My poor brother

Discussion in 'Loss of Sibling' started by cindy petrucci, Aug 30, 2021.

  1. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    Again I say, I am so sorry for your losses.
    Hang on until the pain eases.
    May God strengthen you and grant you wisdom in the decisions you make.
    Van Gogh likes this.
  2. I’m never going to be the same again am I. I feel like I lost a limb again. Just sayin
    Van Gogh likes this.
  3. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    October 15th is coming and of course will be a difficult period of time. These anniversaries bring back so many memories that trigger feelings of sadness. I am sorry for your loss of Charlie. This one loss alone was monumental and would have been difficult in itself and now you have suffered other losses. I pray you will be given the strength to go on and find a way through all this pain.
    Van Gogh likes this.
  4. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    I know what you mean. I felt like someone had reached down into my heart and tore a huge chunk out of it. I thought over and over, "Who can fix a broken heart"? I found out that only God can.
    Van Gogh likes this.
  5. Kwavo622

    Kwavo622 New Member

    I lost my brother two weeks ago buried 2 off my favorite cousin one month ago lost my sister 1 year ago I’m I’m still grieving I feel numb I’m the baby of the siblings I feel like they’re leaving me
  6. I was just thinking last night how alone I feel. I’m sorry for your losses. I feel like such a different person. I doubt I’ll ever be the same. I’m also the baby of the family. I had 3 brother’s and only have one left. He does text me every day I only wish he lived closer to me. Stay strong.
    Van Gogh likes this.
  7. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    It is a very isolating feeling, isn't it.
    We can never really be the same as we were before because of these painful experiences we have gone through; however, I use mine as a way to try to help others who are hurting. At first you will not be strong enough to do that. Right now you are the one who needs support.
    We are here for you. You are not alone in your despair, because we understand and love you.
    Van Gogh likes this.
  8. Thank you.
    Van Gogh likes this.
  9. I’m trying so so hard to get my life back on track. No matter how hard I’ve been trying it’s not working. Just so broken. Will I ever be okay again?
    Van Gogh likes this.
  10. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    Yes, Cindy, you will be able to get your life on track again; however, it is much too early to expect to do that now. All we can do is accept our loss and the grief that comes with it for the time being. It always helps to look to and depend on God to help you All that is required is to ask Him.
    Being able to function 'normally' will come with time as you work through this grief. Do you work somewhere?
    When you are alone, give in to the pain and grief. Let your heart release what is in it.
    You will never stop missing this one you loved so much, but there is the hope of seeing him again on the other side.
    Just do what you can and don't expect too much of yourself too soon. You can only do what you have the ability to do. Demanding more than that from yourself is damaging when you can't meet your high expectations.
    You have already made a good start. I am proud of you for being able to share your feelings here with those of us who truly understand how hard this all is. That is very important to the process of 'healing'. Ask any questions you need to. No one here will look down on you or criticize you because we are all dealing with our own grief walk and understand how difficult that is.
    I love you and care about your mental and spiritual health as well as your physical health. Try to get out in the fresh air at least a little each day. It helps renew the spirit.
    Let me hear from you again soon.
    Van Gogh likes this.
  11. Thank you. I’m a high school history teacher and I literally hate being home.
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  12. How do I stop reliving my losses everyday? I’m exhausted from losing all the people close to my heart. My son, 2 brothers and my mom and dad. Will I ever be truly happy again? I feel like I’m going through the worst time in my life.
  13. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    I believe you are going through the worst time in your life. Nothing will be harder than these many losses. I don't know how you can continue to bear up under all these losses except by the grace of God.
    I can't answer how you can stop reliving your losses everyday. I have read from counselors that it is good to allow yourself to grieve these losses by remembering the good things you have experienced with these people. By making yourself go back to places your don't want to return to because they hold such strong memories of these people. I don't know how I feel about that. My friend says we owe it to these people to keep their memories alive. Our son was so troubled in this life that mostly I have memories that are full of pain in remembering how much he suffered here on this earth. I had to make myself forgive those I felt had let him down. I only was able to accomplish this with God's help. I know I too let him down at times, even though it is so hard to think about that.
    The only help I found was to tell myself, "you can't think about that" when my mind tries to return to the painful and hurtful things he encountered. I don't know if this is good or bad but it was then only way I found to cope, in addition to knowing that God would help me survive this nightmare.
    May God strengthen and comfort you in your darkest hour,
  14. allierenee

    allierenee New Member

    I am 32 years old and lost both of my siblings. I lost my older older brother to suicide 1.5 years ago, and my younger brother 1 month ago. My family was very close. My parents and I are still very close, but I feel so alone. I feel as though I have to be perfect- happy.. the strong one for them. I am their only child left.

    I have been married a little over a year, and while my husband is supportive, it's very difficult for me how little he understands my deep grief. Rationally, I know it's impossible for him to understand. I also have a 3 month daughter. It destroys me that she will never know her uncles. She is wonderful- such a happy, smiley baby. This should be the happiest time of my life and I am so deep in grief and barely functioning. I feel guilty, as though I could be rubbing my sadness off on her. I love her so much, and I don't want to expose her to any of my "bad" emotions. I feel like I can't fully engage. She is a blessing to our small family though- I think she is the only thing keeping me and my parents going. I feel like my grief is a burden to everyone around me.

    My older brother struggled for so long with mental illness and receieved so much support, intervention, and help. There was nothing anyone could do. I miss him every day, but I understand his passing. I had finally come to peace with it after a lot of counseling, and 18 years of seeing his struggle first hand. He was so intelligent, compassionate, and funny. There is not a day that I don't think of him.

    My younger brother, who passed 1 month ago, was my best friend. The only way I can describe him was LIFE. He was passionate about everything- his profession, hiking, rock climbing, sailing, his friends, family, science. We promised we would stick together after our older brother died. And now he is gone. I am so broken. My brother recently became a doctor, and was working in my dad's medical practice, that I also work in. After he died, I found out my younger brother socially "dabbled" with drugs as a coping mechanism for his stress. What he took was laced with fentanyl. He had low self esteem and never felt like he was measuring up to his potential. He worked so hard at his profession, and was so good at what he did. Professionally, (and I thought personally) he was thriving. He had only been working for about 6 months before he passed. I went back to work 2 weeks ago, at the end of my maternity leave (and 2 wks after he passed). It is so hard to function and be fully present. On top of the stress of it all, my brother and I had many, many patients under both our care. I am given condolences several times a day by them while at work. I appreciate it, and know they mean well by it, but it feels like a stab to the heart. I have trouble saying his name, looking at pictures, and planning his memorial for the spring without tearing up. This shouldn't have happened.

    I don't know what to do. The nights are the worst, and my thoughts won't shut off. I don't feel like there is any relief from this pain.
  15. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    Yours is a very sad, heartrending story. I am so sorry for your loss and so sorry it came at a time when you should be filled with happiness. What a blessing to be sent this little baby at a time when she is so needed. Grieving is a journey. It is hardest at first, as you know. Some times we feel devastated, empty, and unable to even function. You are in a position where you must function even when you think you can't. God can strengthen you and comfort you. This little baby was sent as a lifeline. When you are with her, get as much pleasure from her as you can. Don't worry about your bad feelings with her-just love her and express that love to her. The scriptures tell us that love covers a multitude of sins, but it also covers a mutitude of sorrows. Cherish each good moment you have with her.
    I am very sorry about the loss of your younger brother to drugs. Drugs are destroying our young people and our nation and older people who should be wiser are not setting any kind of good example for young people to follow. They are lost in a stress filled world searching for answers with some purpose. Your daughter will depend on you for much guidance. Start teaching her right now. Talk about God's love for her and His plan for her life.
    You will make it through this, even though right now it may seem impossible. One day the sun will shine again and you will have that beautiful daughter to teach and share the valuable and good things in life with.
    We love you. Stay in touch with us and let us know how you are getting along.
    I care about you and your pain.