Missing my mom

Discussion in 'Loss of Loved One to Violence/Murder' started by kls74, Aug 18, 2018.

  1. kls74

    kls74 New Member

    I want to apologize in advance for such a long post but it is a complicated story. I am an only child and my mom and I were best friends. In the past several years she had a lot of health issues that caused her to be in hospital quite a few times. She moved in with me, my boyfriend of 20 years, and my boyfriends dad (he had moved in about 1 year prior because he had no where else to go) about 3 years ago because of these health issues. After I discovered I was pregnant, my mom decided we needed our own space and bought a house about 1/2 mile away. However, because of her health, she had my boyfriends dad (I will call him my father in law to make it easier to explain) move in with her (as a roommate only) in case of an emergency. Fast forward about 10 months later: My mom was supposed to watch my daughter the next day because I had to work. However, my daughter was really cranky and I decided to take the day off work the next day to spend some time with just me and her and to relieve my mom from having to deal with a cranky 3 year old. I called my mom that Thursday night to tell her, little did I know that would be the last time I spoke to her. The next day, I texted my mom like usual to see how she was. I didn't hear back from her but didn't really think too much of it because she had days were she slept a lot and I figured if anything was wrong, my father in law (FIL) would let me know. I started getting worried later that night and told myself, if I didn't hear from her by the next morning I would go by and check on things. When I showed up the next morning. Her front door was locked and the living room was empty, which is odd as both my mom and my FIL were early risers (it was about 7:45 am). I passed by my FIL's room and saw it was empty (again, strange, he was always there). I made my way to my moms room and although my moms room is always pretty dark, I could see her laying on her bed. I called her name and reached out to touch her. She rolled toward me and that's when I saw all the blood. I ran to the phone in the kitchen (no cell phone service in her house at all) and called 911. After calling, I ran back to my mom, who was trying to get up. I saw blood coming out of her nose and ear. As I was talking to her, saying, "oh my god, what happened, did you fall, did someone do this to you", she just had this blank stare ( I will never forget that) and I asked her if she knew who I was and still just a blank stare. I told her to stay seated and help was on the way. When the paramedics showed up they at first stated she had a GI bleed but when they got her out of the dark room and in the ambulance, the saw she has severe head trauma and realized she had been attacked. I still didn't know where my FIL was and one of the paramedics and I searched the house looking but found nothing. I followed the ambulance to the hospital but was not allowed to see her for about 2 hours. The police came and spoke to me asking questions about my FIL (at this time I knew he was somehow involved in this but was still pretty shocked). When they finally let me see my mom, she was unconscious and all these tubes were coming out of her. She had bruises all down the side of her (her head, shoulder, arm, leg). The doctors explained that she had bleeding in the brain and the next few days were crucial and we just had to wait and see if it got better or worse. They could not operate because my mom had been on blood thinners. The police wanted to speak to me and that's when they told me my FIL was found dead from suicide about 1/2 mile from their home. My boyfriend was at home with our daughter and hadn't heard anything so far. After the investigation, the police believe that they got into an argument and he hit her one time and she fell and hit her head on a table in her room. I felt numb. After 1 week in intensive care the drs informed me my mom would not recover form her injuries and I made the tough decision to take her off life support. So many "what ifs": what if I had gone to work that day and taken my daughter over there, would they have not gotten in an argument because my daughter was there or would my FIL have hurt my baby girl too. What if, I would have gone and checked on her the first day I didn't her from her (dr's said it wouldn't have mattered but still...). What if I hadn't let him move in with us all those years ago, or stopped him from moving in the my mom to begin with. I knew they were starting to disagree more and more but never ever thought it would come to this. I apologize again for the length of this post but I really don't feel I have anyone to talk to about this. It is hard to talk to my boyfriend about it because it was his dad that killed my mom. My boyfriend has suffered from depression in the past and was so sicken with grief after it all happened. He must have apologized to me 100 times in the days to follow (even though I know it was not his fault). I don't have any other family now (my mom and I were both only children). There are no cousins even. My daughter (and boyfriend) are all I have now. I miss my mom so much. She loved me and my daughter so much. She wanted to be a grandma (nana) so much. I am so angry that my mom was taken away from not only me but my daughter. I have tried to be compassionate for my boyfriend because he also lost a dad that day and just as horrified as I am about the situation but I hate to even speak my FIL's name.
  2. Sciguy

    Sciguy Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear about the loss of your mother - especially under such circumstances. Wondering "what if" is very common. I did it when my mother died suddenly in May. We would almost always have done things differently if we had known what would happen. Given that that none of us can see the future however... We just do what we think is best at the time.