Lost

That has to feel great having your daughter so close. I’m jealous. My daughter is about 20 minutes away. Having our daughters close is a godsend, where would we be without them.

 

Lou I know oh so well that getting out and getting fresh is so important and helpful. Yet this winter I’m struggling with that. I just don’t want to. If I need something at the store it sometimes takes 3 or 4 days to actually get out and go. Once I’m out i know This is what I need. Im happy you have such a closeness with Linda by using her cane. Im sorry you woke up crying but happy you have ways to get past it and. An enjoy your day. It’s been raining raining so much that doesn’t help me want to get out. On the plus side, at least it’s not snow. Just imagine how much snow we’d have. Robin

 

Robin, woke up just now, at 4:30am. I've
had many dreams tonight about people I
don't know. Strange. I can hear heavy rain
outside my window, and I'm relieved it isn't snow. I wanted to check in with my
friends on GIC, before rolling over to go
back to sleep. It was good to see you, Gary,
and George's video. I agree with you,
Robin, about yearning for summer, my
favorite season, both for its' warmth, and
for meeting new people, incl. tourists,
on day trips, weekend getaways, or
vacations.Karen ( "Ms. Hum", as I like to
call her) asked yesterday what a good
nickname could be for you. Because of
your love of the beach, I suggested your
name could be "Summer" , which happens
to be the name of one of the waitresses
at one of my breakfast places. Lobster Lou

 

Are we having fun yet? No. Not really. I put off shopping and going out in public also Robin. Even on my rural county road I don’t like going to my mailbox some days. This is the most miserable winter. Not because of the severe weather. Because of the dampness and cloudy days. I know what it feels like to be shut in now. I’m keeping busy making antler art, video games, and the exercise bike but it is becoming old shit! And oh goodie it’s tax time! At least we are somewhat healthy, sane, and mobile. I binged out yesterday on forwarding videos and mindless texts to some unappreciative people. I feel very negative right now. I must be gentle and compassionate with myself now. This must be a normal part of our grief journey during the winter. The days are getting longer though. Thank goodness I can come here and vent. I must persevere. I just must. Gary

 

That's right, Gary, keep rolling.. Let's all keep rolling...
Rose.

 

Gary, you gave me a LMSO, when you
asked, "Are we having fun yet?". Linda
used to say that to me when I had a
grouchy face. It seems many of us are
struggling with our grief at this time:
BroGeo, La Rose, Robin ( or, as I call her,
"Summer"), Ms. Mum, Deb ( "Ms. Coo),
you , me, and others. I'm reminded of
the first line from Shakespeare's
Richard III: "For now is the winter of our
discontent". Being the old guy I am ( but
hate to admit it), I saw my hero, Al Pacino
( ironically known best for being Michael
Corleone, in The Godfather), playing
Richard III, on stage in a Boston church.
A bat was flying above our heads in the
church, and there were murmurs from
the audience. Pacino interrupted his
soliloquy, looked up, and cooly stated,
" It's a bat", and many people laughed.
Then, he proceeded. I cried this am, like
I always do, yelled F*CK, and walked
outside in the rain......Lobster Man

 

P.S. Garbear, I screwed up on my post
( needed more coffee). There is no "For"
in beginning of Richard III first line. Had
to set record straight. Lousterino

 

Nope, not having fun yet. Everything sucks right now. Ron and I used to say that often. Now my daughter and I say it even more often. I don’t wish what I’m feeling right now on anyone. But it does feel nice knowing I’m not the only one feeling this right now. Fresh air and nature is what keeps me going, moving and feeling stronger. Like you, this winter has been so damp and dark I just can’t make myself do much of anything. I’ve been pushing through for quite a while but right now, not so much. I need to get out of this funk somehow. I will say and I’ve told George this, his art inspires me. Explain antler art if you don’t mind. I’m intrigued. I used to be a very hands on person, lots of creativity in my life. I try but right now it’s not happening. I did make a pot roast yesterday. Cooking has always been a big part of my life so I guess that was a step in the right direction. I tend to get quiet when I’m feeling like this and I pushed to reach out yesterday. I’m glad I did. My friends here all commented and made me feel some better. I thank you all for that. Gary, my son got me the most wonderful gift for Christmas that from your posts I know you would enjoy too. It’s a bird feeder with a camera attached. This gift has brought so many smiles and pure enjoyment. It’s helping me through these long winter dark days. I’m sure many of you have heard of this solar camera bird feeder before, but it’s new to me and I’m loving it. We all need to persevere, it can be challenging that’s for sure. Need to reach out when I get feeling like this. Be good to yourelf Gary , you deserve it Robin

 

Lou, those dreams seem odd, possibly brought on by the rain. I’m thankful I’m not getting snow either. Really don’t want any of that. But a lot of people are getting a lot of snow. I feel for them. Summer can’t get here fast enough for me. You too and others I’m sure. I want to get outside be on the beach watch the rolling surf, breath in that wonderful fresh air. I haven’t felt this crappy in quite a while. I do believe it’s weather related. I’m trying though and my daughter is aware and she gets me out of the house. Summer, well I do love me some warm sunny days. I’m all about nature that’s for sure. Maybe we give it a go and see how it fits. Thank you for reaching out Lou. I needed this today. I’ll get past this feeling and missing Ron more then ever and just wanting my happy life back. I want my routine, want to go to work, sit across from Ron making upholstery for therapeutic exercise tables and chairs, send corny texts back and forth even though we’re next to each other. 10:00 coffee etc etc. that’s not happening and frankly wouldn’t be happening because we planned to retire on my birthday in 2019. Ok, going to try to get myself moving. Should I sign this, Summer. Lol!

 

Summer, it makes me smile to call you
that. I choked up when I read about you
and Ron. You & I are on the same page of
grief. Bc of the damn, bleak, gray,rainy
days, I've had more crying jags in the
morning when I wake up. So sorry you
don't feel well. This seemingly endless
raw & rainy stretch does a job on your
RT. For me, it just dampens my spirits, to
use a pun.You, Gary, and Rose made my
day, in the sense that "misery loves
company" ! Lobster Lou

 

I'm so glad to have you all here. I'm watching this endless rain too, which sometimes turn to snow, then to rain again. This is after having 3 full days of high winds at almost 100 km per hour, with torrential rain. It was literally raining buckets, our roads are all still full of debris, such a mess! Landslides all over the place. My firewood got soaked, the covers all flown away (those strong gales managed to blow away all those heavy bricks and stones that were holding the covers down!). Took me ages to put everything back in order. I'm sure all this is affecting my mood. I miss my nature therapy, daily afternoon rambles, in the warm sun. Our land has become swamp land now, quite interesting to see this metamorphosis, but I don't really feel like getting my wellies on and walking around,too cold.
Robin, I haven't cooked a pot roast since that day my life changed (still can't say those words), like so many other 'goodies' we used to cook together, but I did buy a joint at the supermarket the other day for the first time, and I put in the freezer. I will cook it sooner or later. I was moved too, like Lou, about how you and your Ron would work together, sending each other messages.
To pass the time during these cold, dreary winter afternoons and evenings, I've started a new creative hobby. I bought on Amazon, a dolls house DIY home kit, so sticking all those little pieces together is keeping me occupied, especially my mind. Strange for me, I've never been the creative type, but I'm finding it beneficial and healing, mentally.
La Rose.

 

La Rose, I must confess that when you
said you bought a "joint", I thought you
were referring to a mind altering
substance , popular in the late 60s when I
was in college. It is now legal in many
states here, and overused, though of
comfort to people in severe pain from
cancer & other illnesses. That's how
much I know about cooking. I admire
Robin for doing that. I go out for breakfast
& lunch but put frozen gluten free
Mexican dinners in the oven at night.
I can't be bothered. A Man Alone

 

Antler art. I don’t smoke

 

Haha! Calling me Summer does make me laugh. In a good fun way. I do miss our every day life we loved so much. We fed a stray cat at our shop every day. I asked our neighbor to please feed the cat after I closed everything for the last time. Talk about crying, that was a rough day. My brother asked me if I felt better now that was done. I couldn’t even speak. NO, I didn’t feel better. Closing a business that we started in 1977 together, if it’s not to retire it doesn’t feel ok. He hoped that it was now behind me I’d feel better having it done. It took forever to feel ok, I got through that. This weather is affecting all of us I think. This weather does affect my RA. Once the weather changes from warm summer to cold winter I can handle the cold in my joints but these damp never ending days sure do cause discomfort. Physically and emotionally. Misery does love company. But we’re in good company. “Summer”

 

Rose I struggle with those words too. The day Ron passed I had made us chicken rice soup. I woke up feeling like I was catching a cold and decided to make us soup. Ron loved it and ate whole heartedly. I can picture him enjoying it and wanting more. So I’m sorry Rose like Lou my thoughts of a joint aren’t anything to do with cooking. Please fill me in, I’m feeling a little naive here cause I can’t figure it out.
I love the fact you’re building a doll house. It’s a great distraction. I have one I started. It’s in my basement. I haven’t touched it since I lost Ron. I used to work on building it while he worked on his hobby of HO trains. He was making a huge layout. I just can’t.
Ron used to say to me after sending me rows and rows of loving emojis, he’d say are we crazy? People would think we’re crazy. I’d always answer, no we’re not crazy. We just love each other that much that we send texts on top of talking. He didn’t want me to tell anyone. So, it’s our secret. Robin

 

Thank you for sharing. Beautiful! Love your canes.

 

Robin, I was being cute. Gary & Rose
picked up on it. When I was in college,
passing around a joint, meant pot,
marijuana, now more commonly known
as weed. I tried it, coughed, didn't like it,
and went back to drinking beer to get a
buzz. Now, some scientists say weed, or
grass, is even more harmful to lungs than
cigarettes. But, it may still serve a
purpose, as medical marijuana, prescribed
by a doctor, to alleviate pain. Lou

 

I picked up on it too Lou. Robin

 

Oops! It didn't occur to me that my "British English" choice of vocabulary to describe a particular cut of meat would be a 'double meaning'. I realise when I read your post and you made me laugh, especially thinking about putting it in the freezer!

 

Rose, happened to wake up in the middle of the night, & thought I'd check in with
GIC. Bc of our time difference, there was a
delay in your response to the "joint" issue.
As Gary would say, you gave me a LMSO
( Laugh my sad off), which is a more
polite way of saying my original, LMSA,
( Laugh my ass off).Baby Boomer Lou