I’d like to say hello to everyone. Hope everyone is getting through each day as best as they can. I’ve been off for a while and trying to get back in with all my friends. I haven’t read everything just yet. I spent a week with my son in Florida and had such a nice time having both my children with me. They are what keeps me going, they’re my motivation. And my first day having them both by my side I told them it was the best day I’ve had in such a long time. Plus my son had saved my birthday gift to hand to me in person. A beautiful necklace that looks like a beautiful stone but when you look through it there’s my favorite picture of Ron and I. I’ve been back home a while but I got sick shortly after getting home. Then my daughter got sick too. We both did Covid tests, thankfully we both tested negative. I believe we had the flu. It took a lot out of each of us. Suffering with RA, I tend to get things worse. It took a while but I’m feeling like myself again and have done some things to prepare my house and yard for the winter. Which I’m dreading. As I’m sure many of you are dreading as well. Plus as Lou mentioned I’m coming up on 4 years since I lost half of me. Nov 17. A day I remember so vividly. A day that was like any day but has wonderful memories because they’re the last times we spoke and hugged. And then the devastation. I’ve come a long way and I know Ron is watching and feeling very proud. He’s still in my life, but it’s different. I can feel him though. While in Florida with my son we made plans to spend Thanksgiving together. I’m looking forward to that. My electricity problem thankfully was all repaired while I was in Florida. My older brother and his friend a certified electrician took care of all of it for me and gave me a break in cost too. My home is now safe. I’m sorry I’m a little out of the loop on what everyone has going on. But I’ve continued to pray for peace for all my GIC family
Robin, so glad to see you on here today. You & I are twins in grief bc our soulmates died right before Thanksgiving, 2018. I found your words moving when you said you "lost half of" you when Ron died. I feel the same way, but as I've said on GIC before, I prefer to think of Linda's birth date, rather than death date. Ironically , you wrote your post at 10:13, which is Linda's birthday. Lou
Thank you Lou, and yes we are grief soul mates. So Linda’s birthday is coming up fast. I know you’ll celebrate her life in a fitting way. And I know Linda is observing and loving you for it. I celebrate Rons life on the last day I heard and so many witnesses heard him profess his love to me for everyone to hear. And also his birthday in Feb. also the day I met Ron was the best day of our lives. We celebrated that day in May and I still do along with our anniversary in June. I understand your thoughts on preferring to celebrate Linda’s birthday. And appreciate your thoughts. I also know you celebrate every day you and Linda had together. I’ll be thinking of you and Linda on 10/13, sending you good wishes, thoughts and prayers for a positive day. And remembering the special life you shared together. Robin
Sorry that I haven't been on here as much. I have been VERY inwardly drawn and just thinking a lot about how to cope, heal, rebuild. I tried posting some art a couple weeks ago. I have done a few more abstract pastels. I hope to post one here Wednesday. I heard that 10/10 is good day to allow oneself forgiveness. I officially forgive myself for EVERYTHING!
Rose and Karen, It will be 4 years for me 11/17 and Lou a couple days after. So November will be rough for one of us almost each day. I recall each year and how I managed to get through. It’s hard and still feels like yesterday and 100 yrs ago all at the same time. Only those of us who have lost our soul mates can understand. Also the smile and crying at the same time. I have days where I think how am I still here. My heart is so broken, but some how I’m here and pushing through. Our love lives on. For each of us.
Always great to hear from younger brother, George. I like the 10/10 day of forgiveness, but, after 4 yrs, I strive for every day to be that way. Lou
Good, George! Me, too! I don't drink alcohol anymore, bc it made me more depressed about Linda's death. I do remember one of the bumper stickers from Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), which said, "One day at a time". How true. Lou
HI Robin, happy to have you back. I haven't been on here much either lately, one of those periods when I just isolate, wanting to be on my own, thankfully having lots of outside jobs to do, before Winter sets in, just like you mentioned. I'm so glad you had a wonderful time with both your children, and what a beautiful gift you received from your son. You sound like you have a very loving family around you, your brother sorting out your electricity problem. I do wish I had a brother or sister to interact with, to help each other, talk to. I've always thought that being an only child was no problem when I was younger, I actually enjoyed being spoilt and having all the attentions, but growing older I do actually miss not having one or the other. Just think, my poor husband had only one brother (unmarried, no children), but he had also died previously, over ten years ago, at 45, but he did have many health issues: diabetes, severe obesity, thyroid disorders, and on top of that, a chain smoker and addicted to caffeine. My children give me a reason to go on now but at times I feel bad for them, that I have lost all my enthusiasm, always in a bad mood, I don't laugh anymore, hardly ever smile either, and every single mishap becomes a big deal for me. Those words at the end of your post: "Our love lives on, for each of us", is so true. That's what keeps me sane. My C is with me all the time, I feel his love, he was snatched away from me against our will, but our love cannot be taken away, can only get stronger. Sending you a big hug, and I'm glad you and your daughter have recovered from the flu virus. Rose.
Thank you so much Rose. I need those times when I just want to be too. The outside jobs although they bring so many memories, they are cathartic in their own way. Keeping our minds active and getting fresh air. I’m being a little lazy today. I’m getting fresh air but not doing any of the many projects I could be working on. I do have a caring family and I know how lucky I am. I have 3 siblings. Two brothers and a sister. I’ve always been very close to my younger brother and he took both my children aside and told them he would do anything I need. They didn’t have to worry. Well, that was short lived. But my older brother has been a godsend. He has helped me so many times. I didn’t expect him to be my lifesaver, but he has been just that. My biggest problem is I have a hard time asking for help. Neither brother reach out to see how I’m doing and I have trouble calling saying I’m having a bad day. But if and when I need them they will help me. I’m sorry you don’t have that option as a back up. It does give me peace of mind. Both my children would do anything for me too. Like I know yours will and do for you. Those mishaps you mention. They sure do trip us up don’t they. Rose I believe you will laugh again. It’ll happen, you’re just not there yet. I didn’t think I’d ever smile or laugh again, but it happens naturally. The first few times I was full of guilt. It’s like we think we have to be sad and unhappy to honor our spouses memory. I’m learning that’s not how it is. We can miss them and still love them and still smile or enjoy something. You’ll get there. Nothing prepares us for this life we’re living right now. We’re just going through a crazy maze trying to be ok. Your children are in it with you. Mine are too. I’m sure your children don’t harbor any I’ll feelings towards you as you go through this journey that seems endless. But I understand your thoughts. I’m glad my phrase, our love lives on, for each of us. Resonated with you. I fully believe that. The person, the feel, the touch, is all memories but the love can’t be taken away. The memories live on too. Ron’s brother also passed away before Ron. He had glioblastoma, brain cancer. Taken way too young. Like your C’s brother. Ron missed him terribly. Then less then a year before Ron passed he lost both his parents. His dad first then his Mom 4 months later. He was still mourning his parents when he suffered the massive heart attack. Rose, there are better days ahead. We all just need to work towards them. Thank you for the hug, it means so much. Sending a heartfelt hug back to you. Robin
Robin, like you, I never thought I'd smile, let alone laugh again. I needed to see a grief counselor about my survivor's guilt. I thought : "What right do I have to be happy when Linda isn't here to share my happiness?". But, the fact is that when she became ill, she made me promise to try to be healthy and happy, if anything happened to her,and, of course it did. My counselor suggested GIC with likeminded widowed people. I was hesitant and shaky at first, but now I've developed close friendships here. The amazing thing is that we are able to make each other laugh. Lou
Hi Louster I agree that we can make each other laugh here on GIC. Apart from my kids, the only people who have managed to make me smile are all of my friends here. Rose (How does "Rosester" sound?)
Rosester sounds wonderful, Rose! The first thing I do in the morning is to check in with my friends on GIC, and there you were! It does my heart good that you started a conversation about not being able to smile, and both Robin & I told you we were the same way 4 years ago. I still start out with some sadness about Linda while getting ready to go outside. For example, I was shaving with my electric razor, anf remembered when Linda & I went into a store together and picked that one. I choked up, finished shaving, and turned on lively music to help me get out the door. As the day wore on, and I walked in nature, and saw my friends, my mood brightened.Whenever we text or email , we add emojis like yours, to make us laugh. Thank you for a lift this morning, Rosester. Louster
Rosester, you are a welcome addition to GIC. Sitting on Neck, near the ocean, people watching on a blessed 70 degree, sunny, cloudless blue sky. Life is good Lou
Lou, As we all have experienced, smiles and laughter are a real difficult part of the journey. I personally feel it comes naturally whenever we’re ready. We’re all different in how and when. I’m glad your counselor recommended GIC and glad you made that effort. Ron wasn’t sick there was no reason for concern. Yet we had those difficult conversations. We told each other to enjoy life. And not waste time mourning. Easier said then done that’s for sure. We told each to find new partners. That’s not even in my radar. But those conversations that Ron wanted to have, were/are very important in this journey. And I knew his wishes and did my best to follow. Now my children know my wishes. Ron wanted to be cremated and said not to waste money on a special container and to put him out of the way. Didn’t want a big funeral. At the time I told him you realize I’ll need to do certain things for me to move forward. He understood. I only had a couple visitations. He said he didn’t want people staring at him. But he has a beautiful box for his ashes, and he’s sitting front and center of our living room. He seems ok with it. He visits me every day. Right now he’s been turning on my tv in the kitchen every day and multiple times a day. It’s pretty startling but makes me smile. And I talk to him. I’m glad you’re enjoying a beautiful day. My day is just like yours. Sunny and warm, blue sky. I’m on the swing Ron bought me and taking in this beautiful day. Only thing that would make this better is if Ron was by my side. Robin
What a beautiful tribute to the love shared by you & Ron, true soulmates like Linda & me. I glanced at your post earlier, and just put "LIKE", but now, looking at the sea from the same bench on which Linda sat, I wanted to savor your words. I,too.,have Linda's memorial on top of my bureau. I may not consciously look at it every day, but it's comforting to know she's there. I love that she's keeping me safe, when I use her cane for balance. As for another woman in my life, I can't rule it out , bc I would like to share walks by the ocean. a meal, a laugh, and, yes, a hug. But, I don't want to get married again. I'm not sure I even want to live with a woman. I'd like a female friend, and see how it goes...... Lou
No, as reading prior posts Rose seems to like it and you too. So, just cast my opinion to the wind. Keeping the "ester" for the group is fitting.
