My last five and a half years

Thanks Deb. The sacred fishing Spot is more sacred after yesterday’s adventure. While I was walking on the ice I saw two whirlwinds about 15 feet tall while I was crossing the frozen lake. Suddenly I noticed one of them start coming towards me about 100 yards out. I tried to hug the whirlwind as it went through me and felt the mist of the snow on my face. That was an obvious sign from my beloved Cheryl. Gary

 

Hey George thanks for the LMSO in regards to keep on sticking. I watched Clifford the big red dog today. I need to time my stretches out when Arthur and Curious George is on. Hope you had a great day Bro.

 

Gary, at least I manage to LMSO and I will start watching cartoons as well....

 

Friday was actually good! A dude in front of me in line at the 7-11 convenience store actually bought my Slurpee when I picked up the GF at 190pm. Today bitch ass drive home from D! It was cold! The blinding sun in my eyes! Had to detour around an accident. Had to go to the store (twice)... But I'm home and safe and somewhat cozy!
Take care muh Bro!

 

Thank you Deb, I much appreciate your kindness. How are you doing?

 

Glad you had a better week. Oh boy, one day at a time…you take care

 

I totally understand and know what you going through.My name is erick I lost my wife on Feb 5 2021 after a 16 month battle with aml leukemia she was only 40 years old .We we’re together for 16 years did everything together have 2 children 12 year old boy 14 year old girl and my step daughter she 22 I helped raise .My wife was diagnosed out of nowhere she didn’t have any symptoms went for a physical routine and the next day we get a call that she had cancer aml it came on December 25 2019 we were preparing our day and since then our family life changed forever.She went directly to the hospital that day came back home in February after receiving chemotherapy.Went back in April to receive more chemotherapy to get rid of all the cancer which it did .On June 4 2020 she got a bone marrow transplant at Sloan Kettering hospital cam home in late June .We we’re happy she started gaining her wait back we started walking together around our home just getting our life back little by little.Then in October it had came back we were devastated words can’t express how broken I was as well as her .She did a clinical trial for her aml it was working and then all of sudden it stopped on January 18 she left our home to go the the hospital to receive a different type of treatment and she never came back home she passed away on February 5 I was on my way to the hospital when I received the call that her heart stopped beating and she was dead .I took care of my wife was there with her through it all doctors appointments helping her shower feed her cooking for her and my children etc .My wife was a beautiful woman mother caring person friend she worked as a nurse .It’s going on 14 months our sons bday is this week March 31st and her birthday is April 4 .Im raising my children on my own and I’m blessed to have my mother father and brother who help me out with anything the children need .Our home was decorated by her she picked what she wanted and I did all the work now it feels empty with out her just feels like a regular house instead of a home .It’s hard every day especially around birthdays and holidays change of season because the pain continues even though I’m trying to heal every day.I’m 40 years a old and I’m just focused on healing and raising my children life is hard on it’s own makes it harder going through something like this .My children continue to do good in school honor students I spend as much as time with them give them give them my all because that’s all I have left in this world and they are my strength my fire and desire to keep going .I just miss my wife she was my soul mate my twin flame my best friend we did everything together she made everything better for our family .So I know it’s hard for you Jen we have to keep going .Take care and many blessings

 

Valerie died on Feb 20, 2021. I cared for her for over two years as she tried to stay "Strong and Healthy" in her battle with LipoSarcoma. December 2020... She is getting much sicker. I know she is dying but can't face this. I shut down and start to hate everything... Those long nights rubbing her back and feet and cleaning up cancer brown-black puke. The hurried marching through the house. Lives at an end. A year ago Can't believe she is gone. 34 years! How do you dismantle 34 years of love and life! I did that a year later now what? I still kinda hate everything! Everyday you just keep taking these baby-steps. Because in 1987 we took on everyone with our baby-guns. Took youthful arrogant steps and watched the world fight back... We were so naïve and cute!
Who do you think won?
I love you Valerie!

 

Erik, I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how extremely painfully devastating it is!! And ny heart goes out to you!! I lost my husband on February 11, 2022. He was a throat cancer survivor,and the horrible after effects of the chemo therapy and radiation treatments. And although he had been in remission for years, he had been diagnosed with diabetes type 2 and high blood pressure, and monitored for those conditions regularly. He was the love of my life, my soulmate. We were married for 40 years, and we have two daughters, ages 17 and 14 years. It has been extremely difficult for me to get through my days, just to eat, and sleep at night. And watching my daughters grieving breaks my heart, because their pain is my pain! I know this is something we never get past, and so we take each day as it comes. And I'm wishing you and your son and stepdaughter more peaceful days up ahead. And I'm so glad you found GIC, as there are very caring and empathetic people here, who support each other. And please feel free to reach out to me anytime.. take care always
Debra

 

Erick,

This is so beautiful... I took a picture of it with my iPhone, so I can refer to it often, especially when I'm feeling over the top lonely..., without my husband, Bob..., my "person," the one true love of my life, physically with me.

Bob had many serious medical issues all treated as chronic health conditions, and kept under control with medications. Bob was sick for many years prior to his death on April 11, 2021, at 3:45 a.m. By the time he passed away, he had a specialist for just about every body part. Although he had to take lots of medications for so many years, the side effects were manageable, and we were able to enjoy life, in spite of how sick he was. However, in the beginning of 2018, at the same time we moved to another state, his health began a rapid downhill spiral. I became his full time caregiver from the beginning of 2018 until the time of his death. Our lives revolved around medical appointments, scans, labs, hospital stays, and at the end of his life, two stays in acute rehab facilities. My situation is different from yours as our three children are adults and had left the nest prior to Bob becoming very sick. However, I can relate to so much of what you said. It SUCKS!!!

I believe, just as you do, that our loved ones are always with us, watching over us..., will always be with us..., right up until the second we are reunited with them. Love is eternal. It is comforting, but at the same time, so very bittersweet. It SUCKS!!!

Sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Jen and Erick, you both lost your loved ones at an early age. My husband passed away 4 1/2 years ago on Sept 11th, 2017 and then
1 1/2 years after my daughter lost her dear husband leaving her with three children aged 5 and under, in May 2019. It was a double wammy for my daughter and myself. So I know your pain through my daughter’s pain.
I had to leave my grief aside to help her with the children. I was there from 8:15am to 8:30pm every day. I had no vacation, sick leave or overtime left, so I took early retirement to be with her. It’s been a really tough road. She met a man who has three children and they have been together for the past 10 months. Really busy household but they seem happy. She told me, « Mom, I’m too young to be alone (she was 39 when her husband passed away) and I told her I totally understood. Heh, I’m 65 and I know how lonely it is without your soulmate so imagine her, and you Erick and Jen with children.
Since she’s with someone (last June), my grief just escalated. I had to be strong for my daughter and grandkids, but once the were ok, bang….I crushed. Since February I have been feeling so much better! Prayers, and meeting someone who also lost his wife and daughter 6 1/2 years ago, is helping.

 

Gary, I have kept journals since 2017 when Tom had his first surgery. As I reread the pages I cry, smile and sometimes laugh about all of the things we did and how we spent our days. When he was diagnosed with invasive melanoma our life changed completely. Immunotherapy was the only treatment available to fight the melanoma. After eight months of once a month treatment he developed Type I diabetes. The therapy had destroyed the parts of the pancreas that produces insulin. Now besides the melanoma he was a diabetic. Our life changed again. Tom was a Marine through and through. He looked at me one day with very serious eyes and said "If I had not been a Marine I would never be able to deal with all of this pain". During his last week of life The Last Patrol came to the house and celebrated his life. He died on September 19, 2022. The last thing he said to me was I love you, I don't want to die and leave you. I cry every time I think of these words. I continue to talk to him through the journals and write to him about my daily chores, shopping, repairs, and anything else I do. We got a rescue Boykin Spaniel a year before he died. She was 8 years old and not good to produce any more puppies. He absolutely loved her and she him. She stayed by his side through all of his pain and was such a comfort. She is also in mourning looking for him everywhere. I spend a lot of time with her and hopefully we can get through this together. She is now 9 and very healthy. I write to him about her and tell him about all of the ball chasing, chewing and just being a dog. These journals are a lifeline to me. I can go back and read about us and the love we shared. I will continue to keep journals. You are right. Writing helps with grief and loss. Somehow if you put it on paper, I find that it helps clear my mind. I can say anything only I will read these words. Janiceanne

 

Wow, that’s beautiful Gary. I wish Norm would contact me this way

 

As well as you Janicianne. My sympathies my dear

 

Janiceanne, as I just told Gaby, I woke up
around 5am, & checked GIC to see if
anyone replied to me late last night. I
was pleased to see both you and Gaby.
I cried when you described your
last conversation, with Tom, a Marine.
I want to thank him, posthumously, for
his brave service, and to you, the brave
wife, who stood by him . I choked up
when I read about Tom. Though not a
veteran ( I had a high lottery number in
the draft, during the Vietnam war), I go tothe American Legion post, and have
coffee every Sat morning. I sit between 2
Vietnam veterans, one a Marine, and one,
Army. Both have been married many
years. They respect me, bc they know I
went through the hell of PTSD, seeing my wife, of 25 years, collapse, and then die,
in front of me. I've become close with 4
veterans, whose wives also died. It's a
sad club, within a club, and we give
emotional support to each other. I
started going to the Legion right after
Linda died. Being a non veteran, and not
knowing any of the veterans, I was
nervous at first, but was made at ease the
first day , by the oldest veteran, 93, whose
wife had died after 67 years of marriage.
One eerie note:he uses his wife's cane,
like I use Linda's. The canes are almost
identical. Lou

 

Janiceanne,

I didn't begin a journal until I joined GIC, and a member who had been suffering from this total heartbreak for way longer than me, suggested I start one. It was excellent advice! I find putting my feelings into words, words that no one else will ever see, helps me put the shattered pieces of my life back together. Although the pieces will never fit perfectly, it's as though I'm putting together a new, super challenging jigsaw puzzle, not sure how it's going to look when completed, but looking forward to finding out.

As Bob always said, "As long as I'm on the right side of the dirt, it's a good day." Bob taught me that in spite of all the pain, in spite of all the suffering, life is a gift. Life is something to cherish each and every day, no matter how challenging the day turns out to be. Together, and with help from our GIC "family," we WILL!!! get through the very darkest days of our lives... We WILL!!! create the very best lives for ourselves that we possibly can. We WILL!!! make Tom and Bob, so very proud of us.

Even though we are suffering through the very worst kind of pain imaginable, something good can come out of every tragedy, if we put in all the hard work necessary to make this happen. We learn and grow, discover new things about ourselves, things that we might never have discovered, if our loved ones were still (physically) with us. In some ways, I think I've morphed into a better person since Bob's death, a stronger person, a more caring person...

Be very gentle with yourself. Tom's death is so recent... In time, as you continue to grieve/mourn, doing all the hard work necessary to continue moving forward, life will get easier, although it will always be so very bittersweet. I wish so much I could wave a magic wand, and give you, every person in our GIC "family," one day filled with only happiness... Even though this is impossible, I'm learning that a happy/sad life can be a good life, not the life I would choose for myself, or any one in our GIC "family," but it's good enough. It has to be.

Today, on New Year's Eve, I hope 2o23, although it'll be over the top challenging, brings you unexpected moments of real happiness, as you pick up the shattered pieces of your life, and place them in what will become the beginning your own jigsaw puzzle.

As always, sending you lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Hi everyone. I am new to this site as I lost my wife in Jan. 2023. Jen your story sounds too familiar. Our situation was 8 years of Lymphoma. I remember the day of the diagnosis. I remember the day we were told my wife was terminal. But I try to focus on how life threw us lemons and we made lemonade. We still made memories and made the most of our time, even when we knew time was running out. Anything we talked about we just went and did it if we could.
Anyways, I don’t know if I can be of a help.

 

My fellow widower, may I say how deeply
sorry I am,to hear about the long illness, and
then, death of your wife.You have come to the right
place of compassionate people who
understand the different emotions:
extreme anguish, guilt, loneliness, and
wondering how to cope, after their loved
ones have physically left this earth. My
wife , Linda, died suddenly in front of me,
at 68, after 25 yrs of marriage. That was
over 4 yrs ago. I was in shock, couldn't
sleep & went to a kind grief counselor.
She suggested Grief in Common ( GIC),
but I didn't join 'til end of July, 2021. I'm
glad you joined sooner ,after your wife's
death. May I ask your first name and your
wife's? I see by your info that you live
outside the U.S. May I ask where? The only
member on this site who lives out of this
country, is Rose, in Italy. I live on the
morthern coast of Massachusetts, in the
United States. My name is Lou.

 

Hi Lou, I’m Dave. I live in Ontario, Canada