My last five and a half years

George,

I feel like I haven't "talked" to you in way too long a time, lol... It's so good to hear from you, but wish Mother Nature would hurry up and decide to send some sunshine and warmth your way!!!, TU!!!, TO!!!, THE!!! ABSOLUTE!!! MAX!!! (I decided the other day that this needed spicing up a bit. I was going to use initials, but TUTTAM is just too difficult to remember with this widow foggy brain thing that sadly, seems here to stay.)

I read somewhere, when I was skimming messages, I have this really bad habit of not reading them in order, so sometimes never read the "full" story, that you did an acrylic painting. I'm so over the top impressed!!! TUTTAM!!!, I did it, lol!!! If you figure out how to post it, and if and when you're in the mood, I would love to check it out. It's a good thing I have no idea how to post pictures because stick figure people, and Charlie Brown's dog, Snoopy, are the full extent of my artistic ability, so sad..., lol...

Have some more catching up to do, and want to make something for dinner, so not rambling (at the moment.) Another comment that Bob would have some fun with. I MISS BOB SO VERY MUCH!!! TUTTAM!!! (Had to try it one more time. Now I can go.)

Stay warm, have the very best night you possibly can...

As always, sending you lots of hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Hi Deb. And thank you so much for reaching back out to me, as well as for your support and empathy. And yes, it has been very recently, and I feel like I will be going through this torturous hold that Mr.Grief continues to have on me for the rest of my life!! And although I know there is a healing process, I just haven't had a chance to even begin that with the other really terrible issues that I have been going through. And it hasn't been a full year for you, and so it's definitely understandable that you still have way too many days telling Mr.Grief to "F*UCK" OFF!! And I agree that although everyone handles and experiences grief diffently, there aren't of things we have in common. And I'm thinking you're right, having such a difficult time mentioning their names is a common problem for lots of us. And it is so good that it did get easier to say Bob's name, and that sharing stories of some of the very best times as well as some of the very worst times in your lives, although it was very painful to do at first, each and every memory, although happy or sad opened those floodgates, had you reaching for the nearest tissue box...the good thing is that in sharing those memories has been helpful in the healing process.
And I'm so glad that Lou keeps Linda's memory alive by sharing her funny sayings, abd that he shared some of his and Linda's very worst moments in their lives, because he needed to talk about them. And I feel like Tom Zuba is right, and all that he believes does make a lot of sense. And at the same time, to be held captive in Mr.Grief's tight grasp feels extremely painful!!! And I so want more than anything to be able to be free of his grasp, but I know that it can take a very long time before he loosens that very tight grip!!!
And I'm trying so very hard to be gentle with myself, and I do understand how you felt when Bob first died, and you didn't have any LMSO either, and that every single day was filled with only the worst imaginable pain. And I know you went through so many tissues as I have been experiencing that every single day as well... and I'm so glad that you have reached the point where, although it is brief, that you are able to enjoy some time without Mr. Grief invading, although those very brief enjoyable moments are so very bittersweet... happy mixed with sad, and that you are learning to accept that from now on, the rest of your life will always be a combination of happy mixed with sad...and that it will be reality until you are reunited with Bob. My heart goes out to you, Deb!! And I too will eventually have to learn to accept that.... until I am reunited with Keith.
And it most definitely does feel like the tears as well as the pain will NEVER stop!!!
And that my heart is completely shattered!! And my daughter will be 14 tomorrow, it's her birthday, OMG!! I feel so bad that she as well as my 17 year old daughter is going through this extreme pain, and so I feel their extreme pain also!!

And thank you so very much for wishing you could reach out and give me the biggest hug ever... this is truly the absolute WORST pain that I have ever experienced!! And I wish I could give you the biggest hug ever also!!
And thank you so very much also for sending me zillions of hugs as well as lots of love and peace!! And I'm sending you zillions of hugs as well as lots of love...as well as wishing you peace...and all of us peace. Take care, always!! And you are always in my thoughts!!
Debra

 

My heart goes out to you Geraldine

 

Good Morning Bernardine, I feel very much your sadness and what you went through with Kenn illness,(we are in the same boat) even no one's grieving its the same we all grief in a different manner but Mr. Grief its always lingering in our heads, doesn't stop. No body knows how you're feeling, its so tiring. I'm not very good to write or express my feelings, but I think I understand that you are not falling apart, we only know how our lives are now after your Kenn and my Geoff left us alone. I have Yogy a 16 yr old cheeweene rescue dog and an older cat, they are my company, that its my reason to continue here. Also I'm glad that I found GIC, at least somehow I know that I'm not alone.
Sending you many cyber hugs.
Helena

 

Helena,

Reading this message made me smile, although like everything else, so bittersweet... I love!! that you started keeping a journal, writing to Geoff, and looking at pictures. I believe with all my heart that Geoff IS listening..., Geoff IS watching over you... Geoff WILL always be with you.

I've had many signs from Bob and cherish each and every one of them. Tom Zuba says that if we're open to signs, we will receive them. I'm comforted knowing that Bob is watching over me, but, as I've been saying so frequently, it's over the top bittersweet... I would do anything to be able to have him physically beside me... As Bob used to say about so many things, "It is what it is." I always hated this comment until now. Sadly, this IS my reality, "It is what it is," until I'm finally reunited with Bob, the one true love of my life. Sadly, it's all of our realities...

You are putting in all the hard work Mr. Grief is forcing you to do. You ARE!!! healing... It makes me so happy hearing how well you're doing (even if you aren't feeling this way). To better days ahead... WE CAN & WILL GET THROUGH THIS TOGETHER!!! WE ARE TGW!!!, way too powerful a force for Mr. Grief!!!

I hope today is the day you are finally able to have at least one LMSO moment...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Gary,

I saw the picture of the walking sticks you sent to Bernadine. I love them!!! If I needed one, like Bernadine, I would want to buy one. It's so important to have hobbies, be creative in any way we can. I agree, keeping busy is one of the best ways I know how to keep Mr. Grief from overtaking every waking minute of every day. I hope you had a (mostly) peaceful, relaxing time fishing at your sacred spot yesterday...

I hope today you have at least one reason to LMSO, but hopefully many more...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Thank you, Gaby, I appreciate that. This was a better week, a few more smiles alongside the tears.
~Bernadine

 

Deb, after one good day I though OK tomorrow will be better and the big BUT my reality is worst than I though, everything is falling apart!! Seems like I'm falling into a hole, I don't want to get up and I really don't know what its comming next, sometimes I feel paralized, where I live I don't know anybody I'm so vulnerable!! Like you say TU.
Helena

 

Good morning, Helena.
I just replied to Gaby that, thankfully this was a better week than when I wrote that post.
My new puppy, Maggie, keeps me up and moving so grief at least has to catch me mid-stride, which it always seems to do, so the tears and smiles are close together. I really understand the grief fatigue.

We have permission from George, the teacher, to use whatever words, grammar and spelling we need to get our message across. You communicate your thoughts and feelings well.
I’m glad you’re here.
~Bernadine

 

Gaby,

With this foggy widow brain, I don't know if we "met" before. I want to tell you how sorry I am you had to find us, but how glad I am you did. My husband, Bob, died over 10 months ago. Joining GIC was one of the very best things I've done to help myself since his death. I hope you will stick around, give us the chance to get to "know" you, and you the chance to get to "know" us.

Sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Helena,

The only thing I know for certain is that everything is always subject to change... I'm so sorry Mr. Grief isn't giving you a moment's rest today. Do whatever you have to in order to get through the rest of the day. Although it doesn't help, please try to keep in mind that YOU ARE HEALING!!! I often repeat these words over and over and over again, to myself, sometimes even saying them out loud, when I'm feeling way past over the top sad...

Sending zillions of hugs and lots of love your way, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Happy Saturday Grief Warriors.
Whatever our feelings are this weekend, we must remember that We Are Strong Enough To Feel Them.
The daunting daily challenges we either face or ignore, no judgement, just compassion for ourselves as we move through our new lives.
~B

 

Thank you so very much!! And it is so good to be a part of GIC, to know that we are supportive of each other without judgment.
Debra

 

Bernadine,

Good (almost) afternoon, or whatever time it happens to be in your corner of the world... I can only imagine how busy Maggie keeps you, lol... It seems like puppies are always one step ahead of us, finding that one thing that we thought we had put out of reach, etc. etc. etc. However... no matter what my fur babies did, I couldn't help smiling inside, they were just so over the top cute!!!,TU!!! Without going into too many details, my very favorite fur baby, got into the kitchen trash can one evening, just as I had finished cleaning up the kitchen, and had started to watch something on the tube with Bob and the kids. Suddenly, we heard a loud bang... My very favorite fur baby came racing into the family room, covered in tomato sauce... She ran by so quickly, we couldn't catch her, racing through the dining room next, then back into the kitchen, racing around and around in a big circle, just as she liked to do outside in the snow. What an absolute mess!!!, but and this is another one of those really BIG BUTS!!!, the laughs she caused were priceless!!!, TU!!! Bob went out the very next day and picked up a $$, trash can, difficult to tip over, with a lid that even the most determined fur baby couldn't get into.

Thanks for reminding me of one of those good memories..., now so bittersweet..., but someday, like so many others, I hope will become more happy than sad.

As always, sending you and Maggie lots of hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Good morning Helena, I just want to let you know I have been thinking of you, and I know exactly how you are feeling because I am feeling the same way. And I'm sending you cyber hugs, and hoping that somehow you will find peace...

Debra

 

Bernadine,

Well said... Thank you for sharing... I am going to think about this during my afternoon walk...

Sending more hugs to you and Maggie, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Except Maggie. Maggie will not be ignored,

 

Maggie definitely sounds like a hand full, lol!!! I wish so much I could dog sit for her for awhile, give you a break every now and then...