Mixed Emotions after losing my brother

Hello, my name is Tiffany. I lost my older brother (and only sibling) just over 6 months ago. He was 33. He died suddenly in a car accident at high speed.
I have been struggling with so many emotions since then. I grieve with the loss of my only sibling, who I shared memories, laughs and a love of sports with. But we also had a very complicated relationship and he lied to my family about a lot of things. I have so much anger about how he behaved prior to his accident. And I struggle so much with the questions I have about his previous life and about his accident.
I also have really been struggling with the impact it has has on my family. I am now my parents only living child. I love them more than the world but their reaction to his death is a lot different than mine. I find it hard to be around them, because they are still quite tearful and react differently towards me (they are more overbearing now, and sometimes make me feel guilty about focusing on the happier aspects of my life).
I have had such a hard time because I feel like no one I know understands. Everyone asks me how my parents are but no one asks how I am. It is a lot of pressure now knowing i have to take care of my parents.

Has anyone else had these feelings or struggles? What has helped? Any input is appreciated!

 

Hi Tiffany, I am so sorry aboutyour brother. My brother just passed away a few months ago he had a terrible accident and was in a coma for over a year. I lost my mom 6 years ago, I dohave my dad and am grateful. My brother was my only sibling my older brother I am devastated. I try to cope every day. I would like to talk to you, Jaynie

 

Sorry for your loss Tiffany. I lost my brother too on Jan 08th too through a tragic road accident. We were best friends. I understand you completely. Many will tell us to stand with others but what about who will stand with us. We end up being strong for others yet we are wounded ourselves.

 

I don't think sibling grief gets enough of the attention that it deserves. I lost my only brother very unexpectedly in September 2018. He was my only sibling and now it's just me. Our siblings are our first friends, our first ally, our first foe. Growing up together forms a bond like no other. We protect each other..we know each other like nobody else.. then, when they are taken from us, people don't understand why it hurts so much. I will always mourn my big brother. And when people ask me how I am, I will be honest.. I am not okay. And I'm afraid that I never will be again..

 

I understand. My 26 yr old brother was in a bush plane crash in April and after 6 days in the hospital we took him off the breathing machine. It feels strange to be an only child now. I'm not sure if joining this group will help, but I don't feel like people understand. You can't know grief until it's yours. I used to feel a sadness for those who lost someone, but once it was my loss, I discovered a pain and sadness I never knew existed. I'm not okay either, but I don't feel comfortable telling people. Everyday I'm shocked and in disbelief that this could have actually happened. Not only am I haunted by the fact that my brother is gone, but also by those 6 days in the hospital. Hoping this group, with people I can possibly related to, can help.

 

I am so sorry for everyone’s passings of brothers. I miss my brother so bad. This week his the unveiling, so upset. He is my only brother and best friend. I would like to connect and talk more .jaynelr2002@yahoo.com

 

So sorry for your loss and I completely understand what you are going through. I lost my older sister (my only sibling and best friend) 3 mos ago. She was the only family member I had and now I have no family left. It is very difficult but I take one day at a time and think of the good moments we had together.

 

That's so true. I lost my brother last year and it's still as fresh as if it had just happened. My parents and his wife all have a different experience, of course, but even though his loss hasn't upended my daily life the way it has theirs, I feel just as broken. It's like losing a big part of yourself, your childhood. There are memories I used to ask him about and he would remember things that now no one does. I don't know anyone IRL who has gone through this so it is comforting to find people here.

 

I agree that it is so hard losing a sibling. I lost my sister about 7 months ago. She was my best friend and we lived together and I am the only one left in my immediate family. It is like losing a part of your childhood. It is very comforting to be able to share your thoughts with other people here that are going through the same grief.

 

So sorry for your loss and I understand what you are going through. The death of a sibling is the most neglected loss in adult life. Loss of a sibling means the loss of someone who knew your formative past. It might trigger feelings of guilt over unsolved sibling issues or a sense of abandonment.