    Rose69 Well-Known Member

    Hi Gary, nice to see you back and Hi to all my friends here, this morning I'm just popping out of my GH mode (Grief Hybernation) to greet you all. Gary, that's a sweet story about your Cheryl's chair, she must be smiling cheerfully watching you take care of it for her. I'm sure you will gain great comfort sitting there, feeling her next to you, during this new warm season.
    We're still waiting for our real Summer to arrive, the rain has calmed down but the afternoons always get cloudy and dull, often with thunderstorms. The only sign I'm noticing that proves we're in the month of June, are the fireflies at night flickering around amongst the trees, my C and I used to stand often outside in our back yard watching this spectacular illuminating show. This is a photo I found on internet, I don't know how to (or if it's even possible!) take photos in the dark with my smartphone.

    Sending hugs to you all.

    Attached Files:

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  10. eyepilot13

    eyepilot13 Well-Known Member

    Hey GIC friends.. just a short note. I am still here and go on GIC everyday. I try to read everything and like it so you know I'm here. I do not KNOW how I am... kinda ok, kinda not. I just moved again 2 weeks ago. My first time living alone and I am too tired anxious, wearied and sore to put everything away quickly therefore I do not yet have an art spot set up. I hope to pull my SHT together again and start feeling better but even tho I love my new apt. it is hard cuz it's making me miss Valerie even more. MG hit me last night for the first time in months! MG hit hard! Peace great luck and much love to you all!
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  11. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member


    I love!!! hearing that you love!!! your new apartment!!!, TUTTAM!!! It SUCKS!!! that MG found your new address last night, but at the same time, you sound so much better since you've moved. Be gentle with yourself. This is the first time since Valerie transitioned that it's just you, not you and TB, or you, TB and his girlfriend. I think it's good that you're finally able to put yourself first, focus on your needs...

    I know it's easier said than done, TUTTAM!!!, but do whatever works best to help you get the rest you need. All that unpacking can wait until you feel a little better. When you feel up to putting things away, maybe you could start by setting up your art spot. Have you ever thought of creating a masterpiece for Valerie? Just an idea...

    I finally moved Bob's glasses, the pair with only one lens, that he gave me to take home from the hospital, on what turned out to be his final night on earth, from the corner of the entertainment center in the living room, to a special place on my dresser in our (still can't say my) bedroom. As crazy as this sounds, that pair of glasses makes me feel closer to Bob.

    I HATE!!! sounding so pessimistic, but bittersweet is here to stay... All we can do, is to keep on keeping... Remember that everything is always subject to change... Find something to be grateful for each day... You've got this!!! You are the UGW!!!, TUTTAM!!!

    You are honoring Valerie's memory every day by doing everything you possibly can to move forward in this over the top!!!, f*cked up world, we've been thrown into. I believe Valerie is very proud of all that you've accomplished since she transitioned... Valerie is smiling down on you from somewhere in heaven...

    I know none of this makes you feel any better, but know that as always, I'm thinking of you, keeping you, and all TGW, in my daily prayers...

    Sending you lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. Debanator and Skye Queeen
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  12. Gary166

    Gary166 Member

    Rose, thanks for saying Cheryl is cheerfully watching me taking care of her flowers. I like the term you invented GH (grief hibernation mode). I believe GH mode is a important survival tool for all TGW (the grief warriors). There have been 3 times in the past 19 months or since I joined GIC I had to go into GH mode. In the 6 needs of the mourner it says it is not wise to take on too much grief at one time. We have to move away from the grief from time to time and then move towards grief when we are ready again. Grief burn out sucks big time. I want to go the long haul on my grief journey. That’s what makes this site so special no one judges and we are free to come and go. I went to the antique store where Cheryl had part of her business today. I was looking for deer antlers and saw the manager named Penny. Before I could ask her Penny said there are some antlers here that I believe belong to Cheryl and gave them to me. I wanted to stop here before I met some classmates at a pizza place. As I walked around looking I began to get emotional and wondered if I would make it for pizza. I concentrated on breathing awareness and shifted my thoughts away from what I was thinking to what I was seeing and left the store feeling positive. I talked to Penny some more about Cheryl and we hugged. Meeting 7 classmates was another story. One’s brother just died suddenly. Another’s husband fell from a tree hunting and is paralyzed. Another one’s wife died of an aneurysm 16 years ago and he had a heart transplant. I was like wow life is happening to everyone. That was my first gathering with them. It’s only once a month. I liked it. Gary
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  13. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    Garbear that really choked me up. Beautiful surroundings.
  14. Countess Joy

    Countess Joy Well-Known Member

    Oh Gary that's a beautiful spot. ~B
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