My Amazing Sister

Discussion in 'Loss of Sibling' started by Sheila512, Jun 25, 2021.

  1. Sheila512

    Sheila512 Well-Known Member

    I posted a few weeks ago that I was about to lose my sister. She passed on Father's Day, one day before her 61th wedding anniversary. I honestly thought that I was ready for this as I went through an even longer time before my husband passed. I was not ready. We are never ready and one death close to you does not prepare your for another. I expected this to happened but I am such a control freak I was determined to see to it that she would not be afraid and would not feel pain. Well, we can't always have what we want. I didn't get what I wanted but I understand that I could not control everything. I wanted so much to comfort her and for a while she would not let me, but eventually she did and it was a gift to me. It was an honor to care for her but I feel like I am starting all over. It has been 4 1/2 years since I lost my husband and I was almost feeling normal. This is quite a setback. I may never feel normal again. We were 4 years apart but many years ago she stopped having birthdays and I did not, so she told people I was actually older. People always mistake me for her. She was a local politician and I was frequently mistaken for her...it was an honor and I loved it. I just said "thank you." I have to remember how I handled this early grief the last time and try desperately to make it work for he again. I know losing the love of your life is probably the most difficult, but a sibling is blood with a long history and it hurts in a different and deeper way. I know this forum is here for me and I appreciate each one of you., just knowing you are available.
  2. Sheila512

    Sheila512 Well-Known Member

    I am going to reply to my own post s if I were not me!!! Sheila, you did the best you could for her. You could not control what was going on in her mind, even though you tried, You certainly did love her and she knew it. You know she knew it and you have to hold onto that fact. If you love going to her house because it is comforting, continue to go. Take care of your brother in law the best you can without losing yourself in yet another care giving scenario.
    Forgive yourself for what you could not control.
  3. MarioKiki

    MarioKiki Member

    Hi Sheila - I lost my sister suddenly in April. No one could have prepared me for this pain. Feeling numb, empty, and sad daily is incredibly exhausting. I can't imagine how you're feeling, but I do agree with you - forgive yourself for what you cannot control. Grief is not linear, and it'll come and go. Some days will be hard, and other days, we'll be okay. I try to think of my sister in a positive way, but I also get upset at her for dying. I still think I'm trying to fully accept her death. I know we'll get there one day. It has to get better -- it WILL get better. We don't ever feel "normal" again until we accept that this is our new normal. I'm sending you strength, love, and prayers to you and yours. Remember that this community is here for you.
  4. Sheila512

    Sheila512 Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the support. I’m working on forgiving myself for thinking I could have done more. I could not . I did it all. I appreciate your thoughts
    MarioKiki likes this.