Lost my wife

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by HNH1601, Oct 6, 2021.

  1. HNH1601

    HNH1601 Member

    Lost my wife. She was 44. We have two daughters aged 10 and 16. I'm so lost. It feels like I could have saved her if I acted quicker in getting her to hospital. I miss her so much. We were married for 20 years. She had so much to live for. I feel so sad that she misses out on watching our kids grow up. She lived for us.For ourkids
  2. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    So sorry and she was so young. We can't beat ourselves up for thinking we could of saved our spouse acting quicker. You did what you knew at the time and not to feel guilty. We all think we should of, but probably wouldn't of made a difference.

    I lost my husband of 40 years, Nov 4th. It will be one year this November. The road through grief is one we all wish we could erase. I hope you continue on the forum and read testimonies -- you will feel you are not alone.

    You have your kids who are suffering too losing their Mom. Hug them every day, cry with them. They will be your support to carry on. And hugs to you HNH1601, God speed, Karen
    Patti 61 and HNH1601 like this.
  3. Gary166

    Gary166 Guest

    I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my girlfriend Of nine years Cheryl suddenly and unexpectedly to a cardiac arrest May 7 this year in our home. I too wish I could have done more. But the truth is when I got to Cheryl she was already gone beyond help. Like you this is the worst experience of my life. I was told not to make any major changes in my life Like quit my job move or try to get into another relationship yet. I knew this was going to devastate me so I got a therapist which took about a month to get in. But I started going to grief support meetings immediately. There are grief zoom meetings on another site too. Please read this article: six needs of reconciliation for the mourner. The site is hard to navigate so if you just google six needs of reconciliation for the mourner you will become aware of how grief affects us. It’s not a very long article but I have it on my Home Screen and reread it often. To say that we are depressed is an understatement. I-Got so tired of people asking me how are you doing? The article gives you an idea how grief affects us and what to prepare for. It tells us that we will question ourselves about are we going crazy?And we are not it’s just what grief does. Its a long road back to some sense of normalcy. There are days when I wonder if I can keep going but I do. I’ve been on this site less than a week. The best way to get feedback from the other members is just jump on a common thread where more people are. I haven’t done the chat yet but will at some point. This is the hardest thing we ever going to do. Don’t give HNH1601. Keep trying. When I feel other people suffering it lets me know I’m not different. I’m just like them. We are not alone.
    Patti 61, HNH1601 and PaxVobiscum like this.
  4. PaxVobiscum

    PaxVobiscum Member

    I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my wife of 37 years last December. I can't know exactly how you feel, but I know how I felt and it was awful so I suspect you feel much like I did. It has been almost 10 months now for me.. I can tell you that the first few months were very hard, but I slowly started to heal. My terrible pain eased up, but it took a few months. I know it is hard right now for you. Nothing anyone can say is probably going to instantly make it better, but just try to hang on and get through one day at a time and know that you are not alone. There are so many of us that can relate to what you are feeling like right now. Use this site to post how you are feeling and let others console you. It can help a lot to just express your grief and let others know how you are feeling. Hang in there brother.
    Patti 61 and HNH1601 like this.
  5. Patti 61

    Patti 61 Guest

    I send my heartfelt condolences to you and your two daughters. You
    will find great support from others here that understand. It took me
    two years to think of searching on line for a support group, I feel
    BLESSED to have found this group site GIC, it's really helped me,
    I lifted you and your daughters in prayer after reading your post.
    Blessings, Patti
    HNH1601 likes this.
  6. HNH1601

    HNH1601 Member

    Thank you for taking the time to reply.
    This really helps me with the thoughts going through my mind.
    Both of my daughters have birthdays in this month. It's going to be very emotional. I'm not sure if I should write my wife's name in their birthday cards. It's already making me emotional just thinking about it.
  7. Gary166

    Gary166 Guest

    HNH1601 to say that we are depressed and in shock losing our spouse is an extreme understatement. It seems like I have walked this tight rope of sanity and insanity for the last five months. In all the information I’ve read on grief it’s normal to feel like you’re going crazy. Did you get a chance to read the six needs of reconciliation for the mourner? It is still very helpful to me. Have you ever heard of Erin’s House for grieving children? It’s a scientific approach to grief for children. A friend of mine used to volunteer there and praised their results. Thanks to GIC I have had some good moments but the roller coaster ride continues. Recovering from grief is almost like recovering from an addiction. This is the hardest thing you are ever going to do. My recovery Has to Be continuous. Without grief support meetings and the site grief in common and having a therapist I would be totally lost now. Grasp all the resources of help you can HNH1601. Sending you some positive energy. Gary
    HNH1601 likes this.