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Merry Christmas

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by tgotyall, Dec 22, 2021.

  1. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    That's GREAT about your friend, Gary.
    Our soulmates wanted us to be healthy
    and happy. I am trying to keep my
    promise to Linda. Sleep is so vital for
    our well being. It has been a real pleasure
    to talk with my brothers today. We need to
    pat ourselves on the back about how
    brave we were to soldier through
    Christmas. Sleep well, my brother. Lou
     
  2. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

     
  3. Gary166

    Gary166 Guest

    15 months ago I went to the doctor to get a flu shot. Three days later I was running a fever and so weak I could barely function. My condition lasted exactly 14 days. I had the Covid test and the results were negative. I believe I had a false negative test result. I don’t ever want to experience that again. It took another 2 weeks to get my strength back. I felt bad not for filling my commitments yesterday. But today is a new day. So I’ll pick myself up and get back in the race cause that’s life. that’s what they say. riding high in April. shot down in May. We do deserve to pat ourselves on the back for surviving Christmas without our beloved in the physical form. I did fell Cheryl’s presence with me off an on yesterday. I felt strange in a way that I wasn’t all there regarding my mental faculties. That May have been a survival mechanism. Lou thanks to you and George I didn’t have to feel the loneliness and isolation I was expecting. When I went to the entrance of Mr Grief’s amusement park there was a sign that read closed for the day. Another chapter of the never ending saga of reconciliation with Mr Grief. Thanks Brothers. Gary
     
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  4. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Gary, I have to go with my gut this am,&do what's best for me, day to day. Glad I
    went to see my friend yesterday, bc it's a
    raw, gray cold day, I was exhausted and
    did a Rip Van Winkle, and slept almost 12
    hours! It's a robe& slippers day today. I need my rest. On Monday, I will go into gear. Your Sinatra reference is perfect. L
     
  5. Gary166

    Gary166 Guest

    I’m glad you’re ok older brother(Lou). I knew it’s not normal for you to post later. I got in bed at 9:30 and woke up at 3:30. I’m going to have to go to bed later. It’s freezing fog here. I’m staying in too. Our younger brother(George)is receiving another round of D today. I hope it goes well for him. I’m going to look though Cheryl’s school photos today and figure out how to display them. I’ve been fearful of doing this. But I must make a beginning. Gary
     
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  6. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your concern, Gary. I took
    Tylenol this am & went back to bed, I
    needed the sleep. I may have been
    fighting off something, so it was the best
    thing I could do. I seem to be OK, but no desire to go out. You pointed out that I
    sometimes need to recharge. I plan to go
    out Mon & Tues, & we're supposed to get
    some sun. You may be right about your
    sleep schedule. Everyone is different. We're here for George whenever he wants
    to vent. He's a brave guy, and still manages
    to have a sense of humor. If displaying
    Cheryl's photos is too heartbreaking today,
    you may want to do it on a sunny day, so you can take a walk afterward and clear
    your head. Lou
     
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  7. Gary166

    Gary166 Guest

    I agree Lou, George is a brave man. I hope George is resting well now. I gave myself permission to mourn while looking at Cheryl’s old photos today. I had been short changing Mr Grief lately and it was time to settle up. I’m obsessed with Cheryl’s junior and high school photos. I believe there is a possibility of feeling Cheryl’s presence more now with more photos out in the open. I have many more to look at buried in Cheryl’s computer and sd cards. Like you said Lou I will pick a sunny day for that. I’m glad you’re having an easy does it day. I’m doing 40 minutes on the exercise bike now. Ttyl. Gary
     
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  8. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Gary, I chose not to save Linda's photos
    when she was a girl,. I brought them to my
    grief counselor, and. couldn't stop weeping.
    Linda was a beautiful blonde
    little girl, and blonde through high school
    & college. After that, she started to dye her
    hair. When we met, in our mid 40s, Linda
    had a full head of blonde hair. She went to
    a beauty salon, and was proud of her
    appearance. I saved our wedding pictures,
    Gary, bc that's how I choose to remember
    her. In our later years, bc of entanglements
    with our toxic parents, we decided to get
    married in Las Vegas, without them. I
    prize those pictures, but had to put them
    in the closet, for now, bc they break my
    heart. We went on a downward spiral,
    bc of bad financial decisions, and not
    putting our happiness first. I had flashbacks of living in our car, today. I
    felt a heavy guilt ( even though it wasn't
    all my fault), and became extremely
    depressed. Sleeping many hours, was how
    I dealt with it. The fact is that Linda had
    an unhappy childhood, and felt cursed.
    She smoked, drank, and unfortunately had
    a sweet tooth. She had to give up smoking
    after being in the hospital that first time,
    for cancer. She developed Diabetes 2, and
    all that anger & bitterness, I think, led to
    her starting to lose her hair, and let it go.
    When she got her driver's license, for
    identification, she looked like a sad, old
    woman. I destroyed that photo, in front
    of the grief counselor, while sobbing. I
    felt guilty today, that I'm healthy and
    have some money. I have to remind
    myself that I did take Linda out to
    dinner later, including Valentine's Day.
    She died later that year, but that dinner
    was quiet, calm, and special. Lou
     
  9. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    Lou, I'm back and just read this post. I got emotional reading it. You remember every little detail of your and Linda's marriage. I like to remember we came into this world with our own personality and will go out with it. What happens in between -- we do our best for our love ones and ourselves. We all have human error and I feel guilt without forgiving ourselves causes discord, sickness, and unhappiness. I try to learn from my guilt because it's we who suffer not Jack or Linda or anyone else's love ones. I don't think the emotion of guilt is in the after life for our love ones.
    I will catch up on all the brother's posts, but this one just popped up. And to George, Gary, Tom, Chad Rick and anyone I missed here and us gals, I truly hope everyone made it through Christmas. Karen
     
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  10. Gary166

    Gary166 Guest

    Lou that is a very beautiful moving love story. Our vehicle changes but we keep going. You loved Linda more than life itself. Linda’s form and appearance changed but you loved her more. You were there when Linda needed you. You have one of the most intense powerful loves I’ve ever heard of. That’s what I don't understand about grief recovery. very few people go the extra mile to get better. Their pain must paralyze them. Cheryl and I met in 2012. I was 57 and Cheryl was 59. Our relationship only lasted 9 years but I have never felt more love and appreciation from anyone. About a year before Cheryl passed we were watching tv and I broke down crying and told Cheryl I was sorry I hadn’t told her I loved her enough. One of Cheryl’s coworkers and closest friends told me Cheryl had lived the happiest days of her life with me. That was a honor to know that. While in isolation last year I was in a continuous state of mild depression. Cheryl was always in a cheerful mood and so supportive. Any time Cheryl wanted to go for a hike bike ride or just a walk I always went. Thank God! I feel Cheryl is with off and on. I’m learning more about life. There’s a new member named Angelique that joined us last night from Connecticut. I love TGW. Gary
     
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  11. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Words can't express how good it was to hear your kind, and forgiving words. In my
    head, I know that Linda had her blind
    spots. My kind grief counselor pointed
    that out. When I was in the psychiatric
    unit for 5 nights, the counselors said the
    same thing. Bc of my PTSD, I couldn't
    sleep AT ALL. This was magnified, as I've
    said, by my manic depression. The nurses
    had to give me Melatonin, to relax and
    sleep for a few hours. The clients with
    depression, not manic depression, would
    sleep all day, except for meetings & meals.
    I didn't understand that, until today, when,
    I slept almost 12 hours, and still had to
    take naps. It was a cold, raw, dark day, and
    I had no desire to go outside. As I told Gary,
    I'm fighting a slight fever & chills. I'm about to take Tylenol, and go to bed early.
    Tomorrow's weather is the same, so I'll
    wait for a warmer, sunny day on Tues &
    hopefully walk outside then. It was great
    to talk with Gary, you, and others. I just
    welcomed Mark, in Florida. His wife, Debbie, died unexpectedly a few months
    ago. He has been "listening"to us, and
    decided to answer me tonight.I welcomed him to our band of brothers, and suggested
    The Widower's Notebook. Mark's user
    name is markbeth. Pleasant dreams, Karen . Lou
     
  12. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Thank you, Gary, I need all the help I can
    get from TGW tonight. Karen responded
    to my post to you, and was as forgiving &
    kind, as ever. I'm glad you welcomed and
    comforted Angelique. I did the same tonight for Mark, about 60, from Florida,
    whose wife, Debbie, died unexpectedly a
    few months ago. I welcomed him to our
    hard core of brothers, you, George, & me.
    I also suggested Jonathan's book. Mark had
    been "listening " to us, and would tap,
    "LIKE" to our posts, but it was great to see
    him reply to me tonight. God Bless you,
    Karen, and now,Mark, to come to my side,
    as I stumble & fall. I'm taking Tylenol,
    & getting under the.covers, early. wearing my sweatshirt bc I have a slight fever &
    chills. I will wait 'til a sunny, warmer
    Tues. to walk outside. Hope you get your
    rest, Gary. Lou
     
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  13. Countess Joy

    Countess Joy Well-Known Member

    Oh, Lou I do hope you take care of yourself. What a lousy time to be sick.
    The snow did not manifest as forecast, only about an inch instead of the six we were expecting. But we are definitely Cold! Barely above freezing today. I don’t mind it and for many that wouldn’t be news but we’re just not set up for it out here. ~B
     
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  14. Countess Joy

    Countess Joy Well-Known Member

    Hi Gary, Kenn and I had a chance to round up some old photos the last couple of years before he died. He told me the story of his life just meandering through them. So much we don’t know about each other’s softest spots until we see where they’ve come from. I put a couple of pictures of the two of us on a shelf in the bedroom a couple of weeks ago, it does make me feel like he’s close by. ~B
     
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  15. Countess Joy

    Countess Joy Well-Known Member

    Welc
    Welcome back, Karen how was your time away? ~B
     
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  16. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much,Bernadine. I am so
    grateful for the outpouring of support
    today, from Gary, Karen, and now you, I
    was very depressed today, and just wanted
    to pull the covers over my head. I will
    get my sleep, stay inside again tomorrow,
    on another raw, gray cold day. We get a
    cold wind off the ocean. The breeze is
    wonderful in the summer, but the harsh
    wind goes through me, as I get older, now.
    Hope to walk outside on Tues when it's
    sunny, and a little warmer. Lou
     
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  17. eyepilot13

    eyepilot13 Well-Known Member

    Hey everybody there!
    didn't even get on the computer at all yesterday. Did grocery store and then some fun and interesting Sunday Dialysis. Got through it. Drove the GF to work. Trying so much to do better but it is so hard. I keep looking at Valerie's picture from 1987. It is next to the computer.
     
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  18. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    George, so happy & relieved to hear from
    you this am. Gary & I were concerned
    about our brave, younger brother, who
    had to go through the cold misery of
    dialysis, after a sad Christmas without
    Valerie. It is good that you take comfort
    in seeing Valerie's photo every night. Like
    many GW, I cannot see my wife's photo,
    without weeping, even after 3 years. I put
    our wedding photos in my closet. I know
    they are there, when I feel strong enough
    to look at them. As I told others here, I was
    very depressed yesterday, and felt guilty
    that I'm alive, in a warm apartment, with
    plenty of food, and Linda is no longer here
    to share it with me. I had no appetite,
    which was unusual for me (!), and just
    wanted to pull the covers over my head &
    sleep----a lot. Turns out I was fighting a
    slight fever & chills, so I took Tylenol,
    went to bed early last night, and woke up
    at my usual 6am. It was great to see that
    Bernadine was worried about me, and
    that she & Robin welcomed Angelique,
    whose husband, Brandon, just died from
    COVID. Gary welcomed and comforted
    Angelique yesterday. Lou
     
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  19. eyepilot13

    eyepilot13 Well-Known Member

    So glad to read your response. still feel very tongue-tied and out of it. But I try to appreciate the good moments. Just in the context of life it doesn't sem much anymore. I don't have to do anything right now and I tell myself that is ok. I wish I would listen! At least no dialysis today!
     
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  20. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Thank God you don't have dialysis today.
    You never have to feel that you're forced
    to "talk" with us on GIC. Sometimes. if
    you're up to it, you can just tap, "LIKE" ,
    like Chad just did. I thanked Karyn
    Arnold , by email ( in reply to her
    New Year's course) for getting us through
    Christmas, with other sad&lonely
    widowed people on GIC. Lou
     
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