Merry Christmas

Thank you, Robin. I went to sleep early,
but woke up, crying about Linda. The
holidays of Thanksgiving, Christmas, and
New Year's, are stirring up a lot of
memories of our spouses, and the agony
of not having them physically by our
sides. Thank God for GIC, bc I could talk
with someone like you, tonight. This
holiday is bringing back people I thought
had left, like young Sweetcole, from
Georgia, to whom I just replied. I feel a
little better now, and I think I can go back
to sleep. Hope you can, too, Robin. Lou

 

I can’t even imagine. Losing one person is debilitating. You’re mourning your wonderful husband and your son. So glad you have your daughter and granddaughter there for you. I have Ron in his urn in our living room. What’s funny is he told me, years before he passed, not to get a special urn, just put him in a shoebox and don’t have me front and center. He also didn’t want a big funeral. I told him, I can’t promise those things. I need to do what helps me. He said he understood. And also said he’s not going anywhere anytime soon. I’m glad we had that conversation and he understood I needed to do what feels right to me. But sadly he did leave me way too soon after that conversation.
I’m anxious to get past the holidays and see what the new year brings. Hopefully more peace and strength, for you and your family and everyone on here. Take care. Robin

 

Karen, my sleeping patterns have been
weird these nights leading up to
Christmas. I thought I slept for hours, but
was shocked that it was only one hour. I
had sad images what would turn out to
be Linda's last days. I'm grateful I saw
Robin, Sweetcole ( who I thought left GIC),
and you. I was sad about your urns for
Jack and your son. I have a memorial, with
Linda's ashes, on top of my bureau, in
the corner of my bedroom/ living room
( bc I live in an apartment). I don't look at
her memorial every day, but I take
comfort that it is there, and her spirit is
with me. Lou

 

Lou,
I like that you call your tribute to Linda, her memorial. I use that too. A jade elephant. I love it. I understand you not decorating, not sure I would if it wasn’t for my daughter. I used to do the whole house. Every room. Now I put out Ron’s favorite things. Some of which are ceramics that I’ve painted. Thank you for the Christmas wishes and and the nice compliment. I feel my best when I try to help others. I wish you a Merry Christmas as well and that you enjoy your walk by the ocean. I know I’d be too cold to be by the ocean. But I do love it so. I am surrounded by water so I should love it. I think I’m signing out now for real. Robin

 

The holidays sure do stir up emotions. We’ll get through. It usually isn’t as awful as our minds conjure up. We’re a team, we help each other. You worded it correctly. It is agony and the missing is extra extreme. We need their touch, laughter, talk of past holidays etc etc. I do wish you had someone to spend these days with Lou. I know you’ll say you’ll be ok. But I do wish that for you.
Frigid cold here today. Staying inside where it’s warm. My heat feels like it’s running constantly.
I know sweetcole well. We go way back and talk daily. I hope you got back to sleep and rested well. I did fair. That’s usual for me.
Have a good day, stay warm. Robin

 

Thanks so much for your kind reply
this morning, Robin. I'm glad you're staying inside today, too. I'm looking
out my window at a clear blue sky &
brilliant sunshine, as I have an early
lunch with a V-8 pick me up. The most
important thing for me today, is rest,
meals, being calm & living in the moment.
Before I know it, Christmas weekend,
with its' snow & rain, will be over. I'm
looking forward to Monday, and the
coming week. I'm happy that you know
Sweetcole. I did my usual PITA move
( pain in the ass- learned that word from
Deb) and asked her first name and that of
her husband. I did the same for a new
widow, Educ8r, 66, from Texas. Hope you
can reach out to her, too. Lou

 

This time of year stirs up a lot of emotions. I am lucky to be spending Christmas with my children and grandchildren, but I am always reminded of the void, the emptiness. This is my 4th Christmas without my Jeff. I try to keep some of the traditions that he loved, like going for a ride to look at the lights. The first year we were at our new house, Jeff set up a string of lights on a tree in our front yard. Well I got the bright idea of making homemade bird feeders out of pinecones, peanut butter and birdseed and place it on his tree. I didn't think about the squirrels and they tore the lights apart. To this day when walking in the woods near my house I see stray Christmas lights, it always makes me smile.
I hope you all find some peace this holiday season. Take care of yourselves.

 

I went outside to check the level of my fuel and felt like I was going to freeze. As my older brother said as a child. It’s a fake sun today. I think a lot of us are wishing to rush past and get to Sunday and Monday. I’m hoping my day will go well and have no issues. Last year on Christmas Day my septic tank collapsed. At least I know that won’t happen this year. Enjoy your V-8 pick me up. Not sure what my lunch will be. Living in the moment is perfect every day but especially this time of year. Today I’m cleaning house for Christmas so I can relax tomorrow before my daughter and I go out for dinner like we did every year. We’re going to a place my brother took me to for my birthday. Overlooking the water. Less then a mile from my house. I talk with sweetcole often, usually every day. We’ve become friends and offer support as we need. Robin

 

To Every GIC member...

I don't know what to say, I'm at a loss for words, which as any of you who know me, is so very unlike me. As Lou said previously, "Christmas isn't very merry for those of us here," (or something similar to this, I have foggy widow brain to the max today), but and this is a really BIG BUT!!!, I hope each and every one of us, no matter how we choose to do Christmas this year, has at least one moment that brings only smiles... I know this is a very big wish... Sadly, from now on, all of life will always be so bittersweet for all of us, happy... mixed with sad... (I've adopted this phrase from Robin who I think says it best). It SUCKS!!!

I believe with all my heart, that our loved ones are watching over us, and as always, will be watching over us on Christmas... I think the very best Christmas gift we can give to them, is to take the very best care of ourselves both emotionally and physically, as we possibly can. I don't believe that we're still on this earth just to spend the rest of our lives miserable. Life is a gift. My Christmas wish for all of us, is that in time, we will begin to cry less, smile more... overcome the challenges that have been thrown at us... and rediscover who we are, our purpose in life, now that our loved ones are no longer with us. My wish is that in time, by rediscovering who we are, we will find some sort of happiness... (although I have no idea what this new kind of happiness will be like), and ultimately find peace.

I know we come from many different backgrounds, have different religious and/or spiritual views..., so I hope I'm not offending anyone by saying that I believe, when it's our time to leave this earth, we will be reunited with our loved ones. Until then, with the support and understanding that only those of us who have been through this worst kind of pain imaginable, this total heartbreak, of all the GIC members, we will get through this, one step at a time..., day by day... together.

This holiday season, I am very grateful to all of you, to the friends I've made on this site, and to each and every one of the GIC members, for being here, to offer support, to provide advice, giving all of us a safe place to visit, to share our innermost feelings..., all without judgement. I'm not sure I would be able to make it through this, if it wasn't for all of you. Thank you, GIC!!! You're the absolute best!!!

So, for lack of a better way of phrasing this, Merry Christmas to everyone.... But, and this is another one of those really BIG BUTS!!!, if the day just totally SUCKS!!!, remember that Christmas is just one day. It will be over before we know it. (Thanks Lou for mentioning this in previous posts. Keeping this in mind, has helped me get through many miserable days.) Backing up to the beginning of this paragraph, what I really want to say to everyone is have the best Christmas possible, and know that in life everything is always subject to change, so wishing all of us much better days ahead. Starting to ramble and am having trouble expressing myself today, so stopping here. So until next year...

Sending you hugs, wishing you peace... DEB

 

Mary, this is my 4th Christmas without
Linda, and I"m on a Tilt -a-Whirl of
emotions, from sadness, anger, and
loneliness. I just want Christmas to be
over. It's even worse this year, with
crappy, cold weather, here on the coast
of Massachusetts, and the Omicron
hysteria. As a nurse, Mary, you know
what I'm talking about. I live in a small
town, not a big city, thank God, and look
after my physical health: regular sleeping,
eating. & walking schedule. I also take a
Multivitamin, with iron, zinc,etc. Merry
Christmas. Lou

 

Thank you, Deb, for your beautiful words
of love and hope for TGW, before you
head off on your Christmas trip with your
son. Thanks,as always. for honoring me
by quoting me on GIC. Like many, I'm on
a wild, not so amusing amusement park
ride of deep sadness, anger. and
loneliness. I can't imagine going through
this mourning, without TGW. I also
greeted new members. As I just said to
Mary, I can't wait for Christmas to be
over, with the crappy weather up north
and the Omicron hysteria, I can only stay
healthy, get rest. & look forward to next
week. Lou

 

Tilt a whirl is a great way to describe the feelings of the season! I'm hoping you get out for some fresh air, that always makes me feel better. I was a messy day yesterday up here in Maine, and very cold today, it makes it hard to get out but as you know it is very important. I still have a difficulty sleeping at times, but it's better than it has been. Hope you have a Merry Christmas.
Peace
Mary

 

Thank you, Mary. I usually do walk
outside, but my heart's not in it today.
Do you get the Center for Loss daily
emails? Many of us do, and I find their
quotations, from different writers &
poets, both soothing &thought
provoking. Merry Christmas in Maine.
Linda & I found it to be a beautiful
state. Thank you for being on here today,
especially with your profession. Nurses
had always been kind to Linda & me. Lou

 

Thank you Robin. It's devastating losing son and husband just 1 year and 3 months apart. I hate the name "urn". Jack is in a walnut box with a tree engraved in the front I bought from Amazon. My son is in a music box, he loved music.
You are fortunate to of had a conversation before Ron left. Jack couldn't talk so we had no communication at the end.

You and Lou have been grievers for 3 years. I always thought, way back, 1 year and grief is over with, not true. I think people who have never gone through a close death think 1 year and back to normal. So, for you and Lou I'm learning mourning continues, but changes.

Let's hope the new year does bring more peace and strength for us all.

 

Karen, your words about Robin & me.
made me cry, bc you understand. I didn't
sleep well last night and it was good to
see you & Bernadine, from the West
Coast, in my hour of need. I also felt
compelled to welcome potential new
people to GIC, & to greet others, who I
thought had moved on. Center for Loss
continues to reassure me that my feelings
of "mourner's fatigue" are natural. It's an
extra effort in the long dark, cold nights
of winter, Christmas included. Your
comments about the memorials for Jack &
your son, resonated with me about Linda.
I picked out a simple green one with a
lighthouse, and her name, without her
birth date or death date, bc I wanted it to
be timeless, and that her spirit would
live forever.Now, I must take a nap, to make up go last night. Lou

 

I’ve looked everywhere and can’t seem to find my box of Ho Ho Hos. Yes I’m wishing my life away too. Wishing That Friday will turn into Monday as Santa climbs up the chimney and heads back to the North Pole after leaving a large bag of reindeer dung. I just watched the Weather Channel and New York and the west coast are in for a big snow storm Saturday. Stay safe Robin. I spent two hours in the woods taking down tree stands and trail cameras. There was a cold chill and high winds but it’s always nice to be in the woods. Bernadine, Cheryl used to make wreaths with white pine and spruce boughs too. Cheryl would put deer antlers and turkey feathers in them. And a red ribbon in a bow. I am very grateful Cheryl came into my life. Cheryl loved outdoor photography. Cheryl had a magnifying eye for beauty in small or insignificant objects. When we first met I took Cheryl to a bunch different nature preserves and state lands. Back then we used real cameras in stead of phones. I have the SD cards to those photos but I’m not ready to look at all of them yet. One is a shadow on top of snow with the two of us standing together arms around each other’s shoulders. Makes me happy sad thinking about that. But isn’t that the Yin and Yang of grief? I received one Christmas card from Cheryl’s family. If I had been invited I would have declined any way. I have a volunteer job from 11-2 Christmas early then I’m going to my cousin Sherry’s. I keep playing Aretha Franklin “Keep on Keeping On” in my head. Knowing that is what we do. TGW keep on keeping on. We make the best out of a bad situation. Instead of saying the traditional thing this season; May The Force Be With You TGW!!! Gary

 

Gary, I laughed out loud at "reindeer
dung"! Thank you, I needed that as I'm sure others feel that way. Mr. Grief's
Tilt-a -Whirl ride of emotions, from
sadness, anger, & loneliness at my 4th
Christmas without my soulmate ( like
Robin and Mary) is not giving me joy.
I can't listen to certain songs, bc I break
down. When Linda & I met at a Boston
Christmas party, she knew I liked
Aretha Franklin's Respect. Unbeknownst
to me, she quietly went up to the band
to request they play it for me. I put my
hand on hers, bc I knew she "was the
one". Our 1st date was at the House of
Blues, and we both knew we were
soulmates. I haven't been sleeping well
at night. Thank God, I can find my
likeminded close friends on GIC, and
welcome new ones. I take naps at odd
times, part of mourner's fatigue, and about
to now, at 8:20pm , my time. I will check
in with TGW later. Your Christmas
plan sounds like a good one. Lou

 

And where can I find my box of Snickers. Thank you Gary, your posts are so interesting.

 

Kenn played the trumpet. We’ve had countless weekend gigs and weeknight blues jams. “Slow Blues in F” he would tell the band.
He played old style, young musicians were always approaching not having heard much of that. The trumpet is on my piano under the elk skin hoop drums we made together.
I like the idea of grief, like all thing I suppose, in the yin/yang. Sweet memories & salty tears. It provides the whole when the two are swirled, each unique and in dance with each other. ~B

 

Ho Hos are next to the Ding Dongs. I bet we’ll find them both at family gatherings this holiday.