Lost without my other half

Discussion in 'LGBTQ Loss' started by Lostmyway22, Feb 21, 2020.

  1. Lostmyway22

    Lostmyway22 New Member

    My wife passed in Aug 2019 we had been together for 30yrs and now I'm left alone , you really dont consider these things when your young , your just busy with life running around doing every thing day to day . I guess you take things for granted that they always going to be there and one day they are now. Now I'm left alone and to figure out how to live the rest of my life. I dont really have any friends close by and thats the hardest thing for me I think I dont have anyone to just get lunch with or go get coffee with. There is just that emptyness all the time. Its been 6 months since she passed away and some days are harder than others, I just keep trying to push myself to do things but its really hard sometimes. I'm 65 now and was always really active but just dont feel like doing things. Just mope around alot of the time.
    Ms. Sunshine, JoNas and Manderley like this.
  2. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    Lostmyway22, I am so very sorry for your loss. If only we all could live for as long as we wished, who knows what life would be like.

    When the one we hold so dearly in our heart is no longer with us, everything just seems so wrong. There are no words that can tell others perfectly how we feel inside. The best thing we can do after loss is reach out to others. Express ourselves how we are, and why we think we feel that way.

    Each day after loss is so different. We can be ok, and then something happens or we come across an item of our loved one, and we spiral into such sorrow it is almost impossible to recover at times. It has been said that others can't understand how you or I feel, and they can't know our loss unless they too have walked the same sad path.

    I am here to say that by opening up to others about how you feel, we all get to see your words, and they have impact. We can understand that your loss is significant and very important to you. Grief is awful, it knows no boundaries, has no defined goals, there is no perfect plan to overcome it, and surely our pain, your pain is apparent to us all.

    It is going on 5 years now since the loss of my wife, Nadine. I can see by your words how bad life now seems for you. I know I also have those times as well. I have found, at least for me, that by talking about my wife, I feel somewhat better. I realize that my grief is unforgiving and that time is the only true conqueror of sorrow.

    Please take the time to open up if you feel like it and also never give in to surrender. You are important, you have more life to live, and the world is a better place for you being in it. Take care.


    I hope you enjoy this song:

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  3. MayT

    MayT Active Member

    My situation is quiet similar. I lost my partner of 38 years barely 2 months ago and suddenly being alone to face the future is such a scary prospect. I never expected her to die so soon, only 60 years old. It is hard to put on a happy face at work when all I want to do is sit alone in a dark room and mourn.
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  4. glego

    glego Well-Known Member

    I understand how difficult this is, even with friends it can be lonely because we've lost our best friend. To Lost, you don't mention work, if you're working is there anyone you can invite to lunch? If not working, do you live in an area where there are any volunteer opportunities? Maybe an animal shelter? Museum docent? Something to get out and talk to people. Mav, I want to do that too, some days I do. You're at only two months, I'm only at three almost, it's early. Give yourself credit for just functioning and making it to work.
    Ms. Sunshine, Bogman and MayT like this.
  5. BuffaloAnge

    BuffaloAnge Member

    I lost my partner of 53 years almost 6 months ago and cry each day when something in the apartment brings him back. I miss him so much. I am alone now with no friends and no relatives close by. Lately I have become sick myself with deteriorating kidneys and bladder infections. It's very difficult dealing with all this now and don't think I will ever recover. We did everything together and had no friends left because many moved to other states and others passed away. I live alone now in our large apartment that he enjoyed for only 2 years. We had so many plans on what we would do not that we were both retired. Now I can only cry when I think of those plans. Only someone who is going through this will understand. Most friends I speak with will say it will get better and to think of the happy times we had together. But many times when I do, I get sad because those times will never be again. I'd like to hear from people who are going through the same thing and how they cope. Thank you.
    Ms. Sunshine likes this.
  6. glego

    glego Well-Known Member

    So sorry for your loss, I'm also sorry you're facing a health crisis too, you'll be in my thoughts. I know what you mean about those plans and retirement. My husband worked so hard to get us to a place where we'd be able to have a good life, I did too, therefore we did sacrifice time. He had been in process of closing the business, he was packing stuff up that weekend that he ended up going into the hospital. Like many times before, we expected him to bounce back, we were looking forward to his being able to garden, take road trips together, and just be together. I think of his nieces wedding this summer that he'll miss, and other events. Our house is one that he picked, because of the yard. He did plant a few gardens, work got in the way some years, then when he became ill being the weekend warrior was too much. Being retired I thought he can do it at his pace.

    My friends say the same thing, don't find fault, hard to find the right thing to say when there isn't one. They don't understand the pain, only when you walk in those shoes do you learn that no words change it. You're right, things won't be the same. However, somehow we need to look within ourselves to get to know ourselves once again, and be open to new people and experiences this will take time. People and you are resilient and stronger than you think, we have to be.

    How to cope, try to keep busy your work, a good book, conversations on the phone about other things. I've scheduled my grieving to morning and evenings if necessary. I do slip sometimes during the day, and I allow myself this. Keep writing on here, it helps just to write, and people here do get it.
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  7. MayT

    MayT Active Member

    It is two and a half months since she passed. Some days it feels like it just happened yesterday. Other days, it feels like ages ago. The only constant there is I miss her. I regret losing the chance to go forward in life without her. Her children are here and I look on them as my own. We mourn her loss together and being able to talk about her, recall our happy times makes coping easier. I am fortunate to have them. But there is that huge hole in my heart that no one else can fill.

    I buried myself in work to cope. But with this month-long imposed quarantine, there is so much in this house that triggers memories and makes me cry all over again. This week I pulled out my long unused guitar and started playing again. It has been decades and I suck at it but I find concentrating on something distracts me from just moping around.

    Also, as glego wrote, it helps to write here knowing people get it.
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  8. glego

    glego Well-Known Member

    It also helps to read the stories, knowing you're not alone in your feelings and what seems not normal, to know you're not going crazy. Of course, I'd rather not see anyone going through this, and my heart breaks when I see "new member." I'm glad to have found this site, and I'm glad that others in need did too, I just wish we didn't need to.
    Ms. Sunshine likes this.
  9. Manderley

    Manderley New Member

    Hi Lostmyway22, you very nearly wrote my bio. My wife Lori passed on July 28, 2019 after battling lung cancer (discovered at stage 4) for three months. It all happened so quickly it's like a nightmare of hospitalizations and doctor's visits all jumbled together . We were together for 33 yrs. I'm alone now, too. My parents are in their 80s, live 4 hours away, and don't recognize my loss as significant. My sister does but lives in Kentucky (I'm in PA) and her large family's issues encompass her life. I am an introvert and for me, Lori was everything - family, best friend, security. I have (or maybe had is a better term) one other close friend of 30 yrs who seems to have abandoned me. I'm still working and was just managing to cope - looked up an old friend, made a new one - when COVID struck. The virus hit southeast PA bad and I've been isolated for 3 months and feel like I'm going crazy. My progress took a nose dive and I can't seem to lift myself out of this deep depression. I talk to a friend and also a cousin of Lori's on the phone several times/wk but can't keep myself busy while we're still quarantined. I am wondering how others in isolation are dealing with this.
  10. edj9

    edj9 Well-Known Member

    Hi Lost, I mope a lot, too. My husband died Dec 2019. My passion for living has similarly fizzled. The house is a mess and it’s all I can do to have even one clean set of cook ware, and dinner ware, so that I can feed myself. I keep trying to psych myself up to clean and tidy, and I get to it earnestly for maybe a day or two, and then I loose steam, and things just pile up again. I can’t imagine how I managed to keep the place in order while I was also dealing with my husband’s health issues. It’s not that I don’t have the time. I just don’t care. And that’s alright. I’m entitled to fall to pieces. Half of my heart was just cut away.
  11. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry for you loss. I pray that you have strength to get you to a better place. Losing a part of yourself is hard. I hope this site or something has helped ease the pain a little. It's been 4 months since I lost my fiancee I have good and bad days. Lately I've been very emotional. Things have been goin on that I no he'd help me figure out if he was here. We have 2 small kids and it's hard going from having help to not but their my motivation
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