Lost my sweet husband to cancer in July 2021

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by ChrisOsha, Sep 11, 2021.

  1. ChrisOsha

    ChrisOsha New Member

    Hi all. Not sure is this is the correct way to post here. I've been having a difficult time finding an online grief support group. My beautiful husband died in July 2021. He had cancer and died at home, under hospice care, with me right beside him. We'd been married almost 19 years and together for 26. He was a great guy - an artist, a rock musician (bass player), a sweetheart. I miss him dreadfully. My stepdaughter, who lives in California with her husband and young son, is having a hard time too, and so we can't share our grief with each other right now - she is having crippling panic attacks brought on by her father's death and is under a doctor's care at the moment. I'm doing better than she is. He was only 69. He had liver cancer. I was his sole caregiver - he'd had a liver transplant in 2007 in Los Angeles and he was a total trooper. He lived 14 years after his transplant, and did some wonderful things; he made the most of life. We moved to Georgia in 2010 for a new start, but we've been very alone in our life here. We aren't like most native southerners - we're pretty artistic and liberal, so this experience now after his heath of being completely alone, is very hard. The loneliness is really hard to take. I don't have any friends or family nearby at all. I guess I'm just hoping to share some common experiences with some of the people here who are also grieving. It's all very new to me, and I'm not sure if I'm doing any of this right. I thank goodness for my big fat orange cat - he's been keeping me company like a little sentinel since his "dad" passed. Good luck to us all. XXO [​IMG]
  2. Mary0128

    Mary0128 Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry for your loss. My husband passed of cancer in January 2018. Everyone’s way of grieving is different there is no right or wrong way. Take it easy on yourself, I found taking walks helped. This group is a great place to get support while you are on your grief journey. Take care of yourself, don’t forget to drink plenty of water.
    Peace to you
    Van Gogh and ChrisOsha like this.
  3. MSgtKel5J071

    MSgtKel5J071 Member

    I am very sorry for your loss. I've been married and widowed twice, so believe me, I've had a lot of experience with grief. The loneliness is probably the most difficult thing to deal with, but you did the best thing you could have by coming here. Even if you had a lot of friends and family in your local area, it's tough for someone who hasn't experienced such a loss to relate. No one knows what will help you get through this, but there are lots of people here who can share things that worked for them. At the very least, we understand what it's like to lose someone so special. One thing that may help is getting on the website every day and posting how/what you're feeling. Just getting those thoughts out could be a good thing. In the meantime, my thoughts and prayers are with you.
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  4. ChrisOsha

    ChrisOsha New Member

    Hi Mary - thanks. I'm trying to be kind to myself - that's the advice I always give other people - but it seems hard to do for myself! I really appreciate your message. :)
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  5. ChrisOsha

    ChrisOsha New Member

    Hi - thank you so much. I'm glad I found this website. I really appreciate your message. It's one day at a time right now. You must be very strong - going through this level of loss more than once. I always thought I was pretty strong - losing my parents was hard - I was their caregiver too, but losing my husband is on a different level. Even though we knew it was coming, I find I just wasn't prepared. Anyway - thank you!!! :)
    Van Gogh likes this.
  6. I just lost my husband of 40 years to cancer. He was in hospice house for 10 days before he died. My children were there with me and the love and support we received was amazing. Before that our cancer journey was overwhelming. While it was 2 months long it was something I'd never want anyone to experience. Being at a research hospital had it's challenges. There were so many Drs, specialist and staff taking care of him and no one to coordinate the care plan. It was awful.
    Then we get to hospice and feel love and supported. They are taking care of all of us.
    He's only been gone a few weeks. He gave me unconditional love. While we had our challenges at times we always came back to a deep love for each other. I don't know how not to be a couple.
    Van Gogh likes this.
  7. Starrseeker

    Starrseeker New Member


    I'm Sparrow. Lost my husband John in July 2020. July 23rd. We were together for 28 years. I truly feel everything you state. I just can't describe the first year or even now, going on 16 months. I wish I did have the words.

    John lived for five plus years with esophageal cancer. It wasn't even the cancer that took him in the end. Unknown lung fluid.

    I'm sure he was so grateful you were there. And for me, my dog Elsie and cat, Horus are really my only purpose now. Neither John nor I had family.

    You're not alone.

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  8. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    Sparrow, I lost my husband Nov, 2020 to sarcoma cancer, we're married 39 years and knew each other 3 years before. Since I hit the first year I thought it would be easier, meaning the grief would not hurt as much. To my surprise I was wrong. It hurts, it just changes. I've been on this forum for months now and find it to be my best support.

    I'm so sorry you lost John, that was my husband's name too, but they called him Jack.

    Jack has a cat named, Rambo. Now Rambo is my cat and he is my purpose now as you said of Elsie and Horus. Rambo helps with the void in my house. Rambo is my world now. When Jack was home with hospice just before he passed I put Rambo on Jack's hospital bed to cuddle. Rambo went up and sniffed his cheek and ran away. He knew. It took awhile for Rambo to connect with me and now we're buddies.

    I hope you find support here on GIC site. You may see the abbreviation GW. means Grief Warriors that we use here. My prayers and blessings to you Sparrow, my name is Karen
  9. JMD

    JMD Well-Known Member

    Hello all, I lost my husband to complications of lung cancer in July 2020. Seems like yesterday at the same time as it seems like a million years ago. I miss him and think about him all day every day. He was my person. We had known each other as kids and got together for 18 of the luckiest years of my life. We were so grateful for each other. It gives me comfort to know he is in heaven waiting for me. Until then, I pray, try to be a good person, do good deeds and take care of myself, my dog and my bird. The upcoming holidays are making me bluer than usual. Praying for peace and comfort, strength for all of us.
  10. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    JMD, So sorry for the loss of your husband. I too, as you may have read to Sparrow, I lost Jack Nov 4th 2020, just three months after you lost your husband. For both of us it's been a year and still very hard especially with the holidays coming up. We were married 39 years and 1/2 of me went with him the other 1/2 is here wondering what I will do with the rest of my life. He was my life. I seem to have emotional breakdowns at any given time. Other times I feel strong, but that is just a mask to survive this journey of grief.

    I think exercise, walking, getting outside helps, even though I have to drag myself to do it. I have lots of pine trees and for some reason raking the needles gives me peace, ( if for the moment) sounds funny doesn't it?

    Have you found anything that helps relieve the grief for you if only for a minute? Thanks for reading, God Speed, Karen
  11. Gary166

    Gary166 Guest

    Hi Chris. Nice meeting you. I’m terribly sorry for your loss. My name is Gary. I lost my girlfriend Cheryl of nine years to a cardiac arrest in May of this year. Cheryl had no health issues. there were no warning signs. Cheryl basically suffocated in her sleep. losing a spouse is the most devastating thing that can happen to anyone. For the first month my blood pressure and heart rate spiked. I couldn’t make simple decisions. I could only sleep about 2 to 3 hours a night. It’s a little better since then. But I would never say I’ve gotten any better. I can just say I’ve had a few good moments. I found a local grief support meeting about an hour away. The trouble is they only meet on the second and fourth Tuesday of every month. I was in counseling also but Finding GIC has been a lifesaver. Instead of staying connected every two weeks I can stay connected every day at GIC. One of the best pieces of advice I received was don’t make any sudden changes. Like don’t quit your job or sell your house or spend a bunch of money. Type in “six needs of reconciliation for the mourner.” This is a short article that will jumpstart you on your grief journey. I’m like you also my whole orbit was around Cheryl. I lost contact with family. We didn’t have any children. Cheryl and I did so much together and had so much fun. I wasn’t ignoring anyone but I just wanted to be with Cheryl all the time. and now I am totally alone like you. I’ve made at least eight really good friends at GIC. We listen encourage and support each other like a tight knit family. You’re right this site is hard to navigate and it’s having issues now also. I’m glad you’re here. Hugs to everyone. I found out to get more feedback go to the thread that has the most posts. We are not alone. Gary
  12. JMD

    JMD Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the post, it sounds like we have a lot of the same emotions. I also feel like half of me is gone, like a terrible injury. Michael and I were childhood friends that kept in touch over the years and reconnected when we were in our early 40s. Together 18 years. Feels like the blink of an eye. Sometimes it feels that he was here yesterday, and sometimes a million years ago. He was my life, my everything. I miss him everyday.
    I do find exercise, yard work helps. Getting outside, fresh air, finishing a project. Taking care of myself. What seems to help most is doing kind things for others who need it - I am drawn to it. That’s what seems to lift me the most. It’s hard to imagine true joy again.
    Will think of you and pray for all of us to have peace at these holidays. Trying to find gratitude for the time I had with him. God bless.
  13. Pam P

    Pam P New Member

    Chris…I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. I too am a relatively new member here and still learning how to navigate around the website. My husband of 46 years died from cancer in December 2020…8 days before his 70th birthday. I’ve never known pain and heartache to this degree. I’ve had 11 months of adjusting to my new normal while your journey has just begun. Be patient and kind to yourself…the road is long and treacherous. Take care…