Lost my Soulmate

I lost my husband Feb 16 of this year he passed away unexpectedly from a heart attack (this is even so hard to type..) we were together 37 years since we were 16. I never knew it was possible to feel so many emotions I think its starting to hit me now realizing that my best friend that I've ever known is not coming back. The worst feeling I have felt so far is wanting him back an ache that doesn't go away.

 

So very sorry about the death of your
husband, suddenly, without warning,
after 37 years of marriage. The same
happened to me. My wife, Linda, died
suddenly , in front of me , of a pulmonary
embolism. She was 68. We were married
25 years, no children. I had PTSD, bc I
couldn't get that last image of her, out of
my mind & had to see a grief counselor,
who helped guide me through my grief.
That was 3 & a half years ago. I joined
Grief in Common ( GIC) in July, 2021,
and I'm so glad I did. I've met close friends
here, who "get it", when nobody else
does. My name is Lou. May I ask your
name and that of your husband? Thank
you, and God Bless. Lou

 

Lbekk, I’m so very sorry for the loss of your wonderful husband. I lost my husband Ron also very unexpectedly to a massive heart attack. No signs no previous conditions. This happened over 3 years ago. We were married 41 years and ran a business together. I was 16 Ron was 19 when we meant and we knew on the night we met May 26, 1974, we were meant for each other. He had hopes and dreams that will never happen now, we were each other’s best friends like you mention. The feeling of being lost, makes sense after losing our soul mates. I know the loneliness you’re feeling, the scared feelings, can’t think clear foggy brain, etc. it’s a nightmare that we’re living and we want out. Your loss is so raw, so recent. I hope you have family and friends offering you support. Take people up on offers for help, even if they just sit with you and have a cup of coffee. This site is full of people who understand what you’re feeling and what you’re going through. A very compassionate group of people and there’s never judgement. Just support. Try to get fresh air as much as possible, live one day, one hour or one moment at a time. Anything more is too much. If you have things to do make lists, to free your mind. Visit this site often, read and share thoughts and stories when you can. You’re not alone, there’s a large community of people here who have gone through or are right where you are in this pain. We get it. Your husband is a part of you and will be with you forever. You each helped make each other the person you are today. I know the aches you speak of and they are unrelenting. This takes time to start to feel any better but it will happen. It’s a very slow process. Such a bumpy road. But I’m here to tell you there are better days ahead. It takes time and happens so very slowly.
Take care of you, you’re husband would want you to. Sending you hugs! Robin

 

Thank you so much I'm sorry for your loss, we were together all the time as well even if it was just running to the grocery store..

 

That must have been so traumatic,my name is Lisa and his name is Bill.

 

Thank you so much for saying your name,
Lisa, and that of your husband, Bill. Thank
you also for your compassion about Linda.
As my good friend , Deb, says on GIC,
welcome to our group but I wish I didn't
have to. I came up with the term, The
Grief Warriors ( TGW) to describe how we
leave no widow , or widower behind. Lou

 

Robin, thank you very much for your
warm welcome to Lisa. I think it's one of
the best posts you've ever written. You
are comforting Lisa, like you did for
Deb, me, & other GW. Lou

 

Hi Lisa I’m terribly sorry for the loss of your husband Bill. My name is Gary and I lost my girlfriend Cheryl suddenly and unexpectedly to a cardiac arrest May 7, 2021. Cheryl had no known health problems and there were no warning signs. We had supper and watched tv the night before and the next morning I was Cheryl’s first responder. Cheryl was my orbit. Cheryl and I were soulmates and we didn’t associate much with other couples. We loved being with each other. Like everyone else here. Like Robin and Lou mentioned we understand the shock of having our world smashed into a million pieces. I found a grief support meeting locally but it only met twice a month. I started counseling but the counselor was more like a friend. I lost contact with three forths of friends and family. I found GIC last October. I found a new therapist 3 months ago that specializes in grief. She works at the grief support facility called the Peggy Murphy Center. I made a collage of Cheryl on my phone. Every time a bad thought would come about Cheryl’s sudden death I would look at the collage of all the wonderful times we had and tell myself the event was only a fraction of our time together. Google Centerforloss.com. and read “6 needs of the mourner”.They have other free helpful information to prepare you for your grief journey. My friends atGIC are lifesavers. We support and encourage each other. One of our mentors Patti said no one will ever grieve alone here. Like Robin said keep asking questions and reading other members posts. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do but I don’t have to do it alone. You are never alone here. Gary

 

Lisa, I understand. Everything feels wrong now. Nothing prepares us for this. It’s the hardest thing to go through. We need our soul mates by our side as we go through traumatic things. And I recall wishing was at my side. But he’s the reason I’m grieving. Our minds are all foggy. You have support from a lot of people now. Visit as often as you can. Even if to just read. ❤️ Robin

 

Gary, as I just said to Robin about her
welcoming post to Lisa, that was one of
the best posts she had ever written. I can
say that about you,too. Your story is like
the peeling of an onion, bc you add more
details & I've learned new things about
your love with Cheryl. Like you & Cheryl,
Linda & I didn't socialize with other
people. After she died zuddenly, like
Cheryl, Ron, Bill, & others, I realized that
we made a mistake. I paid for it dearly,
alone in the world. I've had to crawl
back to sanity, with the help of kind
friends, both on &off GIC. As Zuba says,
we have to keep retelling our story of
grief, to honor our soulmates. I spoke
with a kind female bus driver, on my
local route today. We had known each
other, & since I was the only passenger,
I told her about Linda, & said I miss her
every day. The driver said her mother
died a while ago, but she misses her
every day, too. It was a GIC moment. Lou

 

Thank you Lou! I’m sad I keep writing these posts. Sad there’s more people going through this torture. I don’t want others going through this. But want them to feel they’re not alone. Robin

 

Deb & I said the same thing, I just
thanked Gary for welcoming Lisa,too. Lou

 

Lou, Ron and I didn’t socialize with others either. We didn’t need anyone else. We had what we needed. Each other. I recall my daughter telling her manager at work that this will be so hard on my Mom. My parents were together 24/7. He said that he can’t understand how that could be. Don’t they go to work. She told him yes. They work together. He understood then. Nothing in my life, or very little is what it was before Ron passed. Everyone on here understands.
Someone I’ve known all my life just lost her husband, I think I cried because I know the torture she’s going through. I don’t want others to feel that total and complete pain. And I agree, i can say it was a mistake to only have each other for so long. I still struggle telling of my loss of Ron to people outside of my little. bubble. I had quite a cry on Easter and I had family here. But I needed it. Robin

 

Hi Lisa, I'm sorry for your loss, I understand the way you are feeling without your husband of 37 years. Here you will find the most compassionate, caring, understanding group of people that also lost their loved one. Your pain is our pain.
On The 23th will be three months since I lost my soul mate (my only friend) after fifty year of marriage (no children). We met on 23 of April 1971, married on 23 December 1971 and he died on the 23 of January 2022. Two people from different parts of the world, two different continents. After a long illness I was his caregiver 24/7 for two years, I miss him very much, as I'm writing am crying....but thanks to TGW I have managed to stay in one piece. Grieving is a rollercoaster, so many emotions that sometimes are difficult to control, the warriors have been a lifesaver for me and now they are my friends. I'm here everyday reading their posts, they all understand how we feel because (like Lou says) they "GET IT". Lisa we are grieving together!, please take care of yourself, sending you lost of virtual hugs. Helena

 

Helena, we are The Grief Warriors ( TGW),
who will lift you & Lisa up whenever you
stumble and fall, and I know you're always
here for us. Lou

 

Lisa,

I'm so very sorry Bill, your husband, the one true love of your life, has passed away. I ALWAYS!!! HATE!!! having to say this for two reasons. The first being words sound so shallow at times, now being one of them, but because words are all we have, I hope you truly know how very sorry I am... The second is because just like my GIC friends have said, who have already responded to your over the top heartbreaking post, I "get" it... this total heartbreak SUCKS!!! BIG!!! TIME!!! TUTTAM!!! (total understatement to the absolute max!!!) Sending you the BIGGEST virtual hug...

Very briefly, I was my husband, Bob's, full time caregiver from the beginning of 2018, but he first showed signs of all the horrible things to come, in 2015, when we had to take frequent trips to the ER, where he was incorrectly diagnosed with a minor ailment, when what he was actually suffering from was kidney cancer. By the time it was correctly diagnosed almost a year later, right before Thanksgiving, the kidney cancer had spread to his lungs, and into his vena cava. Two days after Christmas, he had to have one of his kidney's removed, and his vena cava scaped. He was on the operating table for 7.5 hours, and almost died. At the time I thought this was the very worst thing that could have possibly happened. Little did I know what was in store for him, for us down the road... By the time Bob died on April 11, 2021, at 3:45 a.m., he had a specialist for just about every body part.

Backing way up, he was diagnosed with diabetes in 2005, suffered a major heart attack on February 3, 2009, had high blood pressure, high cholesterol, loss of hearing in one ear, suffered from paralysis in one arm, and approximately one year prior to his death, was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease, but he suffered from symptoms many years prior to this diagnosis. I'm positive I'm leaving out a few diagnoses as I usually do, there were just so many of them!!!, TUTTAM!!!

Backing up again, all of Bob's specialists treated his medical conditions as chronic illnesses, medications kept everything under control. Until the beginning of 2018, when Votrient, the oral drug used to treat kidney cancer, stopped working. (Chemotherapy isn't effective in battling kidney cancer.) Up until the beginning of 2018, when we moved out of state (Bob was forced to retire from a job he loved), in spite of all Bob's numerous and serious illnesses, we were able to live a good quality of life. Although Bob's medications had side effects, they were manageable, and we were able to spend time with friends, go out for dinner, travel with friends, just enjoy life the very best we possibly could. When we made the decision to move, we had no idea that our move was going to signal the beginning of the end...

So much more I want to say to you, but I'm way too emotionally, and physically drained, to "talk" anymore right now. I'm so very glad..., so very grateful..., you have "met" some of my friends already, members of TGW (The Grief Warriors, the name Lou, who you've met, came up with to describe us. It is such a perfect name for our group, it stuck, and from that day forward, we became known as TGW...). My GW friends have already said everything I can think of plus more...

I'm so very glad they got here before I did, and have already welcomed you to our GIC "family." I can't say enough good things about this site. I know I would be nowhere as far along in this miserable journey (for lack of a better way to describe it), if I didn't have my GIC "family" to provide lots of virtual hugs, to comfort me, sometimes give me advice, always being here for me... no matter what. Backing up just a bit, although we offer each other advice, as we say, take it or leave it. We won't be the least bit offended. Do what feels right, what works best for you. We'll be here for you no matter what. You have found a safe place to land.

Just as this has become my safe place, I hope it becomes yours too. I hope you will stick around, get to "know" us, give us the chance to get to "know" you. I'm so sorry you had to find us, but so glad you did. You are no longer alone...

Sending you lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Deb, thank you AGAIN (!) , my kind friend,for giving me credit for inventing
TGW. Jonathan emailed me that if his book
gave me any comfort , he was glad he
wrote it. What a warm, wonderful thing
to say. He's my role model. As I told Gary,
Jonathan is like the older brother I never
had. That's also why I feel close to my
brothers on GIC: Gary, George, and Chad,
& anyone who joins us in the future. Lou

 

Thank you for sharing, you have gone thru so much.