Lost my son to darknet drugs

Discussion in 'Loss of Adult Child' started by Lisab, Apr 30, 2017.

  1. Lisab

    Lisab Member

    I found my 23 year old son dead in his room 7 months ago. That image in my head just will not go away. We tried so hard to keep him safe. Prayers for all who are suffering grief that doesn't go away and for all who are in pain after a loss.
  2. Monica M

    Monica M New Member

    This is my first attempt at coping by sharing on a loss site with the recent death of my 31 year old son due to an overdose. I live in the insane State of Georgia, USA. I know nothing beyond when, 13 June, 2017, at an unknown time, and where he was found dead, the home of his child's mother (the child I have had guardianship of for over three years), and that he was injecting some unknown type of drug that the local police think may be the cause called "Gray Death". But we won't know anything for the three to six months it takes to get the toxicology screening back. Georgia will not even issue a "Pending" death certificate. He had very little anyway but there are three vehicles and Social Security for his son and a Probate that cannot be even started until the Death Certificate is issued. I had no idea my son was injecting drugs...never even thought he would go that far for pain relief. His alcoholism was always his major cause of his life problems. I just realized that I am rambling on to a person I have never met, I am exhausted, my soul has been sucked from my body and my heart has been crushed and I guess I just needed to share it at this moment.

    I am so sorry for your loss of your son. I can't even say I know how you feel because I have talked to others who lost their adult children and we are all different! I do know the pain you feel. I pray that you have found that miraculous thing we are searching for, how to keep going.... I can't imagine the image you have but I have my own as I insisted on seeing my son prior to his cremation. And finding the amount of pain you are still in eight and a half months down the road and that I am only at three weeks and two days since a part of me died.

    I pray that you have found some peace since you left this message.

    With love and prayers,
  3. Lisab

    Lisab Member

    Thank you, Monica. I'm so very sorry about your son and all the pain you are going through. I have lived in Georgia and it is ridiculous that they will not issue a temp death certificate. It took many months for us to find out that it wasn't fentanyl that killed Burke, but xanax. You know, it has taken a while, but I have become aware that there is a whole segment of our society that just doesn't care that our children are dead. They think that because our kids died from overdose that their deaths don't matter or that they deserved it in some way. In the beginning I think I was just too consumed with grief to be able to pick up on it, but now several things have happened to help me connect the dots. This situation makes it even harder to grieve. Our government just doesn't care. If they did, you would think that they would make utube take down all the "how to buy drugs on the darknet" videos. Although a bill passed recently trying to deal with the drugs coming in through the mail, you would think that they would have done something about that before now.
    Burke was a brilliant engineering student with a very precocious side. Like you, I wouldn't characterize my son as an addict: he just took crazy chances. He ordered xanax on the darknet from Canada. He was living at home with us, so he had it sent to the ups store near our home. The tox screen said that it was 10x as strong as the xanax you get from a regular pharmacy. He passed out and died from asphyxiation. When I found him the package from Canada was on the floor by his body. Please go to the website 144aday.org and share a story about your son. Sometimes we may feel alone but we are not alone. Everyday approx 144 moms and dads get this horrible news. I have found some peace, but nothing makes that sense of missing Burke stop. Peace comes with complete faith that your child and others live on despite their manner of death.
    I will also pray for your peace and the health and wellbeing of your grandchild.
    Tmo likes this.
  4. Rblado

    Rblado New Member


    My 20 year old son died 9/15/16 from fake Xanax bought on the darknet. It turned out to be fentanyl. I'm sorry. Feel free to reach out to me.