Lost my partner, losing my way

Discussion in 'LGBTQ Loss' started by Finnegan, Jul 1, 2018.

  1. Finnegan

    Finnegan New Member

    I'm a 68 year old woman who had the love of her life taken away in August 2016. We had been together 17 years and could finish each other's sentences but tried hard not to in public. We were extremely co-dependent and did not care who knew it. She was my rock, my sense of humor and my reason for getting up each day. I am in the second year of grieving and have just realized how deep into the grief I am....I am overwhelmed by life, unfocused on the inside, sad beyond belief, angry to the point of rage and my best friends thankfully keep checking on me. I expected this to get better but it does not seem to be happening and there are a lack of resources where I live in Virginia. I have never felt so alone in my life and need to be able to voice my feelings freely but there are only church support groups and I do not know if I would be welcomed. That is where I sit today, at least acknowledging where I am is a step on this journey.
  2. Sciguy

    Sciguy Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear of the loss of your partner. Why do you think you would not be welcome at a church group? I'm guessing it is because your partner was a woman? If so, there may be non-denominational churches that welcome everyone. Another thing you could try is volunteering somewhere. Helping others often gives us purpose and takes our minds off our troubles.
    griefic likes this.
  3. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Finnegan, I am so very sorry for your loss. You're not alone in feeling that grief can get worse with time. I'd like to say it gets worse before it gets better, but that timeline is so different for everyone. I find the first year is a lot of numbness and shock, feeling that you are doing nothing more than getting through every "first" (first Thanksgiving, birthday, anniversary, etc). The anniversary of the loss comes along, which is in itself a very large milestone, and I find most grievers hope it will be easier from there. But then they find it's the second Thanksgiving without their loved one, their second birthday...whatever it is, and the pain is still there. In fact since it's been even longer since you've seen your loved one they can just feel that much further away. I say this not to deepen the hurt but to validate this very real and very common experience in grief.
    Depending on where you can live it CAN be very hard to find an LGBT group and that is just one of the reasons this website was started. Getting support is so important and you need to feel that you are with people who understand and accept this loss. You can do a search of others who have lost a partner on our site: go to "Make a Connection" and then "Find Others Who are Grieving". You can even narrow it down to people in Virginia, but I find the broader your search the more people you will find to connect with.
    I'm glad you've found us, and it is wonderful you are reaching out for help. I truly hope you can find it here. Please keep in touch, and please do take care~