Lost of my one and only son

There are times when he avoids me on purpose like today as soon as I woke up, he got ready and left. It makes me feel even worst cuz I think that he sometimes gets mad and blame me without saying he blames me for what happened. Im probably just being overly sensitve but cant help to think that way cuz I also get mad at myself when the accident plays in my head I know I could have changed the outcome if only.

 

Im also envious of him for having his parents around. I wish one of mine was still around for comfort. My life sucks.

 

I don't really talk to my husband about how I feel. It triggers him so I cry and grieve alone. I'm not really bothered by it much anymore. I have enough on my mind and heart let alone trying to figure my spouse out. Now at times we are closer than others just depends on the day or week.

 

Hugs dear. May I ask what side of FL you are on? I know it's a long shot but sometimes we do visit Florida.

 

Im in Tampa.

 

Im not bothered by it anymore either like you said my heart is heavy enough as it is. Im just waiting for that time to come when he tells me he wants to leave. We were on a break prior to this.

 

Normally we go to Fort Pierce to see friends

 

its about 2 hours

 

How can I continue to live like this where evrything reminds of me him. Im just sitting here with my son's dog and I just cant take the pain. Him and his dog cuddled all the time and he loved this dog so much they were each others best friend.

 

Awe how is the dog doing hun? I thought of my son every second of every day until over a year. Now I do have short breaks from thinking of him. I can go a hour sometimes a little more or a little less.

 

I thought he would doing worst but surprisingly ok. I sometimes see him wait by the door even thou everyone is home and I cant help but cry. I dont think this will ever get better. I dont know if Ive ever properly grieved after the loss of other family members since I was the one who always tried to keep it together for the rest of my family. I think now everything is catching up with me.

 

Always keep in mind that this will not go on forever. Even though it is temporary I know it is so very hard to go through.
May God give you the strength to get through this. A better time will come when you will not be in constant pain.
Have you been able to get out to take a walk today? Just getting out in fresh air and nature can be a little help.

 

its been raining hard here but I do try to get out when I can. Lasr few days hasnt been good for me.

 

I am truly sorry. I wish there was something I could do to ease your pain a little.

 

I miss him so much. Im about to go crazy. Why do things like this always happen to my family and I?! Why cant we just live a happy, normal, and peaceful life?! Its not fair.....

 

Everything Ive ever worked hard for is for my kids. All I ever wanted in life was to provide for them, narture them, love them and be there for them for as long as I live. Is that too much to ask?

 

As if losing my dad, mom, and nephew wasnt enough. Why my son too? Sorry just venting and lettting out my anger and frustration.

 

I have lost my mom, dad, best friend, and son.
Life is a beautiful and fragile thing. We are never promised another day. That is why it is so important to make the most of every moment we have with our loved ones-which I know you did. "Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes."
"God heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who was tempted in every way that we are, yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."

 

Thank you!!! Im still in an angry and confused state because people around me get to live a normal life with all their love ones.

 

I know. It will be awhile before you can do that, but don't despair.
Things will get better.