My beautiful daughter taken

Discussion in 'Loss of Adult Child' started by Audra mom of an angel, Jan 1, 2017.

  1. My Name is Audra, My 28 year old daughter was taken from me after falling asleep at the wheel. Besides Some Family & Some Friends. I haven't reached out to anyone for help. Actually I haven't REACHED OUT to ANYONE since my daughter's death.( God I hate saying that! ) It has only been almost 11 months since her accident. Many people have tried reaching out to me. They say " I'm here", " I can only imagine ", " call me if you need anything "! I don't mean to sound ungrateful & hateful. But if I have to hear any of those things again I'm going to scream. They couldn't imagine because there are no words that I could say to Make them understand. I truly truly know what a TRUE Heartbreak is now. It's not being able to breathe, so you are gasping for air because the uncontrollable crying doesn't allow you to take a breath or is it what feels like an elephant sitting on your chest that makes it hard? Begging for God to bring her back. Almost selling your soul to the devil. Who am I kidding I don't have a soul anymore or a heart for that matter! This is exactly why I am reaching out for someone to grab my hand. Because do you think anyone besides who has walked in my shoes could understand any of what I just wrote? Or make any kind of sense of it at all!
    Lisab and Jay Eye like this.
  2. Gunngirl

    Gunngirl New Member

    Audra, though our losses are different, our heartbreak is exactly the same. It's funny you said you don't want to hear those things people say to you because I've had people say the EXACT same thing to me. I have people say "call me when you want" but I don't even have the mental energy to do that. I'm just like you--lost, sad, angry, heartbroken. My soul is truly gone. I would absolutely do anything to have my people back. I would be so sad to hear of others loss and could never imagine it.

    Now I truly know sorrow. I wish I had had one of those dreams where you dream you loved one is gone but it's only a nightmare. I'd love to wake up and know it's not real and maybe even know what to do to help keep them here. I'm so sorry for your loss. Please feel free to message me.
    Jay Eye likes this.
  3. . Hi gunngirl, thank you so much for messaging me. I feel like this, if we loose someone we love to us No matter who it is, The pain is still the same. We can't get them back & have to learn how to be without them. I didn't say LIVE without them because to me this isn't living. Since my daughter passed away the people in my life have became few & far between. I think they are uncomfortable around me. But I don't want them back. I figure it this way, if you are supposed to be my friend or even my family, and I'm going through something like this. You should be here for me no matter how uncomfortable you feel, or whatever! Well let me put it this way. My daughter's birthday was Christmas Eve, then Christmas & new year. I'm sitting alone right now & have been since Saturday morning. Shows the kind of people in my life. So I don't need them. Well I'm really glad you messaged me. Sorry if my reply seemed harsh.
    Alice acevedo and Jay Eye like this.
  4. PhyllisG

    PhyllisG Active Member

    Hey Audra, I am so very sorry about your angel daughter. It has been just barely over 6 months since I lost my 26 year-old son, Joey, my one and only child, to a heroin overdose. I really, really want you to know that, YES, I do understand and make 100% sense of what you said. Only recently did I realize that I am at my saddest when I suddenly find myself in that mood...like I just don't give a damn about anything.
    Alice acevedo and Gunngirl like this.
  5. Gunngirl

    Gunngirl New Member

    Your reply is not harsh at all! It's the truth and I feel the exact same way. I didn't have many friends before my losses. My sister was my best friend and we did EVERYTHING together. I had a couple of people I talked too and one disappeared for over a year! Each time there was contact I initiated it. She would say "yes, I'm always around to call" but that really counts for shit because why can't you just call or text me? It's an effort to even put on clothes in the morning and brush my teeth and I also gotttq make all the effort to contact her too?

    I am convinced that she is uncomfortable around me and I think it brings up bad memories of her losses.i thought we could even bond over that. But no. No invites, no calls, nothing. My life really sucks.

    What makes me even more angry is my dad is the only person left of my immediate family, the one I was born into and we were never close. My parents separated when we were in grade school and my sisters and I barely saw him. Now he is all I have left and I'm pissed that my two favorite people are gone and I'm left with him. He has this attitude that everyone seems to have done him wrong and forgot about him. Ugh.
  6. . Awe sweetie I'm so sorry, at least we have people on here we can talk to that understands. My life is pretty sucky right now too. I'm coming up on the year mark of my daughter's death & just passed the year of my father & my cousin. They say things come in three. I am visiting a cousin out of state right now. I needed to get away from Texas for a bit. After going through all the first since my daughter's passing has absolutely wore me out!! Her birthday was Christmas Eve, Christmas, new year etc. I'm just really glad I have y'all to talk too!
    griefic likes this.
  7. Sweetie I'm not going to lie it doesn't get any easier. To me as the time goes on it's harder. I miss her more & the pain of loosing her is still just as bad if not worse. Feb 7 will be a year since my daughter died. I'm sorry I may say some times " since she passed ", but then I try to catch myself. She didn't pass she died, she was taken from me, or however else I decided to put it. Passing on, or passing away what the he'll does that even really mean anyway! She did pass by, she didn't pass a test! She effen died!! I hate for you, first that you lost your son. But for him to be your only child truly breaks my heart for you. I have 2 other daughters & as I truly truly do love them. They was raised by my mother do to me following the same path as your son did. So my baby that died ( she was 28 ) was like my only child. We had a bond not just of mother & daughter but of best friends, and we had that true unconditional love for each other. She didn't turn her back on me when I relapsed after 10 years of sobriety. She was strong for me. While I am speaking on that. This is the hardest time to stay sober, I am struggling only because I need a break from this Heartbreak before I die of a broken heart! If I can stay sober & wake up every day. I will continue to reach out to you all & be me, be truthful & be supportive as much as I can be! Hang in there sweetie we will do this together.
  8. PhyllisG

    PhyllisG Active Member

    Hey Audra, I hope you are doing okay and finding support you need. Like you, I also struggled with my own demons when it came to drugs and unfortunately my Joey was aware of that in his most critical teenage years. However, I did overcome that several years ago and YES it is very hard for me to not "go back" - especially when my mind starts that "why not" way of thinking. I am going to continue my sobriety for Joey. Your angel would not want that for you, nor would my Joey want that for me. I go and visit Joey every week at his final resting place and I cry uncontrollably...some days I can feel Joey in my heart and soul telling me everything is okay and he wants me to be okay. I hope you will do the same for your angel.....I know she wants you to be okay too.

    Hope to talk to you soon. We can and will get up each and every day and reach out to help others who are suffering and ourselves as well. You are in my prayers.
  9. Hey there, it was really good to hear from you again. You are absolutely right. As bad as I want to numb the pain every day. I choose not to because 1 have to stay strong like my Naomi would want me to. I have to take it one day at a time. Otherwise I probably would of already jumped at the chance. Well it looks like we have a lot in common, so we have to help each other stay strong & keep our angels memories alive. Not mask the memories in a negative way. We have to lean on each other for we by something horrible know each other's feeling & pain. So please know I am here if you need to talk. I'm so glad someone else knows the struggles I'm going through with wanting to use. But talking with you already makes me feel I'm not alone in this anymore. Is there anyway to give you my phone number without everyone seeing it. I'm so new using this sight that I barely know how to read replies. lol well need to get some rest, didn't sleep a wink last night, and maybe 2 hours the night before. So please forgive me for jumping ship on you! Hugs
    Hey there is really glad to hear from you again.
  10. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    ".Is there anyway to give you my phone number without everyone seeing it. "

    Hello Audra, Phyllis and everyone else on this thread. If you would like to connect more personally (which is really what this site is all about) you can do that by starting a conversation. You do this by clicking on a members name. This brings up several options including "Start a Conversation". A conversation is a private email that goes back and forth between you two only. You can exchange any private information (like phone numbers)---it's not even something that I as an administrator can see or ever have access to. It was purposely set up that way to provide the utmost protection for everyone's privacy.
    We encourage users to connect outside of the forums, as again that's what the site was really set up for.
    Hope this information is a help. So wonderful to see how everyone is such a help to each other here.
    Thanks for being here and being a part of it.
    Please take care ~
    Alice acevedo likes this.
  11. Alice acevedo

    Alice acevedo New Member

    My daughter will be 33 this July she was taken January 2016, after a battle with cancer. I was at her side when she passed. I feel the same as you, I am so tired of people tell me, it's OK,she's no longer in pain she's at a better place etc. every day I cry, maybe once in a while I'll go through a day without crying,can be either happy or sad tears. She left me two grand kids both remind me tremendously of her that is the only thing that keeps you going. I am walking in your shoes, I tried to kid myself today's going to be a good day but those good days are long gone. I still have a son but my firstborn left and she took a part of me. My condolences know that there are other people like us somewhere hopefully we can help each other get through this day by day, if that's possible