New here - poetry sharing?

Hi all,
Greetings from Maine. Brand new here. Lost my beloved spouse of 25 years - Ned - 16 months ago (1/29/2021) to the toxicity of chemo and more. Twenty years my senior yet my soulmate, my muse, my music man, travel buddy, comrade in the kitchen, best friend, the one who kept me laughing through all. I'm doing, appear functional on the outside, while inside the heart cries and cries.

I have a question... I had never written poetry before, but it started flying out of me when he entered the hospital and I've been writing ever since. A lot of haiku in particular, then more free form. I am not at all trained in poetry - maybe I'm picking something up from Ned, who was an accomplished writer. I'm wondering if others here have turned to writing poetry related to their loss and, if so, anyone would like to share? Not sure how that could be done, perhaps on a special Poetry thread.
In peace, Carla

 

Hello CPW, my name is Karen. I lost my hubby 18 months ago to cancer. He was everything to me and I'm still not able to "let go" of his physically loss. He will always be in my heart.

Welcome to our forum. We would love to read some of your poetry. A few on this site have sent in some poetry and quotes. I'm sure they will connect with you.

Very sorry for losing your husband. You both look so happy in your picture. Please keep with us you will find comfort here. Blessings, Karen

 

Carla, I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband Ned. Losing your spouse is something that we’re never prepared for.
I can’t say I’ve was given the gift of writing when I lost my husband Ron 3 1/2 yrs ago to a massive heart attack. Like you mention and also Karen, Ron was my world. He was never sick. This came out of no where. And life became very hard and nothing is the same. I know you’re hoping to hear from someone who may have been given the gift that you received. But I will welcome you here and let you know how caring and understanding everyone on this site is. We would all love for you to share some of or your poems. It’s very possible that Ned gave you this new found gift. Treasure it. I understand how you appear fine but you’re heart aches. But this takes so much time. Try to get fresh air each day.
There will be better days ahead. ❤️ Robin

 

Thank you, Robin. Yes, outside and in nature is where I want to be! I am amazed and relieved at how welcoming and nonjudgmental people here are. So refreshing.

 

You’re welcome! And no one ever judges. This is a great community of people who have each other’s backs. You most definitely have friends here. Ron and I were together 44 years , married 41 years. We ran a business together. So we were together 24/7 and loved every minute of it. People don’t understand how we were together constantly and were so happy. Sure is difficult losing that. Eventually the memories start to make you smile. Very slow process. Talking with people on here is so helpful. And yes, nature! Robin

 

Carla, God Bless you for your courage, to
join us on Grief in Common (GIC). But, as
my good friend, Deb, who I'm sure you
will "talk" with, says, I wish I didn't have to
welcome you in the most horrible,
terrifying part of your life. I am so sorry
about the death of your husband and
soulmate, Ned. Thank you for sharing
your name and his. Most new members
are reluctant to do this, but you are among
kind, nonjudgemental grievers here. I
invented the term , The Grief Warriors
( TGW) to describe us. Karen, from
California, came up with Mr. Grief, and
how he can torture us from time to time
when we least expect it. I think poetry
is a great idea. Patti, Helena, George, &
other GW write poetry, and do an Art
Wednesday. My passions are letting my
emotions flow on GIC posts. Live music
is my salvation, & I'm lucky to know
musicians at my local small town cafe.
My wife, Linda, & I were also married 25
years, no children.She died suddenly in
front of me 3 & a half years ago. She was
68. She shared my love of music & the
ocean. I live on the northern coast of
Massachusetts. Linda & I loved weekend
getaways in your state, & loved the
lighthouses of York & Portland. Do you
live near the sea? Lou

 

Thank you, Lou. I love the term Grief Warrior. It brings to mind one of my favorite quotes on grief, from the book, "When Your Soulmate Dies" by Alan D. Wolfelt: "mourn as you loved: deeply, grandly, and heroically."

 

Robin, the fact that you & Ron and Linda
& I were together with our mates, 24\7,
makes it even harder for us, these last 3 &
a half years since their deaths.As Deb says,
Karen's Mr.,Grief can strike us , in a
twisted Candid Camera way, when we
"least expect it". I have a quick flashback
of Linda"s laugh, or a mundane task,
or watching TV, & choke up & even cry,but
not with uncontrollable weeping like I did
right after she died. I'm glad to see you &
Karen on here today, welcoming &
comforting Carla. I'm positive that other
GW , like Deb, will follow, as well as the
poets & artists among us, like Helena,
George, Bernadine, Gary, & more. Lou

 

Carla, I'm so glad you quoted Dr. Wolfelt's
book. Many of us receive his daily
grief quotations, by different authors,
with his personal take. Hope you receive
his emails, as well. Thank you for your
kind comment about my GW idea.My
grief counselor suggested 2 books:
Permission to Mourn, by Tom Zuba, and
The Widower's Notebook, a memoir, by
Jonathan Santlofer. Jonathan's honest,
sad, & sometimes humorous portrayal
of his 40 year marriage to Joy, touched
me deeply, bc Joy died suddenly in front
of him, like Linda died in front of me.
I was so moved that I emailed to thank
him for his book & he pleasantly
surprised me with a warm, personal
email to me 2 days later. I have the book
by my bedside, & reread the lighter,
humorous chapters. Lou

 

Lou, you’re right. It does feel harder. One day quite a long time ago it hit me that the only thing that was the same is that I’m living in our home. Of coarse our children too. But where I had such a loving husband who was with me 24/7 now I’m alone 24/7 not only do I not go to work I dissolved our business. We created it together but it was me who locked the door for the last time. I can picture us in our shop working, me at my sewing machine and Ron at a work table or his machine and Ron would telepathically send me messages. And I’d receive them most the time. Are you ready for coffee break, what’s for dinner, or let’s go out for lunch today. Sometimes it was I love you messages. He could always get me to stop working and look at him without him saying a word. I’d look up and he’d be smiling at me. He’d say, what? I’d tell him what I picked up from him. It was crazy and wonderful. I guess I got off topic. Sorry but Ron visited me a few nights back. I was having a strange dream, not a nightmare but I was uncomfortable. I felt what I always felt if Ron woke me because I had a nightmare. His hand touch my back. Slow tap then constant light pressure. It was a wonderful feeling. Yes it made me miss him more but also brought calmness, Ron is with me. Still taking care of me. After that I felt him hold me for a while and o went back to sleep. He wasn’t there when I woke up but I felt his warmth and love.
But you’re so right Lou, it takes next to nothing to have those moments sneak up on you. Food, music, movies, tv etc etc. but yes there’s crying but less.
So much crying yesterday. Some happy tears though and 2 weeks ago I had my first doctor visit with new RA doctor. I struggled with that. Ron always took me. Thankfully he turned out to be very nice and thorough. And young, he won’t be retiring any time soon. Sitting outside on my deck writing you and getting fresh air. Very windy but I need the air. I hope you’re enjoying the day at one of your favorite cafes with friends. Robin

 

as
Hi, I'm a new member, too. Also lost my husband after 25 years of marriage. My heart goes out to you, relate totally to how you're feeling, everybody in this group sounds so friendly and caring, willing to share and listen to anything we want to say. It helps to pour our hearts out to people who are going through the same sorrow, as the famous poet J. Keats said: 'Nothing becomes real ' til it's experienced'. I don't have any writer's talent but I did find myself suddenly looking up grief poems by famous poets, something I've never done before.
Take care.

 

Rose, thank you for the quotation from
Keats. I take inspiration from books,
song lyrics, poems: anything that can help
us on our grief journey. Most of all,
"talking"with TGW on this kind forum,
where people "get it". I'm so happy you're
staying on GIC. Helena, Bernadine, &
Rita ( who hasn't been on here for a while)
have all shared comforting sayings with
us. Lou

 

Robin, what a wonderful, moving post.
Thank you. Since I tend to write long,
stream of consciousness posts, I like Deb's
"books" , ( which I affectionately tease her
about)., Gary's picture of his retreats,
like ice fishing , hiking in the woods, or
meditating on top of a mountain, and
your thoughtful "happy mixed with sad"
memories of your love and marriage with
Ron. I don't have those "hug Linda" dreams, waking up crying when I realize
she's not with me physically anymore.
I do choke up when I don't have Linda
with me for medical appointments, We
would go to the same kind nurse practitioner together. Right after Linda
died, I went into the NP's small lab room.
All I could do was sob. I remember her
gentle hand on my shoulder to help me
gain my composure. Every time I see her,
it gets better, & I find myself quoting
some of Linda's feisty, funny phrases &
we both laugh. It's as if Linda is laughing
with us in that little room. Lou

 

Hi Carla,
My partner died 6 months ago. Years ill, hospice, the whole deal. We had been together 23 years. I miss him, desperately some days. I can relate to appearing functional. We planned so much for the life I would be living after he died. The details of things we could see. Anticipatory grief had taken a toll and already so many losses had come that when he died I didn’t fall into despair but oh, the grief of every morning waking with a day ahead he would not experience with me. And things to talk about that would be impossible for anyone else to make sense of.
Kenn was 25 years older and we laughed that he got here early and I had to hurry up to find him, were meant to be, life was rough but somehow together we were good. We shared so much as musicians- he excelled on the horn and loved flutes and recorders. Slow Blue in dark clubs or dixieland and jazz … a writer, a poet, chess player and taught all of those things to anyone with a desire or need to learn. Haiku was a favorite of his, he was impressed by anyone who could master that art form. My writing is not always elegant but getting words on paper is a valuable part of my life.
I would love to hear your poetry. A thread of it’s own or peppered throughout the conversations, whatever feels most valuable, most healing for you.
I’m so sorry for your tears. We all understand them. We’ve discussed getting a group discount from the kleenex manufacturer. Embroidered hankies with “I’m fine, just grieving” to carry around and wave people off with.
Having just passed the 6 month mark the day after our anniversary has made the last few weeks nearly debilitating in ways I wasn’t expecting so my posts are a little random and spotty but I really wanted to welcome you. ~Bernadine

 

Bernadine, as I've said before, I wish
Linda & I had met you & Kenn. She was
disappointed in people, & we never found
another couple with whom to enjoy
live music, or even to have dinner
together in restaurants , or at each other's
homes. I'm positive Linda would've loved
both of you, & would've wanted to see
Kenn play his horn, & go to blues clubs
with you. Thank you for reaching out to
Carla, despite the sadness of the 6 month
anniversary of Kenn's death. I think that
poetry, sayings, Art Therapy Wed, from
Helena & George, & now, poetry from
Carla, & poetry, set to music , by jazz
musician, Bill, ( near you in Wa.), will
enrich our interactions on GIC. Lou

 

I just have to say I'm so moved and close to tears, I share my husband's passion for music. He played the guitar and we had recently started learning to play the piano together, starting with classical pieces of course, (like beginners usually do) but he had a 'soft spot' for jazz music. Had great admiration and respect for all jazz musicians, and not only: blues, rhythm & blues, country&western,and so on. As he always said: "I love all 'good' music'. I remember I insisted that playing jazz music was too difficult for me, was beyond my limits, but he managed to play a few jazz tunes by following tutorials on websites.
After I lost him, it took me at least six months to pluck up the courage and sit at the piano again (always just amateurily, of course). I manage to express my feelings and thoughts through music, while singing and playing songs I can shout out all this unbearable agony exploding inside me. My passion has also become my therapy.
I feel so particularly sorry for how the music industry has suffered during the last two yrs of pandemic. A big thank you and thumbs up to all you wonderful musicians out there, you really do 'light up our lives'.

 

Carla,

I'm so very sorry the one true love of your life, Ned, passed away. I always HATE!!! having to say this for two reasons. Words seem so shallow at times, now being one of them, but I hope you know how truly sorry I am. Also, I just had to reach for a tissue, as I always have to do, whenever a new member finds us. I can (almost) feel your pain... It SUCKS!!!

My husband, Bob died on April 11, 2021 at 3:45 a.m. He suffered from many serious medical issues, all treated as chronic health conditions, all kept under control with medications, until 2018, when the oral immunotherapy drug he was prescribed for kidney cancer stopped working (chemo isn't effective in treating kidney cancer). I was his full time caregiver from the beginning of 2018, up until the moment he died. By the time Bob passed away, he had a specialist for just about every body part.
,
I used to love to write, but since Bob's death, I have trouble expressing myself in words. Just recently, some of my creativity has returned. I love decorating houses and have started to make our house (almost at the exact time we moved here, the immunotherapy drug stopped working), feel more like a home. I also had trouble retaining information and no longer enjoyed reading. For many months the only books I could, or wanted to read, were books on grieving (The books Lou recommended are excellent!!!), but last week a close friend who is also a widow, gave me a very light, no thinking necessary, "beachy" read. Although I've had to reread a couple of pages every now and then, I'm beginning to enjoy reading once more. I'm hopeful in time, I'll be able to write again.

We have lots of very talented people in our GIC "family." One of my friends, Helena started a Wednesday art thread. Prior to making Wednesday art days, she began posting very moving quotes. Others followed, providing us with more quotes and poetry. I think Karen, another friend has mentioned this already. I look forward to art Wednesdays, and also to all of the very beautiful quotes and moving poems friends submit. I'm looking forward to reading your poems...

It's a beautiful, sunny start to the day, and one of the best ways I know how to fight Mr. Grief is by getting lots of fresh air, sunshine and some exercise. I want to get a long walk in before it gets too hot, so stopping here (for now.)

I'm so very sorry you had to find us, but so glad you did. This is a wonderful site!!!, TUTTAM!!! (Total Understatement To The Absolute Max) I've made many friends here who are always ready to provide virtual hugs, "listen" to me vent, cry, scream, etc, etc., etc., and provide advice. This is a judgement free zone, so we won't be offended if you don't follow any of the advice we give you. Take it or leave it, we'll be here for you no matter what... Welcome to TGW, our GIC "family."

I'm glad you're going to stick around, give us a chance to get to "know" you, and you a chance to get to "know" us.

Sending you lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Deb, thank you so much for welcoming &
comforting Carla. before your walk. I knew
you would. Hope you can 'talk" with Rose &
Bill, if you haven't already. You are one of
our most compassionate ( & funny!!) GW.
TUTTAM!!! Lou

 

Thank you Lou, I always feel bad when you have “hug dreams” that make you wake up crying. I’m glad you’re not going through those, at least for a while. I might have tears but usually it’s a wonderful loving feeling, tears because I love the embrace but miss Ron.
I’m like you Lou, going to the dr without Ron is so difficult. I know exactly how you feel going without Linda by your side. I also quote Ron on a regular basis, my kids and brother all do too. Keeps them alive, I love it. The small things are as missed as everything else. Sometimes more. I love how you bring Linda into the doctor office by sharing her feisty phrases! Things like that are proof they’re with us. Robin

 

Hello Carla, I'm so sorry for the lost of your husband and partner. It's good that you have decided joining our family friends TGW (The Grieving Warriors) an appropriate name for us, Lou came up with the name.
Since early February I found GIC where is my first place to read the correspondence and now I would love to read your poetry! Since my husband died nearly four months ago and left me totally alone (we didn't have children). With this intense sadness and loneliness, many tears, lost of appetite and sleep I have reached to TW where I found the most supportive and understanding group of friends.
I'm sure Ned is guiding you writing poetry, he will be always with you, like I feel also my Geoff is always with me. Looking forward to read more poetry threads. Helena