My last five and a half years

Thank you, Georgine, for your warm words. I, too, have more of a spiritual
faith in God, since Linda's death. I like your
phrase about lacking our soulmates.



I just
came home , after dancing with my
female friends. I feel like a different,
more social person, now............Lou

 

The knowledge that we are not alone in our grief does bring comfort, although I wish that no one had to suffer such pain. I don't understand why the world is set up so someone has to mourn.

 

Thank you Georgine, for mentioning me in your post. I am sorry you are suffering this pain of losing a soulmate, but I'm glad you have joined us, where you will find empathy and comfort,and we are all here to support each other.
Take care of yourself.
Rose

 

Jen - I'm 3+ months into my grief as well and totally relate with all that you write. The fear, the uncertainty ...has started after the initial shock and sorrow has subsided a bit. Life has always been scary and uncertain but we had our loved ones that gave us emotional strength and confidence. Read up a bit about Grief Brain and the waves of grief ....our brains need to rewire to our new reality. There's a lot of neuroscience that's happening even without our active knowledge. Stay strong. Keep reaching out.

 

It may be we have to rewire the "old" normal to find a "new" normal.

 

That's pretty normal

 

Thank you, Rose. Joan Didion, the author of The Year of Magical Thinking - written one year after the sudden death of her husband - said that she only then began to understand why the faces of the bereaved bore a raw and exposed look. C.S. Lewis, in his book A Grief Observed, remarked that there should be quarantined colonies for the bereaved. He said this, because all thoses around him could not deal with his grief. They avoided it. With 2 exceptions,; one of whom is a grief counselor, I have experienced the same. As we know, no one understands who has not expereienced it.
The obvious question is, "Do they want to understand?"

 

Georgine, you are a welcome addition to
Grief in Common ( GIC). In the short time
you've been with us, your warm and
compassionate words, and book
recommendations, have made you a
leader here. Lou

 

I am so MIA in life and GIC. I keep trying. EVERYTHING is hard. I am too alone...

 

George, you are in my thoughts, and in the
thoughts of others very close to you,
especially BroGar, Ms. Hum, and La
DEB , from TUTTAMVILLE. We miss your
play on words, and art work ( when you're
up to sharing it with us). Since it's mostly
cloudy , still cold at 50 during day, and 40
at night here in Massachusetts, your
"daze" in the brutal Windy City area must
truly suck . A lot of grumpy faces here,
incl mine, sometimes. We are all waiting
for the warmth of summer. Lou Travolta

 

Lousterino... I have been feeling particularly sour and bitter. I truly want to be positive; but driving home in the cold drizzle with aggressive asshole drivers and their blinding headlights Saturday... I lost it and screamed at the top of my lungs for a good 15 minutes... Valerie You B*TCH!!! Why did you abandon me to be so alone. I was there to scratch your back and take care of you dying painfully horribly brutally... THERE IS NO-ONE there for me!!!! FK FK FK... I am so mad and bitter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why does my life suck so much. What did I do that was so HORRIBLE that karma kix my ass EVERYTDAY... I am so done... I feel utterly hopeless... I am tired. I hurt. I had arm surgery Friday for dialysis access bS ... My life is all about being stabbed with needles and four f*ng hours of staring into space and driving in insane traffic! I don't want to read. I don't want to create art. I hate EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO ONE IS THERE TO HELP ME! I have no-one!

 

I feel so F*ng awful! I have no-one!

 

I'm not in a good place. I am angry. I guess that's better than my usual feeling DEAD inside my soul

 

Oh, Lou, that is very kind of you to say these words, but I cannot think of myself as a "leader"; I am battling the same excruciating pain that all of us are experiencing. When the grief feels unbearable, and I keep pretending to others that all is fine, all I want to do is turn to my soulmate for help. I have to say that God has put something in front of me every time that happens, and I am stunned by the reality that others are feeling the same pain or suffering worse than me. Tonight, after a particularly difficult time, a newspaper blurb caught my eye about a mother whose adult physician daughter suddenly died in a distant city, and she was heartbroken that her other 2 adult daughters did not call her to go with them to the funeral. Because she is hearing impaired, she could not navigate the airport and could not attend the funeral. Regardless of the unknown dynamics of the relationship with her remaining daughters, the mother's situation ws truly heartbreaking.

During the 6 months after my loss, I begged my family to watch a 20-30 minute Canadian video featuring 4 bereaved individuals who had lost their spouses. A Google search of the following wll bring it up: UNCOUPLED - DEALING WITH THE DEATH OF A SPOUSE. My family has not watched the video, but I recommend it to anyone in our position, Locating that video online led me also to this site.

Thank you, again, Lou, for your support. I deeply appreciate it.

 

Oh, God, younger brother George, I wish
I had an RV, and could drive us, with
Gary as our designated driver ( bc I
gave up driving years ago) to a warmer
climate for a much needed vacation.
You would still have to do dialysis, in
order to live, but we could have a good
time and a few laughs ( no alcohol).
Gary and I would give you a long
brotherly hug, I understand your anger.
Screaming ( bc you don't cry) is healthy,
It's also healthy that you are reaching out
to other Grief Warriors. I may be Lou
Travolta at night, but I was bored, lonely,
and depressed on this cold, gray day
today. I had coffee at a breakfast place,
just to talk with the young waitress at the
counter. She saw that I was out of it, and
managed to make me laugh. Lou

 

Thanks Bro!!!!.. I so need a hug. No one is there to give me one. I want to laugh again...

 

Georgine, I remember seeing that video!
It was very moving, and it was a healthy
thing for me to cry through it. I also
loved a TED talk by Nora McInerney,
whose 1st husband died. She is a tall
blonde, with an almost stand up,
sarcastic comedy routine, which
managed to make her audience---and me---
laugh at certain parts of her story. Lou

 

I have no-one... yes my son is amazing but he JUST doesn't get it. He has his own demons to work thru...

 

I’m sending you a big hug too George. I’m sorry for all the constant suffering you have endured and will continue to endure. It’s good you expressed your frustrations to Valerie and the universe. I’m sure it gave you some relief. Every time I think I have it bad I know you have it 10 times worse. Because of you the grief warriors go the extra mile with their own personal pain and suffering. You are the ultimate grief warrior. Through my life I have known several people with birth defects and head injury accidents that suffered immensely. Since I believe in the afterlife I think those people who suffer immensely like you get a better deal in the afterlife. I know it don’t help now. But I recognize you as a martyr. Your driven. You are super human. If we could all get on that bus with The Godfather at the wheel driving us to Chi Town every warrior here and everyone who visted this site would honor you with the highest regards. Gary

 

G, keep trying don't give up. Things never stay the same, you won't be at this stage forever. Pray for change. I'm not sure what I'm saying here I just know things never stay the same, life never stays the same, we never stay the same. We must find meaning to carry on and that can be challenging. We all wonder, "what now".
For me I don't know where I'm going or what's next or what I'm supposed to do. 2 1/2 years and still wondering. I think I'll just give up that thought and let destiny lead me to wherever. Lonely, yes extremely. This site is the only place I share myself. I don't share anything to anyone I know, family, friends, neighbors no one, they don't get it. I do feel isolation in this grief journey, but I have GIC. Keep upright! as an old friend said.