Lost my Soulmate

Deb, as one Grief Warrior to another, I must say that both our soulmates and us,
along with them, went through hell. We
are climbing out of that pit of hell, to
embrace the light of day & to enjoy
living our lives, as Bob & Linda wished
for us. God Bless you and all TGW.....Lou

 

Lou,

LOVE!!! this!!!, TUTTAM!!!

Hope you've enjoyed some LMSO moments already... with lots more on the way...

Sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Lisa,

Bill's death is so very recent... Please take the very best care of yourself you possibly can... Be gentle with yourself... Treat yourself the way you would treat a close friend... Most of all, although it doesn't feel this way to you right now, YOU ARE HEALING!!! You are doing all the hard work grieving forces us to do. There is no way to escape all this pain... Sadly, we must bravely travel through it. There are NO!!! shortcuts to healing. Attempting to escape Mr. Grief by finding ways to avoid him, will only make you feel so much worse later on. (BTDT already, but a story for another time, if I remember to tell it. I HATE!!! this foggy widow brain thing!!!, TUTTAM!!!)

Mr. Grief has a way of finding us, no matter where we are, lots of times taking us by surprise, at moments when we least expect it... There he is, ready to suck every last breath right out of us, to suffocate us, if we let him. But and this is one of those really BIG BUTS!!!, you are now part of our GIC "family," you are a GW!!! TGW get hit by Mr. Grief multiple times every day, BUT!!! somehow, manage to win some of those daily battles, kicking Mr. Grief in the ass (Lou's description, so over the top appropriate), so hard, that hopefully he suffers a concussion when he lands, making it impossible for him to return for awhile. Lou and I "talked" about this in the past. I think it was Lou who first said it reminded him of " Smile, You're on Candid Camera," that old TV show from way back when. I think I added twisted to this, and we now we sometimes refer to Mr. Grief in this way, a very twisted version of this old TV series.

As you continue to do all the hard work grieving forces you to do, although it won't happen quickly, and as Robin has said, the change takes place so S L O W L Y , you won't even notice when it begins to happen. However, one day you WILL!!! wake up, and feel a bit better, the day WILL!!! seem a bit brighter, you WILL!!! suddenly want to become part of this great big, mysterious, scary, but full of new adventures, world again... The timeline for healing is different for everyone, but, and this is the last one of those very BIG!!! BUTS!!! (for now), it WILL happen for you, just as it happened for Robin, for Lou, and very recently, is beginning to happen for me.

You have taken a very big step in the right direction by joining our GIC "family." Although you are going through the very darkest days of your life, we WILL!!! be here for you..., to help you in any way we can, as you continue those miserable, but necessary, multiple battles with Mr. Grief. If you can, Gary's suggestion for checking out The Center For Loss is an excellent one. Also, when Lou first joined, he suggested two very good books to us, the first being, "Permission To Mourn," by Tom Zuba," and the second, "A Widower's Notebook," by Jonathan Santlofer. While both are excellent, my very favorite book is "Permission To Mourn." Both Tom Zuba and Jonathan Santlofer have suffered the total heartbreak, we are now suffering from. "A Widower's Notebook" is Jonathan Santlofer's experiences, his feelings surrounding his wife's death, the life lessons it taught him, and how he ultimately was able to find happiness again. It is over the top sad, and if you read it, Lou suggested not to do so close to bedtime. Tom Zuba's 18 month old daughter died, followed by the death of his wife, then the death of one of his sons. His book is very short, easy to read, and is filled with excellent advice. I usually keep my copy of this book, and his second book, "Becoming Radiant," on my night stand, and refer to them often, but I recently gave them to a neighbor to borrow, who is struggling after the recent death of one of his sisters.

Backing up for a second, I don't remember if Lou or someone else already recommended these books to you. I'm going to blame this on my way too foggy widow brain, and not delete the last paragraph, just in case no one has mentioned this yet.

Stopping here... I need one last cup of coffee to (hopefully!!!) give me the energy I need to do a few of the things on my daily to do list, followed by fresh air and some sunshine (if Mother Nature cooperates),and a long, much needed walk.

As always, sending you hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Deb, I'm having a Saturday lunch in my
favorite cafe , listening to the beautiful
voices of 2 female singers & 2 male
guitarists. My fantasy is that TGW could
be with me. Just read your kind post. I went to this same cafe last night, and had
such a good time and many LMSO
moments, that I'm back again, today.
This cafe, with its' live music, has replaced
the Shack, and has become my new
CHEERS ( from the TV show), where
everybody knows my name. Lou

 

Wow,Deb! For a person who says she has
"foggy widow's brain" you seem to
remember A LOT!!! Thanks once again
for giving me credit for kicking Mr. Grief
in the ass. It made me feel good to say it,
and I hope it gave many GW a LMSO
moment. You have taken that phrase and
made it even funnier. It was my pleasure
to compare Mr. G to the host of Candid
Camera. Most of us are a certain age, to
recall the TV show, as well as The Twilight
Zone TV show. Many of us find ourselves
in Mr. Grief 's creepy " twisted" ( your
word ) amusement park ( Gary's
contribution). The term , Mr. Grief ,
was brilliantly invented by Karen . We are
truly a team of GW. I was happy to share
2 books on GIC, bc my grief therapist
suggested them to me. Thank you for
comforting Lisa over the recent death of
her husband, & soulmate, Bill. Lisa may
need more time to reply to us, but I
hope she will stay with us on GIC. Lou

 

I am so sorry for your loss. You've lost a part of you and as we all know its devastating. Its hard when you feeling bad and the one person you want is gone. You're in the right place. Its sad that we all had to meet this way but its good talking to people that understand where you coming from. I lost my Gant 2yrs ago and it still feels like yesterday. The pandemic kept me from being by his side and I always think about that but he knew I loved him because I showed him and told him on the phone before things turned. Our kids are my motivation. Other than doing things together we did them with his family. It seems weird doing things without him. I don't think none of us was wrong for spending more time with our significant others than outside people. They were apart of us and those memories will keep them alive. Now we are getting to know new parts of ourselves as well as meeting new people and seeing whose there for us as we maneuver this new hand of life we've been dealt. Praying that we all continue to get strong with each passing day.

 

Nicole, as horribly tragic it is that our
soulmates, Gant and Linda, died, and are
no longer by our sides physically, it is
trite, but also true, to say that their
spirits are with us.You & I are both
blessed, that despite the soul crushing
tragedy, we were able to talk with our
soulmates before they died. I try not to
beat up on myself that I didn't say I
loved Linda, when she was collapsing in
front of me. Lou

 

We all beat ourselves up about something with the lossof our soulmates. Its those woulda coulda shoulda blues. Im sure Linda knew you loved her. I can't say that I'd have said it if he was collapsing in front of me. Im sure you were in shock from enduring that so don't beat yourself up from not thinking to say you love her. Think about all the times you did tell and show her how you felt. All we have is memories now and we're going to hold on to them and cherish each one. I hope you have a blessed day.

 

Thank you so much, Nicole, for your
kind words. My grief therapist tried to
steer me away from guilt, also, and she
said Linda knew I showed my love for
her in many ways. Lou

 

Lisa, I haven't welcomed you to this fantastic site. You probably have seen my name around here, CJ Pines real name Karen. You are so new to heartbreak, so sorry. Everything you are feeling we all have felt or are still feeling especially me. I lost my husband, Jack, married 39 years to cancer on Nov 4th 2020. He was ill for about 8 months. He had sarcoma that spread, the doctor's couldn't do anything more to save him. I still ache for him, that will never go away. It's been a comfort for me to read that I'm not alone and you are not alone here on this forum. "Keep Upright", as one of my past friends always said. Karen

 

Karen, you will never be alone as long as
you are with TGW, in our daily struggles
against Mr. Grief trying to knock us
down. We will embrace the light, as
Tom Zuba says, and enjoy the remaining
years of our lives, the way Jack , Linda,
and the other soulmates of TGW wanted
us to. Lou