It’s been almost two months since my world came crashing down with the news that my grandmother passed suddenly. She was my best friend. We spoke daily and would text all day about random things. The weather, food, my kids. We knew everything about each other. I’ve never lost someone so close to me before. When my husband told me after the call he got from my uncle it felt as if someone cut me open then proceeded to take out my inside and set them on fire. It was pain I’ve never felt before. I wanted to run out of myself to stop the pain, I couldn’t get away from it fast enough. If felt Claustrophobic even after going outside on the front porch. I cried all the liquid out of my body for hours. Into the next day. She and I were so close. Part of me went to heaven that night. I then spent the next few days with my grandfather planning the memorial and keeping him company. We would sit and laugh together. Sit and cry together. And just sit. My grandparents have been in my life since I was born 35 years ago. I did everything with them. I think I spent more time with them than I did at home. My kids spent much time with them as well. Now that time has past a bit I find myself thinking about her face, her laugh, her dancing, her life. It has taken me so much to exit denial. Because it was so sudden as she was very healthy. I had spoken to her 15 minutes before she was taken to the hospital. December 2nd will never just be another day. It’ll be the day my heart was split and my soul cried out to the Lord. WHY!??? I know his timing is perfect and we do not know when or why he chooses those times. I have faith that He is correct. But I still, as a human in flesh, cannot stand it. She is suppose to be here getting to know my new baby boy like she knows my two older daughters. Why God Why!? Why did you take her from us. My grandparents were married for 60 years and together for 63. My grandfather and I are building a new relationship together and it will be beautiful. We can lean on each other for comfort and talk about all the great things about my grandmother. I know life will become easier as time goes in, but right now the wound is fresh and stings a lot.