Lost of my one and only son

I am so sorry for your loss. I am grieving with you for the loss of your dearly beloved son.
Life is so difficult, isn't it.
I pray you can get some good sleep tonight.
Chris

 

His birthday is in three days. Im going to keep my promise to him and celebrate how he would have wanted to but this is going to be really hard...

 

A birthday is one of those milestones that are so hard to face, go through, and keep going. I am praying for you because I know it is going to be so hard for you-he was so young, I can't imagine the pain you are going through.
I love you.
Chris

 

As I wrote that reply, it came to my mind a scripture that says, "Nothing can separate us from the love of Christ.
And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separateus from God’s love." I feel compelled to tell you that the same holds true for you and your son-nothing can separate you from his love or you from his love-not death or life, none of these things can separate you two. He will always be with you.

 

One day my son was working on a paint job at someone's house in the evening. I stopped by on my way to church and asked him if he wanted me to stay to keep him company. He said I could if I wanted to, but even when I was not there I was still with him. I remembered that and now I know that he is still with me. Nothing can separate two people who love each other so much. That is why we grieve because our hearts remember, and when we meet again we will remember each other and have joy unspeakable.

 

When I lost my son, I also lost faith in anything. I feel like I continue to be punished with the loss of love ones. All I been doing all my life is to try to be strong. Our family has been through so many tragedies and it just isnt fair.

 

Thank you for expressing your true feelings. It is another step to moving forward. I know, you might be thinking I can never move forward from this, but you already have moved forward some just by getting up every day and doing the routine things that must be done-showering, brushing your hair, etc. I suppose your son's birthday will be one of the hardest days you will have to face for now. Is it today or tomorrow?
I am here to support you even if it is only by listening and understanding.
Love,
Chris

 

Its tomorrow the 24th and Im already a wreck. He should be here celebrating with us. Weve been planning this together and his not even here. I just dont understand why do I have to suffee like this all the time.

 

In my opinion, losing a child your son's age is the worst suffering of all. I guess you will be having family over. Sometimes that helps and sometimes it just makes it harder. It is all the more difficult, having to hold his birthday so soon after losing him.
You said your family seems to be okay. Don't let them turn the conversation to something other than your son if you want to talk about him with them. Most people will avoid the subject for fear of making you feel worse-but it is worse when no one mentions him. You will have to take the initiative if they don't.
Be sure to do whatever you feel in your heart to do-no matter what anyone else thinks.
I am going to send you a poem if I can find it.
Chris

 

Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away to the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other,
That, we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way
which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me. Pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effect.
Without the trace of a shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same that it ever was.
There is absolute unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?

I am but waiting for you.
For an interval.
Somewhere. Very near.
Just around the corner.

All is well.

~ Henry Scott Holland

 

Birthday Wishes To My Son In Heaven

I wrote this poem for my son who died in 2010. I wrote it for his first birthday in heaven, as I could not allow his special day to go unnoticed. I needed to make sure he was not forgotten by others outside our small family, and by writing it, it made me feel closer to him...

© Deborah Robinson

If I could have one wish in life,
That wish would have to be
That God would take away my pain
And send you back to me.

Your birthday's here today, my son,
And I just wanted you to know
How much I deeply love you
And that I miss you so.

On days like this we should celebrate,
But for me that now proves hard,
For unlike other mothers, I cannot send
A simple birthday card.

No kisses can I give you
Or birthday gifts to buy.
Only flowers I now can give you,
Which I place down where you lie.

Two other things I send you
Are my thoughts and all my love,
So hold them close and keep them safe
In Heaven up above.

And please wait for me, my darling
Until my days are through,
And then I'll come and spend all eternity
In Heaven just with you.

 

Beautiful poem. I wish everything was as essy said than done. We kept our original plan which was not a party. We are celebrating how we would have as if he was here. Its extremely painful to be around parents with kids his age. Everything he would have wanted to do and eat is within reach and it pains me even more that his not here to with us. My body is here but my heart is so heavy and all I can think about is him. We would be having fun but instead I tear up everytime and cant even smile or try to have fun... I hate my life

 

So very sorry for your deep pain. I understand. I didn't want to go on and even planned suicide too, but I knew it was unacceptable because my mind was not troubled as Shawn's was. Of course you can't have fun or smile-you have lost the most precious thing in your life. That is a very heavy burden to bear. Your mind will be constantly on him every minute 24 hours a day for a while. I am here for you. Let me know how you get through tomorrow. I care about you.
Chris

 

Barely getting through the day. Been crying for the most part Im angry at myself. Jealous of the people who get to spend time with their precious children. I dont know why we are even hear.. Its torture but this is what he wouldve have wanted.

 

I am sure it is nothing but torture. It shows how great your love is for him. I know his time on earth with you was blessed because you loved him so much. He must have spent many happy hours with you. Hang on. Keep hope in your heart that this will not last forever and you will not be going through this pain every waking hour. Hugs to you. Chris

 

Id do anything to be with him again. I really wana give up on everything... I just wana be with him again

 

That is truly the cry of a mother's broken heart. I am so sorry.

 

Thinking of you. Holding the birthday celebration probably was very traumatic. Your mind and heart have been through so much trauma. Try to get outside and take a walk today. It can relieve some stress.
Chris

 

My heart feels so heavy right now. I wish it would just explode so I can be numb. Im tired of feeling this pain. I just wana give up...

 

I was once a happy go lucky, optimistic, and believed in good karma but now Im so miserable, angry, and questioning my existance.. Im tired of being me..