My last five and a half years

Hello out there—the pandemic and life have been crazy! I am realizing that I need to create a life and a home that I love, but I am a bit lost about how to start.

Steve died March 16, 2019. Since then, I have been living “our” life alone. I have come to realize that I need to make this my life, my house, my plans, and recognize that the “our” part of things has ended. He’s with me in my heart, but he can’t be here to make decisions with me and put in elbow grease when we have buckthorn in the garden. This is one more step in my journey. Have any of you been here before? I have not been here for years, but I am still on my grief journey. I hope everyone is well and safe. Peace and love to each and all. ❤️

 

Dear Deb,

My heart goes out to you. Now, after 3 years, I find myself saying "my" instead of "our", and I quickly correct myself to say "our". Strange, isn't it?

I think that, after struggling to do it all, we are acutally (though, perhaps "unconsciously") functioning on our own. We know it. But we just refuse to say it.

Why? Because we have loved this person so much, so intensely, so deeply, that we simply cannot substitue the "I" for the "we".

And, Deb, there is nothing wrong with that. You can do both.

Steve remains anchored in your heart and soul. At the same time, you can make it "your" life, house, plans and everything you want.

Your everlasting love for Steve and your making it "your" life, "your" house and "your" plans are not mutually exclusive.
After all, Steve fell in love with "you".

With love,
Georgine

 

Dear Georgine,

Thank you for your beautiful message. It’s so easy to forget that our loved ones would support all of our efforts to go on, to be happy and even to thrive. Your kind words reminded me that this was always true throughout our marriage.

I thought about this when I was trying to find ways to make my life one that included lots of things that I look forward to doing, as it once did. Thank you so much for your kindness. It means the world and it touched my heart. Love to you, and hugs, and comfort for your journey.
Deb

 

Hi Deborah, I just happened to check in and I saw your post. I know exactly what you mean, I still say "we", I don't want it to be any other way, I can't, it seems unnatural not to do so. I believe in "continuing bonds", my C will always be united with me, even if he is not here. Everything I do, I automatically do it in the way "we would have done.
I know in theory, it's different, so many decisions get left" undecided", so many jobs get left undone. Life will never be the same, we lived in simbyosis, now I'm left hovering in a cloud, never seeing the light, feeling like I'm living a parallel life to the one that I actually should have been living with my C.

It's great to hear from you Deborah, sending you hugs and hope and sincerity for the coming year, hoping we will feel stronger each day, comforted by our soulmates who will always be part of our lives but in a different way.

 

Hi Georgine, it's great to hear from you too. We will slowly learn to live with our grief, our strength comes from the knowledge that our soulmates are with us all the time, we cherish them just as much as we did when our lives were united physically, now they are united spiritually and we take them along with us in this existence. I always talk to my C, telling him everything, asking him for advice, approval, opinions, just as I've always done.

Sending hugs and strength and may the new year bring you more peace and comfort.

 

Hello to everyone who is listening—

Grief is such a long and winding road. Thank you, Beatles. It just keeps pulling us into our journey, reflecting, hurting, growing, understanding, feeling confused, feeling lost, and back to the beginning again.

I wish I had some wisdom for the new members of the grief journey. My only thoughts are that this is a profound journey that will take you through your loss and bring you back to the beginning without drawing any conclusions on your behalf. Only you can understand what this journey means for the years ahead and the years behind you. I’m just so grateful for everyone who is still here after all of these years! ❤️ love and peace to all on the journey.

 

Dear Deborah, sending virtual hug, prayers for peace within your heart, and all of us on this journey.
It was 8 years Nov. 7th, I carry my love for Jack within my heart constantly, comfort in him being
spiritually with me, and always remembering our many years we were blessed together. Knowing
that in God’s timing, we will be united together through Eternity.k
I hope New Members will keep reaching out to others here, it was an answer to my prayers to
find GIC and communication, receiving support from you Deborah and others.
Blessings, Patti 67

 

I just read the posts here and have the same feelings of still feeling like a "we" or "our".
The posts here have given me much to think about. I am sorry we are sharing the same road but appreciate others sharing their feelings so I do not feel so alone.
I do talk to him every day. Just last week i had a major plumbing problem and was asking him why he left me to deal with these things he could handle so easily.
For me it has been an interesting journey. In the beginning i felt so alone and isolate in an area where i have no family or friends. Then suddenly i began getting involved in local organizations and was going out with people and doing things. Then just as fast as it started it ended and i am again alone and isolated
I know i should move but am having a hard time trying to organize and clean out this house.
Thanks for listening.
And thank you to those who have posted here.

 

Thank you for all that you wrote. These moments help us to remember how common and yet utterly unique our experiences are. All at once, they are beautiful, rare and ubiquitous. We need to treasure the memories of our loved ones. Thank you for sharing this with me! ❤️