My luv of my life

Discussion in 'Suicide Loss' started by Barbara fenimore-klein, Dec 12, 2017.

  1. My husband shot himself in front of our daughter who is 34 and i was right outside the window. The first shot was aimed out the window to i beleive to distract me and the second went thru his head. He lived for about 6 hrs. And we had to decide to let him go. I was with him when he took his last breath. 25 yrs together i cant figure out where i went wrong not to see this, or why he didn't trust our love to fight this together. He told our daughter i would be better of without him. So not true. I have had him by mt side thru good and bad. First i blamed myself and then others. Now i am just confused. Gods takes away but gives better. I dont understand. This is the first x-mas, then comes new years, and then our anniversary, and then his birthday. How do i do this... I know that it wasn't him that left me, it was something else in his head. He was bi-polar. Two medications he was on cause suicidal thoughts. Why didnt the dr. Help him. Luv u always paul fenimore.
  2. Emerald

    Emerald New Member

    I can not clearly imagine what you are going through but I know it's difficult. The love of my life (and the first and nicest man I've ever loved and who loved me with all his young heart) took his life recently. What is helping me is to have some spiritual "refuge" to go to every day -whether I want to or not -and just submit to its' force. Examples include: churches and places of worship, book-study groups, quilting circles, 12-step recovery, shrines and temples in and out of the home; just make sure you have a practice that is associated with the shrine/altar and it does not become an OCD design plan if you know what I mean. Hiking, exercise, walking are other activities I've considered. I practice Buddhism and have a scroll in my home and I chant a lot and chant with others and that helps; it really does. So I suggest finding a HEALTHY refuge (NO alcohol or drugs). When my mother died, I became a full-blown alcoholic and it sent me into a worse downward spiral than the normal grieving process. I'm glad you posted on this board. Like me, it means you want to talk and share. I'm hear to listen to whatever you want to share; finding someone to listen is awesome but not so easy to find, I have discovered. One last thing: it is okay to tell people what you are going through and how you feel. Not everyone will know what to do and it might make some uncomfortable, but I believe a few sentences explaining that you are grieving is better than pretending that all is right with the world because, clearly, it's not. You already have some positive thoughts and it is absolutely normal to be confused. I think I will be confused for the foreseeable future too.
  3. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Emerald, thank you for sharing your story, for your honesty and for your insights. I like so much of what you've said, especially the idea of a healthy refuge (I often say "healthy distractions"...same idea). We need a place to turn, and while numbing the pain may sound like a good idea, it only causes bigger problems for the future. Thank you for encouraging and reminding those who come to this site how important it is to share. It's not easy, and people DON'T always know what to do or say. But I believe most people want to have the chance to try and help, but they'll only be able to do that if they know their friend or loved one needs it or wants it. I hope you continue to check in with us here, and I hope others can be a help to you as well. Please take care~