The 25th will make 2 months since I lost my only (birthed) child. His name is Drake. He was 26. He lost his life (as I have lost mine, in a sense, as well) in a drowning accident. I'm completely lost! I do not know what to do with this! I JUST DON'T KNOW ABOUT ANYTHING ANYMORE!!
I am so sorry to hear about the tragic death of your dear son, Drake. It is an unexpected loss that can hardly be absorbed. Even our mind says this is too terrible to be true. We have trouble accepting it as a fact that has actually happened. Our heart keeps rejecting the thought that it might have really happened. I thaought I would see my son pull iinto the driveway any minute. He was very close in age to your son. He was 28. We lost him as a result of suicide. I can identify with your feeling of not know about anything anymore. One of the first thoughts I had was that I didn't know anything. I thought I knew how life worked-that you could pray and things would turn out okay. But that isn't so. It is not that God took my son-my son made that decision. But I did think that God would heal his troubled mind. Later I found out the first diagnosis we had which was bipolar was correct; however, he rejected the idea of taking medication for it because he said it made his Grandma a 'zombie'. Oh the guilt we can put on ourselves for being so 'stupid' by our reactions or lack of reactions which we think could have made such a difference. But that cance to act wisely is gone. We must forgive ourselves as God has forgiven us for all our failures or we will not be able to go on. Be gentle with yourself, take care of yourself, and just try to do the little things you can still do. Get up, get dressed, brush your teeth, etc. Even these everyday things that were so automatic are now difficult to achieve. But I want to encourage you to just go on. It will get better. Try to go outside for a walk even if it is very brief. Fresh air will help your body and your mind. Chris
