I recall trying to explain that feeling of happy that mixes with sad to Deb. She answered she couldn’t even imagine how that would feel. Eventually she shared how she experienced that feeling. And yes you did add to the conversation. Sharing how we met our spouses can be difficult. I recently shared how Ron and I met with a friend and how we shared later on that we each knew that night when I was 16 and Ron was 19 that we had met our soulmate. That’s a happy iced with sad feeling for me every time I think of it. And Ron shared our meeting with everyone. Hope you’re resting Lou. “ Summer”
Just been reading all your posts, my dear GW friends, it's 7am here, although I've been up a couple of hours already as usual. I just want to wish you all a good night and peaceful dreams. Rose.
Summer, I did the same thing you did, telling a long time married couple how Linda & I met. I did it lovingly ,with a smile, and the wife beamed , and said how sweet the story was. I don't think I could've told this story years ago, without weeping. Thank you for remembering that I added to your conversation with DEB. She found you first. I hope her ears are burning, and she will join us again soon, with her classic " books" to give comfort to others, including new members, like Joe. Lou
Yes, I reached out to Deb early on. I know I tried to help you with the site way back. And I felt like you may have given up for a while and then tried again. I could be wrong of course. It is confusing for new comers and dealing with brain fog. We look for a specific way to start and there really is no right way. That’s why I found the site confusing. Summer
Yesterday I heard someone say that Grief is not an emotion. Sad, happy, lonely, content, desperate... those are emotions. Those are emotions that we feel. But Grief. Grief is a different kind of energy. We experience it in a different way. I really get that. Maybe This is why we don't relate to grief before it happens. If you've never experienced grief you expect it to be a feeling. Something tangible and temporary. From the outside it looks like an emotion. Grief is not an emotion. Grief is a sensation that that we can't describe. We don't have the vocabulary to explain how it moves in us like the ocean. It's not a feeling. It's deeper than that. TGWs share Grief while having different emotional experiences that are unique and similar to each other's. When I try to "feel" Grief, as we do with emotions, I feel confused. Life doesn't make sense. I don't know how to move. When I can just let Grief be here, not fighting it, I feel it sitting inside me and traveling through life with me. It's the attachment and attunement with Kenn, and the life we lived/aren't living here together. Grief ebbs and flows under my life in the world. Through feelings of turmoil and calm, happy and sad, bittersweet and irony. Everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Hollow and Living (somehow) forward. ~B **Speaking of ironic, George, isn't it odd how Grammar isn't useful when you're trying to communicate how you feel. Sometimes Punctuation stands in the way of art.
Good memory, Summer! You're exactly right. I was angry, depressed, and so frustrated that I contacted Karyn Arnold to say I was ready to give up. I recall reaching out to you, and you were very patient & kind. Thank you. LobsterDude, as Brother George calls me, among many other fun nicknames !......
Lou you make me smile every time you call me Summer. Thank you for that. I had to reach out to Karyn too. And the. I finally got the nerve to spill my heart out and no one answered my post. I was sure I did something wrong. And I stopped looking. Then I finally got an email alerting me that someone responded. As I read his long and caring post I cried. Someone finally understands what I’m feeling. It felt wonderful. Just knowing there’s someone who gets this. And you’re welcome Lou. Summer
Summer, one time, around Halloween,GIC system went down. Some members were able to get back on, but I was in the dark, & furious. I emailed Karyn & sarcastically asked if this was a Halloween prank. She said no, that the system had to be rebooted. A member could see how angry I was , & reached out to me privately, and we've been emailing and texting ever since, in case this happens again. Like you, I'm trying to be calm & get outside, even in winter, our least favorite season. I have to remind myself that George, living in the bitterly cold winds of greater Chicago, always has it worse than we do. Lobster Man
Bernadine, just reread your powerful post on grief. Thank you. As one who sees the changing tides and waves of a nearby ocean , I'm struck with the parallel to grief. It doesn't stand still, and is always with us. During a storm, at high tide, the ocean seems furious. I've felt that about the unfairness of Linda not allowed to grow old with me, as planned. Other times, there's an eerie calm, barely a ripple, on the water, and I feel a peace, though a sad one. I've sat on the same bench, upon which Linda & I sat, looking out to sea. As I've said before, I walk with Linda's cane for balance. When I sit on that bench, I hold the cane she held in her hand. Oh how I wish she was physically here beside me with that cane. I will have to be content with her spirit watching over me, and sharing stories about Linda with others. Lou
Oh, that is so true. Grief is definitely not an emotion, that's why whoever hasn't experienced it cannot possibly comprehend the effects and what it's like to live with grief. Emotions can also be temporary, just passing by, like laughing at a joke and then minutes later it's all forgotten, they can be controlled, but grief can't be, it's grief that takes control of our minds, body and soul and we build our lives around it. Thank you B for this heartfelt insight. Rose
Rose, your concise summary of the post by Bernadine, reminds me of Dr. Alan Wolfelt's explanations of Center for Loss quotations. Woke up very early with a headache after many dreams about people I don't know, but with whom I was involved. So , I appreciated your clarity. Thank you. Lou
Lou I remember that well. I recall you feeling like you were kicked off the site. And this site had it happen again and for such a long time I wasn’t getting the alerts of people posting. After the Halloween reboot I also shared emails with people so we didn’t lose touch. We communicate through emails and texts too. Once Bill , MusicMan, lost his password and he panicked that he would never reach me again. Once he was able to get back on here, his therapist encouraged him to ask me for my email and also shared info with his therapist. Sadly Bill can’t email any more Through his therapist I got his number and he can text short messages. Going to try to rest some more. Robin
