Missing Dad...and Mom

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by ali65, Dec 20, 2022.

  1. ali65

    ali65 Member

    My dad died suddenly in June from a heart attack, and I can't move on. When he died, i packed a bag & went there to be with my mom. I haven't been home since. Soon after his passing, her cardiac problems worsened, and i became her caregiver. They were married for 62 years.Now, she's been diagnosed with dementia & I'm trying to transition her to assisted living, which she is refusing to do Involuntarily, i've been given POA and HCP - hate the responsibilities. They're just too big. My sister has significant problems & is not able to help, other than being needy and instigating conflict. She is also from out of state, but hasn't left. We fight every day.

    So much happening and i cant manage it all. So many details not included here. It's all such an enormous weight ...not many friends in the area.

    How can i possibly get past this? Can't sustain this or do it all. Im so displaced -- emotionally, literally, psychologically. In therapy (new therapist) weekly,but it's just not enough. Don't know what to do. Losing 1 parent is hatd enough. Witnessing the gradual loss if the other is agonozing. Pretty scared.
  2. Ceee

    Ceee Well-Known Member

    Ali, i am sorry for your loss and for the hard times you are going through. I hope you can connect with others on this site. There are many caring and sharing people here waiting for you to reach out to them. They are here for you and will listen without judgement and be there to support you. HUGS
  3. ali65

    ali65 Member

    Thank you Ceee, Im devastated and so very lost amidst the heaviness of increasingly complex problems. Please keep your support coming. Please spread my message if you can. Iam open & desperately need the connection.
    Grateful for your response.
  4. Jose Q

    Jose Q New Member

    Hi Ali, I'm so sorry for your loss and for the difficult times you are facing. I recently lost my dad to covid so I understand your pain, please know that you are not alone and that within you lies the strength to keep going, even if right now is doesn't seem like it.

    LISAAFK New Member

    I am going through something similar. My Dad passed 2 and a half months ago. My mother is on her 3rd hospital stay with 3rd pneumonia and extreme paranoia and dementia. I have one sibling that Im close to, she's the caretaker and I help support her and husband emotionally. I am worried she's not going to make it. My husband passed 18 months ago suddenly, widowmaker heart attack. I feel like I'm white knuckling life. My husband came into a dream and told me it was time to get a job Somehow I did finally find sonething part time. His way of saying its time to take care of myself. Whether or not thats true. I needed a break from myself. I hope it works. You see I love my parents, but they didn't look out for us and my sister and I. Anyway, thats my own weird outlook. Ps my mother in law passed 29 days after my husband. I was sonewhat close to her. But I definitely saw differences in how they handled their situation. Its never pretty but planning really helps