My mom passed away two weeks ago and I feel so lost

Hi all,
after a long illness, (dementia and brain tumor) my mom, who had me at 17, passed away at 67, just two weeks ago. I feel so lost without her. I am estranged from my father and. I had made mom a promise that no matter how bad she got I would not go home to see her or care for her, she understood what would happen, she was an LPN for many years and worked with alzhimers patients, she also did not want me to go to the funeral. She was my mom first, and my friend. We did have our ups and downs. I just feel so numb right now, and it hasn't fully hit me that she is gone. I haven't really grieved or have felt much of anything. I did shed a few tears but not breaking down. I have people telling that it will happen when I least expect it. I really don't know what I am asking or trying to say I just wanted someone to talk to about the death of my mom and perhaps support others here as well.

 

Staying away must have been difficult. I just lost my mom a couple of weeks ago and I have a hard time believing she is truly gone.

 

Hi everybody,
I lost my day on October 11 to a massive heart attack. Unexpected. He was 76. He was always a heavy smoker but seemed fine, went about his day, drove his truck, and worked part-time. I am still in disbelief. He was a loving father and my champion and I deeply regret our pointless fights over the last 10 years over material stuff. I am having a hard time sleeping, feeling I should have done something to prevent this, I should have acted differently to make his last years go easier. I am full of sorrow. He was my world, one of the two most important people in my life. I miss him tremendously. I miss the years we won't spend together. I wake up every day wishing, praying that this whole thing was a nightmare, that he is still here. It's hard. What I wanted to say is that I am here. We are here. Grief does not come in the same way for everybody. I cry all the time. My Mom doesn't. She is grieving in another way. But were are all here.

 

I also feel so much regret.
For me, it’s about not being there more for my mom. it was unexpected and-
I just thought I had more time, y’know?
I hate you lost your dad.
Sending hugs your way❤️

 

Oh gosh-
That must be so hard for you.
I was (surprisingly to me) pretty “strong” right after.
I’ve had some really hard days, more and more recently.
In a couple of weeks, it’ll be a year.
I feel like , the more time goes on, I’m just like-
It’s been 3 months since I talked to her. It’s been 6 months. It’s been 9 months. Now it’s almost been a year and I am breaking down nearly every day.
I think it does hit you after the initial shock.
It sucks.
❤️❤️❤️

 

Sending hugs and condolences your way.

 

Hello, my Mom passed to be with God 2 weeks and 3 days ago. It is still unreal that she won't be calling me, and I am having a very difficult time. I feel like I want to call and check on her right now! I was taking care of her for the last 5 months before and after my brother died. So many things are reminding me of this like the Noosa yogurt that we ate together and the Chapstick I gave her in the ER when she first went into the hospital. I cleaned out my car today and found the bag from the hospital with her belongings in it and I was a walking cry storm of grief and pain. I was doing everything to make sure her needs were met, and it still wasn't enough to keep her alive. I even was breathing in and out next to her after they removed the breathing tube, and she was looking at me and started doing the same. I would have breathed for her if they let me. I have to go to her apartment tomorrow for the first time since she passed and start to deal with her personal belongings. I hired a packer service guy so I would HAVE to go. My boyfriend asked me a couple of times to go and start the apartment cleaning, but I lost it emotionally. I wanted to hire this guy so it would be a neutral person there. His profile says he is fast to pack things, this I hope will help me not to get into the messy bog of grief and sadness while I am there. I want to get it taken care of and feel my feelings after. I believe that where there is emptiness God's Grace can come in to fill us up. I get this real empty feeling when I think of her apartment and her not in it. Also, my brother who lived with her passed 4 months ago. I was there to help them when they needed me so many times over the years. At times my brother was a jerk as he was a alcoholic and got really sick. That isn't his fault it is a real disease. I went to one therapy session with a counselor, and I went to a grief group tonight which was ok. I felt better to not be alone with this. I type in here also to get things out and relate with all of you. I could go over things in my head like every scenario what if I did this or that different would she still be alive. Like someone else said we aren't God, so He knows when someone is ready to go home to Him. If I said Mom don't go to the ER and she died at home, then I would have thought it was my fault for not saying she should get checked out at the ER. Can't win. They say don't argue with satan and I believe it is satan whispering all of this blame and guilt into our minds to hurt us. Say get the behind me satan! I'm not listening satan. I choose God and I choose Love! That might sound crazy, but it works. Hope and healing to All xoxo ~Heather