Lost my wife of almost 20 years

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Jeff K, Sep 25, 2021.

  1. Jeff K

    Jeff K Member


    Not even sure where to start. I am an introvert, so in person talking with the usual friends/family is tough. I have gotten some support from my mom and my wife's sister on the phone (both are 1000 miles away). So I figured I'd look to the internet, since that's where I met my wife (kinda, it was on AOL in the mid 90s before the internet was really the internet).

    We met online as I said. She moved from OH to CA to be with me a year later. Then we left CA for CO a few years after that and got married after 7 years total. She passed just over a month ago now. And this week I am on vacation for what would have been our 20th anniversary, so that makes it harder.

    She had dealt with demons and mental issues from before I met her, and then some traumatic things (surgeries and deaths in her family) made it worse. So she turned to alcohol and the short version is that and her tobacco use finally caught up with her.

    We have no kids (3 cats). And I have no siblings of my own. She was basically everything to me, so I am having a hard time figuring out how to move forward since she and I always thought of ourselves as 2 vs the world. Now it's just 1.

    Thank you for reading.
  2. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Jeff, I’m so sorry for the loss of your wife, it sounds like you had a wonderful life together. My husband and I used to say that too. The two of against the world.
    Special dates are so hard to get through, and having your anniversary only a month after her passing has to be very difficult. My husband passed almost 3 years ago from a massive heart attack. 5 days before Thanksgiving and a month before. Christmas. All holidays and special dates are still a difficult time. I hope getting away is helping you in some way. I hope you’re getting fresh air, that was, and is, what helps me the most. Your loss is very resent, the fact that you were able to get away is amazing. Please continue to talk to your Mom and sister in law. Talking about your loss, about wonderful memories and having others share is very cathartic. Also continue to read and share on this site. Everyone here understands the pain you’re feeling. Don’t push yourself to do too much, one day one hour or moment at a time. It’s a long bumpy road we’re all trying to get through. Your cats are your family, and I’m sure they’re wondering where your wife is too.
    Take care of yourself, and get fresh air. Your wife is with and will be in your heart forever. She wants you to be ok, I’m sure of that.
    Take care, Robin
    Mary0128 likes this.
  3. Mary0128

    Mary0128 Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry for you loss. Special days are hard. My husband passed 3.5 years ago, and I am still brought to my knees with grief mostly on those special days but sometimes out of the blue.
    Take care of yourself, sometimes we forget to eat, and to mimic Robin, get some fresh air, your wife is all around you. The love is still there.