Lost partner of 10 years then found out after he passed about infidelities

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by Empty hearted, Aug 7, 2022.

  1. Empty hearted

    Empty hearted New Member

    My partner and father of my daughter passed away july 10th from injuries of a car accident. He was hit by a drunk driver on the first of July. Almost a month after the accident I looked in his cell phone and found a message to another woman. I don’t want to try to focus on the infidelity I want to focus on the grieving of my relationship I had with him. How can I focus on the good memories and not the betrayal? I’m heart broken left with so many unanswered questions and my mind won’t stop racing can anyone help?
    Chris M 2000 likes this.
  2. junestar

    junestar Guest

    I don't know what else to say about the infidelity piece but: I'm so sorry; what a total mind-f*ck.

    I lost my partner a year ago in June, also to a drunk driver. I know how hard I've found it to a) grieve the loss of him, b) grieve the loss of our future, and c) deal with all of the horror of the way he died. To do all that *and* process what you've found...it's so, so much. I don't know how to keep your mind from racing, but at the very least, if you can, give yourself the grace to grieve however it happens.
  3. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    I am sorry for your loss and for all the pain you are bearing. I know someone whose daughter experienced a similar situation. It is a very difficult thing to reconcile your mind to.
    I hear you say you want to focus on the good memories. That is a very good start. Do you have pictures of some of the things you two did together? Maybe you could write down some short stories of times you had with him that were especially meaningful to you. Play some music you both enjoyed together. When your mind starts to wander just immediately tell yourself, " I can't think about that" and the redirect your mind to something else. I had a counselor tell me there is a tape recording in your head and you have to record something over it in order to stop those thoughts.