Lost of my one and only son

I never would have imagined that mistake would be so tragic. Im just having a really hard time to process my grief and my longing for him just keeps getting intense.

 

I just never imagined that one mistake would result into tragedy and my world collapsing. It feel like it just keeps getting harder and harder deep inside cuz I miss him so much. I really do feel like giving up sometimes I just dont know how.

 

Life can change in one minute's time, and having the rug pulled out from under us is not what we ever expected. It is such a shock that our mind, heart, soul and body feel torn apart. You have been through a terrible tragedy and it is going to take some time to accept what has happened.
Try to do little things to keep your mind occupied if you can. Did you have any interests before you lost your dear son? -I know, you probably don't have any interest in anything right now.
Try to get outside tomorrow and take at least a short walk to get some fresh air.
Have you thought about getting a puppy or kitten? I have read that the love of an animal is good to help depression.
I am afraid tha right now, not much is going to help to lift the shock and pain very much. It has been so recent. If you can just keep taking one day at a time until this heaviness lifts a little, better days will come.
I love you.
Chris

 

I have been going to stores just so I can walk around. its still hard because everything and everywhere reminds me of him but its a bit better than just sitting at home. I did have a lot of interest but as you mentioned anything I do is hard to focus on. Since the accident I havent driven because im scared. When I sit on the passenger side, I have anxiety at times. I sometimes feel that Im going to snap one day and go crazy. I trully appreciate you. It has helped me a great deal just having conversations with you and I hope you wont get tired of me.

 

I am proud of you that you have been getting out of the house. That is a big step.
I know what you mean about everything reminds you of him. I used to throw a package of toilet paper up on the landing for my son when I came home for the grocery. Even a package of toilet paper holds memories! I asked a counselor why it felt like a hundred people had died. He said it was because Shawn played that many different roles in my life. I heard you say the same thing-that your son was everything to you.
I can sure understand why riding in a car would provoke anxiety. I know what you mean about snapping. Sometimes I would have this strange feeling come over me like everything was going to come crashing down-I guess it was me about to crash down.
I will never get tired of you. I am here whenever you need to get your feelings out. You give me a purpose and I enjoy your friendship.
Maybe some day far away we will be able to meet.
I hope you have a good night's sleep.
Chris

 

Meeting you would be wonderful. You as well.

 

today, I had fun with my friends and family but was thinking of him without shedding a tear. Why do I feel so guilty everytime I have some kind of fun and normalcy in my day? Why do I feel like im betraying him for having fun? I know tomorrow is going to be rough because of the guilt that I shouldnt be having fun at all. Is that normal?

 

Just because you had fun and didn't cry for him doesn't mean a thing. You love your son very much. He knows that and you know that. It in now way means that you don't care about him. The pain will return so enjoy it while you can.
It is very needful for you to have some times when you are not crying and feeling guilty. No one can live with that constant crying and guilt-it will destroy you. Jesus said that He came that we might have life and have it more abundantly. He wants healing and relief to take place in you so that you can contribute to others. A constant state of grief prevents us from getting outside ourselves to see the needs of others.
There is nothing to feel guilty about. You can thank God that he has given you some relief for a brief period of time before it hits again.
I love you.
Chris

 

You always know the right things to say. I have been feeling numb the last couple of days. Have a great day!

 

You too friend!!

 

Going to stores was very hard for a long time. Small things he liked I would bust out in tears. I am not sure why I did not see your post I am very sorry. I was wondering about you this morning so I snuck over to your profile lol.

 

I am so happy you did have fun. Yes it is normal to feel guilty. Somethings that helped me was asking what my sweet baby would want mommy to do. Oh gosh, I am sorry I am about to cry. I will try to come back and read more later.

 

Bless uy

Bless you my dear girl.

 

Today, is a very bad day for me. Woke up missing him so much and been histerically crying. Whats worst is I cant even lean on my partner for emotional support I understand his grieving too but even just a little so he just left me alone in tears. I want my son back he would never leave me at my lowest point. I wish today would just end.

 

Forgive me if I repeat something, but my husband was the same way. For 2 years he just passed me in the hall like he didn't even see me. I begged him for a hug a number of times, but he was lost in his own world. I said to myself, well I will just have to learn to live my life this way from now on. He couldn't stand to see me cry so I would have to go hide in the closet to cry. Men can't cope with our crying because they don't know what to do to take care of it.
Things got better with us after a time, so we are still together. There is a very high percentage of breakup of relationships after the death of a child.
I am very sorry your day is so difficult. Praying tomorrow will go better.
If you need to talk later, go right ahead. I am here except for going to church tonight.
Love you,
Chris

 

I stopped trying to understand what and why my husband was feeling or doing or thinking things. It is an emotional rollercoaster for both of you. Try to be as open as you can that has saved me a lot of miscommunication and worse assumptions that are not always true.

 

I do have that in the back of my head that our relationship might not survive this tragic loss which Im preparing myself for. After the loss of my amazing son, that will not faze me. Im giving him his space anytime he needs it. I dont evem talk to him about how I feel anymore which is sad. I just have to grieve on my own. My heart is so heavy and tight. I just want it to explode.

 

I go to FL some

At first my husband and I would just get in the car and drive around no place to really go but just to get away from the four walls.

 

I have been just letting him do whataver he wants and not questioning anything. He leaves when he wants, we dont talk much even if his home. It has been a roller coaster as you mentioned. I wish my son was hear he always made me feel loved and happy

 

I know what you mean. Sons are good for that