My life changed radically when my husband died 12/30/23.

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Stewhele, Feb 2, 2024.

  1. Joyce 5

    Joyce 5 Member

    Hi Karen. When my husband died my daughter wanted to have a memorial in about 2 weeks. I couldn't even think about it. I believe most people don't realize how much grief is associated with the loss of a spouse. It is different than any other. There was 55 years of habits, interacting, talking, traveling, deciding what to do about so many things on a daily basis. Habits have to be unlearned. I am struggling with all of it. So I understand. I think only you and no one else can decide what you should do about his son's memorial. Accept that others may not understand, do what you have to do. The pain is real, and not like any other grief. Someday they will understand. You must take care of you.
    MICHAEL2023 likes this.
  2. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    Joyce 5 Thank you your response it helps and I'm very sorry you lost your husband and I agree two weeks was soon to be thinking of a memorial. Jack's son's wife got right on it and not even a week she was planning his memorial. It is way to soon. Oh, I'm the only one not attending and if I'm judged then so be it. Thank you for your good advice, Karen
    MICHAEL2023 and Joyce 5 like this.
  3. Joyce 5

    Joyce 5 Member

    God be with you as you process an awful time in your life.
  4. esk1007

    esk1007 Member

    Hello Cjpines,
    I have a friend who could not bring herself to come to her brother's funeral. They were exceptionally close; they spoke almost every day. They lived in different states. No one was angry with her. Some people were puzzled, but most just let her deal with her grief in her own way. Only you know how it feels inside your own skin.
    Joyce 5 likes this.
  5. Rose69

    Rose69 Well-Known Member

    Hi Karen, I'm so sorry to hear about Jack's son,and at such a young age, like my C who was only 57. I can imagine how distraught all the family must be.
    You are not being selfish at all, I can understand perfectly how painful it would be for you to attend the memorial. You have to do what you feel. I'm sure everyone will understand after spending just a moment to think about you, what you've been through, the distress this would cause you, reliving those heartbreaking moments.

    A warm hug to you.
    Joyce 5 likes this.
  6. Yes I have after my husband died I had to go back to work a week later bc we have 5 kids. The panic attacks were horrible. The crying for no reason. I just kept pushing forward. It's so hard when you lose your only form of support and your everything. Suddenly you have nothing. There's no help. I had to find support. I started to follow as many postive people as I could. They told me I was worth it and just getting through the day is enough. I leaned into my faith. Again just following positive people. The whole stay strong thing is crazy. You can't stay strong alone. Probably could have used grief counseling. Everyone is different so never compare you got this far. You will make it slowly but surely.
    Rose69, MICHAEL2023 and Joyce 5 like this.
  7. Joyce 5

    Joyce 5 Member

    "the whole stay strong thing is crazy". You can't stay strong alone!!! Grief counseling says "tell us about your pain"! The truth is losing a spouse is probably the hardest thing to ever happen (we were married 55 yrs). All the grief counseling and all the "stay strong" just won't cut it. The pain is the most devastating shock to ever happen to a person, and no one including the fancy grief counselors and the 'stay strong' advocates don't get it. You have to go through this and you can't go around it. Time will help I hope. I lost my spouse on Feb 8 and I am up and down the emotional roller coaster every day. It is sad and lonely. And you re-evaluate all you ever learned about life like "where's your faith" and "why" and where's God. I don't know. Hoping for a better day.
    Rose69 and MICHAEL2023 like this.