missing my husband

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by kerry martino, Aug 14, 2016.

  1. kerry martino

    kerry martino New Member

    I was Married to my juzgando for almost ten years.im raiseing now our only son who is ten by myself. My son was extremly close to his dad.I room care of him for 9months while he was bedridden.doctora didnt know why excatly why,saidParkinson like symptoms but didn't know for sure. We went through so Man yphysical therapist and doctors not to mention his daughters accusing me of poisoning him I finally got to Kaiser which is our last hope October 1st he was complaining of headaches so I begged them to do an MRI but no October 6th as my son was watching my husband he just passed out call nine-one-one by the time we got to Kaiser Hospital it was too late his brain what was so much blood that there was nothing they could do.I had to make a choice take him off breathing machine which was the only thing keeping him aliveit's just extremely hardespecially now that we had to move to a new house because they were selling our old one .The house we brought my son home in from hospital when he was bien and where se Have Lived for ten years.Now im really alone since i know nobody around here and i find myself doing morning but cry all the time.I Miss him so much .I just want to go be With him but i Have to Take care of our son.why is a Word i use alot.Its just not suppose to be líke this.
    Fionna and JennD.39 like this.
  2. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Hi Kerry, thank you for your post and for sharing your story.
    I think the question, "why?" is a question every griever asks. And after the loss of a loved one, and no longer caring for them, we have so much more time to think about all the questions...the "why?" and the "what if?"
    I know there are people here on this site who can relate to you and the struggle you now face. Unfortunately there is nothing that change the circumstances of these losses, but hopefully by connecting with others you may some comfort, and in that, some strength to move forward little by little, day by day.
    Thank you for being here...
  3. JennD.39

    JennD.39 Member

    hello Kerry ~ I am so sorry for your loss.
    I too am grieving my husband Michael, who passed into eternity on 17 August, 2014. He was a disabled VietNam Vet, was in the USMarines for four years and was in 'Nam for 13 months ~ way back in the early 70's.
    We were married in 1977, had eight children. In 1994 he was diagnosed with diabetes, which was proven to be a result of the Agent Orange that the government sprayed all over everything over there in the war to make it harder for the Viet Cong to hide in the dense jungles...Over the next 20 years he became sicker with all kinds of side effects ~ too many to mention here ~ congestive heart failure (which later progressed into ischemic heart disease), liver and kidney failure, anemia, three amputations, 3+years of dialysis, clogged arteries, on and on and on.....
    Anyway, after all this, he suffered a red heart attack while on the dialysis machine (while in the hospital), and never came out of it. He was put on a respirator and after 2 weeks we were forced to take him off of it. (I was told that, with all of his infections, and after such a severe attack, no doctor would touch him and no specialty hospital would take him if we had him trached.)
    My comfort is that we were able to get a Priest to come to give him Anointing of the Sick (we're Catholic) and I am assured that he is in a better place now...waiting for me to join him in Heaven someday.
    So, I pray and I cry, I read and I cry, I draw (I am an artist) and I cry. The one bright light is our children and grandchildren (seven of them so far)...they have been a wonderful help to me, they are my "bright lights." Two daughters still live here and they are good company after the others have all gone home. I cannot imagine what you must be going through, having to raise your young son all by yourself, losing your longtime home, and ESPECIALLY being accused by your stepdaughters of poisoning your late husband!! That must have been devastating, to say the least...
    I feel for you, dear, and I will keep you in my prayers!! Know that there are others like you "out here" and we feel the same pain, we (many times) feel as if we are going through our daily lives like robots ~ depressed, numb, sad ~ forcing ourselves to go on, not knowing if we will ever feel happy again.
    If you ever want to write to me, just to vent, to cry on a "virtual" shoulder, to share a happy memory (or even a sad one) ~ just know that you may reach me here ANY time...and I will respond.
    We are NOT alone in this, we have God on our side...and He does take care of the widows and orphans! He will not abandon you.
    Peace. xo
  4. john

    john Active Member

  5. john

    john Active Member

    I am so sorry for you loss Kerri
    I feel your pain
  6. Allan roberts

    Allan roberts New Member

    I can relate to your loss, I recently lost my wife about three months ago to colon cancer it was a long journey and a hard journey and very trying. She was A wonderful and brave woman that faced death with the assurance that she had a place in heaven with God.
  7. Allan roberts

    Allan roberts New Member

    I forgot to add we we're together about 34 years which makes it extremely hard. We did not have any children.
  8. john

    john Active Member

    Allen I feel your pain 34 years is a long time. Carolyn and I were married for 40 years and these are very difficult times for the both of us Carolyn was 61and we had 2boys Allen
  9. Fionna

    Fionna New Member

    I am new to this site! But I feel your pain!! I just lost my husband very suddenly almost in front of the eyes of myself & my daughter!! What looked like Cardiac arrest, which I did CPR on him for 10 mins until the medics got to us! They said if I wouldn't have done CPR on him he would've passed in our home! But, it gave him a chance to be worked on by the cardiovascular emergency lab! But it wasn't enough, he passed away on the operating table That was this passed January then I lost my mom in July
    I am so sad I just need support from others in similar situations!!!!!
  10. kerry martino

    kerry martino New Member

    Sorry to hear about loseing two people in such a short time.know you are not alone with your pain. It sounds crazy but even if I know he won't be comeing threw the door again ,I still want to believe he will. In fact I signed up for a Life after Lose meeting and it started today.I drove across town and when I got there ,I couldn't go in..I'm alone alot with my pain and my ten year old .it's really ,really is just to unreal. Just know your not alone .
  11. Patti

    Patti New Member

    I sympathize with widows and widowers here. My mother died in May of last year at age 98. She lived in an apartment behind my house for the last eight years of her life. Five months later, my husband of fifty years died. He was twenty years my senior. I knew when I married him that the odds were astronomical that I would outlive him.
    We had such a wonderful life together that I don't regret for even a second that I married someone so much older. His loss threw me into a mental melt down that scrambled my memory something awful. It has been a long road back to almost normal cognitive function. I wish everyone the strength to endure your loss and the ability to get your life back on track. It can be grueling, so hang on tight and don't let go. Grief can beat you down, but somewhere inside you there exists a spark waiting to turn on and give you back the motivation to do something positive with your life. When you realize that your loved one would have truly wanted you to have a good quality of life for the rest of your life, then you can honor him or her by diving back into living once again, knowing your spouse would want the best for you.