Great to hear from you, Chad! Also good to hear you enjoyed the beach in Calif. It's cooler fall weather in New England now. Some trees have beautiful red, orange, & yellow leaves. Other trees are bare, sadly, due to windy, rainy days. Glad your sister will visit the 29th. Will she stay through Halloween ? That's big here. It falls on a Monday, but will be celebrated Sunday, My view of anniversaries is to celebrate the birth dates of our soulmates, rather than the death dates. Lou
Yes she will be here for about a week. I agree about birthdays. Me and Lizzy had some good memories and adventures on her birthday!
Chad, My sister calls the date of her daughter’s death an angelversary. That just might fit for Lizzy and the family from the way you recall her.
Glad you enjoyed the pics. Yes, we drive on the beach. Its so fun! It’s like a mini vacation. We go year round and stay in my daughters car when it’s cold and open the windows to feel the ocean air. I really wish you could join us. I’ve had a boat almost all of my life. I know you and C would love boating, fishing and crabbing. I have such wonderful memories of being on the water growing up and taking my kids. But now, we drive on the beach. And watch fishermen, surfers and see dolphins and seals. And the whale as you know. I’m glad you got to go in those beach vacations and live in such a beautiful area. Robin
Bernadine, Your sister is a very wise woman. What a very special, beautiful way, to think of such an over the top tragic event... I'm going to tell my next door neighbors about this post. One of their granddaughters died about five years ago. A couple of their friends bought them a tree, and planted it in their backyard in her memory... My neighbors are teary eyed whenever they think of her... I hope when the next anniversary of their granddaughter's death arrives, they'll think of it as an angelversary... maybe being able to smile (just a little bit) through the tears... As always, sending you and Maggie lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
Lou, long time no see. I hope you have been doing well. I know I was struggling around the 1 year mark and I was making some pretty bad decisions. I want to thank you for encouring me to stop drinking. I ended up having a wake up call one night coming home from the bar, I missed my turn and ended up in the ditch. I was lucky in that I and no one else was hurt. But just thinking that I could have been the reason that someone else's love wasn't with them anymore was the scariest feeling I have had since Lizzy was in the hospital. I haven't been drinking for the past month and half and I have felt a lot better, even sleeping better. I know its still a short time but hopefully I can keep motivated to keep going. This group has probably saved my life in more ways than I even know. Hope everyone can find some peace. -Chad
Chad, thank you so much for replying to me today. I was worried when we didn't hear from you. Whenever I welcomed a new member to GIC, I always said I have THREE younger brothers: Gary, from Indiana, George , from Illinois, and our youngest, Chad, from Texas. As I've said on here , I still cry ( & swear) every morning , even after over 4 years, that Linda is no longer physically with me. But, her spirit is. Bc of balance issues, I walk with her cane. It gives me comfort that the cane was in her hand, and that she's telling me to walk slowly across the street. We've just had a snowstorm, but I can't complain,bc George's greater Chicago weather, with its' bonechilling winds & more snow, is so much worse. I'm proud of you, Chad, for giving up drinking. Because alcohol is deceiving, bc of a short term high, it is ultimately a depressant. My wake up call was crying at a bar, & nobody wanted to be around me. Like you, I feel better physically, mentally, and get more sleep. I still get sad every morning, but that's only natural , after 25 years of marriage. Linda made me promise to be healthy, try to be happy, and even to find another woman. I'm not actively seeking, and it's difficult in the winter, but I'm open to another relationship, but not marriage. Please try to keep in touch George came out with funny nicknames for us: Lombardo Da Vinci for him, bc he's an artist , and Lobster Lou, Lousterino, & other names for me. I call Karen, "Ms. Hum", bc "hum" is one of her trademark words. Karen calls Gary, the wilderness man & hunter, Garbear. These funny distractions are a needed break from our daily grief. Lou
It's so hard when the only time you ever feel the least bit happy is when you are buzzed. The only time I'm remotely interested in anything is when I got buzzed but the afterwards depression and sickness keeps me from drinking. It's close to the two year mark for me since Valerie died and I feel like a total mess right now. I don't feel good about myself and I kinda hate everything lately. I know this is just a phase and it will get better but everything is so difficult to do!
George, The mark of another year is a very hard time leading up to and as it passes. That’s the hardest time of year for me. I relive everything that happened and ache head to toe. I know Lou tries to do the opposite and stick to celebrating Linda’s birthday or their wedding anniversary. I do too. But the date our lives came crashing down, I can’t ignore. It’s 4 years for both Lou and myself. I try to remember the happy times and life we had to help me get through. The happy memories are sad too though. You’re right. It is a phase. You’ll get through. TGW are here to help you. Robin
Robin, or as I like to call you, Summer, I struggle every morning, & cry over Linda. As I pointed out, it was in the morning when I made coffee & breakfast, and we'd have it together. Now, I like to go out for breakfast. Today, I went to a coffee shop with a couple, who were high school sweethearts, married over 50 years. They asked how I met Linda, & I told them, with a smile, no tears. But, after they left, I felt the happy mixed with sad , which you famously invented when you greeted DEB & me over a year ago. Lou
I use Lizzy's butterfly tea cup everynight for the same reasons you listed for using Linda's cane. It's nice to have something like that they used. I have been really trying to focus on my health and work out regulary. I think that has also helped tremedously.
I definitely understand that sentiment, that is kind of the way I felt as well. It is so difficult when that’s the only thing you want to do even though I knew it would end up making everything worse. We can get through it though. I feel like we have all sort of survived going through hell, we can do some pretty hard things. The Grief Warriors indeed!
Chad,I'm so happy you're back on GIC. Brother Gary sent you a message ,as well. Amazingly, Patti ( who hasn't been on here for quite a while) put a "LIKE" on your 2 posts. I'm glad bc I was worried about her, too. Even if she's not up to posting, we know she's following us. It's also good to see Brother George on here with you. We're all in this grief journey together. Brother Lou
It's so true getting buzzed doesn't really help much in the long run. It is so hard during those desolate days when you kind of hate everything. I've had a lot of those lately. I just need to be patient and accept that it will pass.
Yay,Lombardo Da Vinci!I knew I could depend on you to bring your bright colors--5 of them!---to cheer us Grief Warriors with winter blues on top of grief. Thank you, BroGeo. You kept your word for Wed Art Therapy. Just hope Helena, from S.C., who used to join you, is OK. Lousterino
