Lost my wife and I'm having extreme grief,crying most of the day,can't eat sleep or set still. I need help.
Hi Steve. I’m sorry about your loss. My name is Gary and I lost my girlfriend Cheryl 8 months ago suddenly and unexpectedly to a cardiac arrest. The people here know what you are going through. Our world has been smashed into a million pieces and more. I immediately found a local grief support meeting and scheduled counseling. The in person grief meetings were only held the second and fourth Tuesday. It too 5 weeks to start counseling. Luckily I found GIC a little over 3 months ago. I have met around 15 people on this site who share their personal grief experiences with each other. They are very supportive and encouraging. We identify with each other’s sufferings. We love and understand each other. It’s the best thing that has happened for all of us. Have you been to your family doctor? They may be able to help you with medication for sleep and depression. I had to bump my dosage of antidepressants up after losing Cheryl. I was getting 2-3 hours of sleep and my blood pressure spiked with my heart rate. Grief takes a huge toll on our body. For some free information on grief go to centersforloss.com. Look up the article 6 needs of reconciliation for the Mourner. This will jump start you on your grief journey. I’m looking forward to getting to know you better. You have got to eat and get some sleep in order to survive. You are not alone. Stay with us. Gary
So very sorry Steve. I was married for 39 years and knew my husband, Jack, three years before so it's been a lifetime. He passed away last Nov 2021 and in 2019 I lost my son too. So, it's been a double whammy for me. It's devastating and overwhelming to say the least. At the beginning I found myself pacing the floor at night, eating carbs and sugar and drinking too much on an empty stomach. After the months went by I developed dizziness every day and still do, but I'm working on it. I just know Jack would be so sad to see me in this condition so I'm trying to move on as he would of wished for me. The best thing I can offer is don't destroy yourself. When you can get ahold of yourself and get out and walk, inhale fresh air and rest as much as you can even if you don't sleep, lay down and rest. As Gary mentioned grief takes a huge toll on our bodies. Drink protein shakes, organic if possible if you can't get anything down. This site has helped me tremendously this past year knowing I'm not alone. It's so new for you and shocking, but if you feel like it you can share your feelings here on the forum with no judgements. My name is Karen
My heart goes out to you, Steve. I hope you find some relief soon. Your body needs rest from all the emotions. Whatever little bit you can muster. Even just a little bit more water. I know it's hard. Your loss is so big, your emotions so raw. But you are important. Your life matters. Can you reach out to someone to support you? You deserve all the help you can get. To get though this intensely diffcult grieving. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Welcome to GIC I see that we are about the the same age. My wife. died 3 years ago. Her namewas Linda. What was your wife's? . Gary, Indiana, and Karen, In Ca. give good advice..I would add ginger ale. Lou
Lou I hope you’re feeling better. I miss seeing you and George’s posts. I’m in a pretty negative mood myself now and I just deleted a book I had written because of the negative narrative. George I hope you are feeling better too younger brother. All I can say without being too negative is the cold weather and grief SUCK BIG TIME!!! TU as our friend Deb would say. But we must continue the battle. Lets Hunker down. Save our energy. Heal up. Then attack Mr Grief from all sides. Gary
My name is Chad and I lost my wife in October. I have days were Mr. Grief has the upper hand and I can only manage to cry. Breathing is the goal those days. This site has been a big help to me. I also started Grief Counseling and will be starting with Grief group in January. Today has been really hard, been crying and missing her most of the day. Hope you find the help you need. -Chad
The ugly snowstorm,Gary, is sapping all my energy. I have to take many naps, and go to sleep early. Lou
Steve, I'm very sorry for your loss. My husband, Bob, died almost nine months ago. He was first diagnosed with diabetes in 2005, suffered a major heart attack on February 3, 2009, and gradually over the years, was diagnosed with many more medical conditions, including kidney cancer (which by the time it was correctly diagnosed had spread to his lungs), and finally, the last diagnosis he received prior to his death, Parkinson's Disease. He had a specialist for just about every body part. Our lives revolved around medical appointments, ambulances, emergency rooms, hospital stays, and two stays in acute rehab facilities. Backing up a bit, in spite of all of this, he was able to mostly take care of himself, until the very beginning of 2018, when his health began spiraling downward. I became his full time caregiver. In spite of all of this, Bob refused to give up. His favorite expression was, "As long as I'm the right side of the dirt, it's a good day." Although life was over the top stressful and challenging in so many ways, I would do anything to be able to take care of Bob again. He was the one true love of my life. My heart feels like it's been torn in half. My world has been shattered... I "get" how you're feeling. It SUCKS!!! This seems to sum everything up in one short sentence. You've been given some excellent advice already, so I won't repeat what others have said. BTW, I think I can speak for everyone when I say that our feelings won't be hurt if you don't follow or agree with all of it. Take what you want, ditch the rest. This is a totally judgement free place. It's a great place to come to when you need to vent, want some advice, or just need a virtual hug. All of us "get" the total heartbreak you're going through. This has become my safe place... a life preserver to keep me from drowning in sadness... I hope this will become your safe place too. I'm so sorry you had to find us, but so glad you did. I hope you give us the chance to get to "know" you, and you the chance to get to "know" us. Sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace, Deb
Thanks, Deb, for welcoming Steve, so soon after your bittersweet vacation week, in a warmer climate. Lou
Gary, So sorry to hear you've had such a miserable day!!!, TU!!! It SUCKS BIG TIME!!!, TU!!! I just can't seem to stop saying SUCKS lately... It seems to sum it all up... short, to the point. Wait... I know I just set myself up. If Bob were here, he wouldn't let this one slip by him!!!, TU!!! It usually takes almost a "book," as Lou and I call my way too long responses, to say what others' can say in a couple of sentences, or in just a paragraph. I wish I could send you a great BIG box filled with sunshine and warmth. It was a beautiful sunny, warm day in SC. It was in the sixties, perfect weather for a walk. I've been so emotionally and physically drained, that I had to force myself to take a walk today, but I'm so glad I did. When I first stepped outside my front door, I told myself that all I had to do was a short 3 miles, or if this was too much, just a quick walk around the block, and then I could spend the rest of the day being a couch potato. I ended up walking seven miles. It's amazing what some fresh air, sunshine and warmth can do to lift my spirits. There are those days when we need to be couch potatoes... especially when Mother Nature turns off the sunshine and warmth, making it easier for Mr. Grief to invade our brains... These are the times we need to veg out to the max, gain as much of our energy and strength back as we possibly can, so we can attack Mr. Grief full force. There is strength in numbers. We CAN and WILL do this together!!! We will NOT let Mr. Grief win this battle!!!, TU!!! After all, we are TGW!!! The only thing I know for certain, is that everything is always subject to change. (I think this is becoming another one of those things I can't stop myself from repeating.) So... hoping tomorrow is a much better day for you... Sending you lots of hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
Lou, Sleep well... You need all the rest you can get. Hurry up and feel 100% better ASAP!!! As I just said to Gary, I wish I could send you a BIG box filled with sunshine and warmth... As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
Chad, All I can say is that Mr. Grief SUCKS!!! BIG TIME!!!, TU!!! It seems like way too many of us are having miserable days, days when Mr. Grief holds on to us the tightest he possibly can and refuses to let go. I'm glad you started grief counseling and will be starting a grief group in January. I went to a bereavement group led by a medical social worker for a couple of months. He gave us lots of helpful advice. Unfortunately it was a small group and attendance wasn't good, one of the reasons I stopped going. I hope your grief group is the right "fit" for you, but if it isn't, the medical social worker who led the group I attended, told us to go to at least two meetings before making a decision. If after two meetings, you know it's not going to be right for you, shop around for another group, until you find one that you want to stick with. Unfortunately, where I live, there aren't many bereavement groups. So sorry today SUCKED... Hope tomorrow Mr. Grief decides to give you a break, even if it's only for a short while. Sending extra hugs your way, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
Deb thanks for stirring my soul about the walk around the block that turned into seven miles. Your achievement may start a rally amongst TGW. It is so nice to read your uplifting posts again. I was at Costco yesterday and Kroger today and 95% of the shoppers and store workers looked very sad. I think everyone was stocking up because of the cold weather. Sad frustrated and in a hurry. WTF?! We are not the only ones suffering. Thank God the holidays are over. I bought fishing bait at a local outfitter called the Angler. No angry people there because it was just me and the help. One good thing about the cold weather is the lakes freeze enough to walk on top and drill holes and fish. It’s a great winter sport. I have a special place twenty minutes from home where one half of the lake is a nature preserve. There is an abundance of wildlife there also. In fact it is The Gene Statton Porter Historical Site. Her novel A Girl of the Limberlost Cheryl and I read together when we first met. A beautiful massive flower garden there where Cheryl took many photos. Chad we know what you’re going through. I took a large dose of grief myself today. Patti I’ve got thinking about you. Sending you hugs. Gary
Lou, Checking in on you. How are you feeling? Not seeing you on here as much. I hope you’re just taking a break. I got 8” of snow last night. My son in law is in Boston right now and says up to 14” there. How are you managing with this snow? I shoveled some so Teddy has a path to be outside. Feels so cold but not like George is having. Take care Lou Robin
Lou, I've been thinking the same thing as Robin. Just like Robin, I hope you're just taking a break. As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
The first anniversary of my husband’s sudden death is next week - we were also married 56 years - I’m dreading it but somehow hoping it will bring some closure. My family is coming over so we can spend the evening together. We will talk about him and sing his favorite songs - this past year has been the worst year of my life - he was my best friend and soulmate - not sure how to get through life without him - but I am doing it and will continue to do it. My heart goes out to all of you who are grieving - thank you for your posts.
Good morning, Susan I’m glad to hear that your family will be with you on the one year anniversary of your husband’s death. I can understand the dread of anniversaries as any markers in time seem to be challenging for me. I hope the day becomes whatever brings you the most comfort and peace. ~Bernadine
Hi Steve, Just read your post. I am so sorry for your loss. May I ask your dear wife name. Not able to be on line much these last couple months to revisit, read. It took me couple years to search for a support group on line, it was a huge blessing to find GIC, (communicating with others greatly helped me.) I lost my dear husband Jack after 24 years of Parkinson’s, I totally took care of Jack his last nine years. God blessed me to do so. We was married 61 years when God called him to Heaven 5 years last November. Only folks that have lost their wife/husband partner can fully understand. I still have to let friends, family know “they can’t begin to understand” Love is Love, whether it’s a long marriage of many years, or how many years a couple is together. I have no suggestions in getting through each day only to let others know what daily helps me, my husband and I have always been strong in our Faith, I believe Jack was a gift to me from God, through his many years of illness, I know it was only through HIM that gave me the strength to give Jack the best care I could,I fully relied on HIS guidance. speaking for myself ,the pain of grieving has eased up somewhat, I do cry, which is okay, it’s my belief it’s HIS way to ease our grief. I think of Jack everyday, I miss him, however God gives me peace of mind knowing Jack is in Heaven. Hope you are reading postings here from others, there’s Deb,Lou,Gary,Robin, Karen,Bernadine, Chad.(special hi to each one) Sorry this is lengthy post, please know spoken from my heart, lifting you in prayer Steve. Blessings, Patti .
