Lost my mum to cancer

I lost my mum to cancer.

its still hard for me to actualise that shes not here anymore and i still cant verbalise that this happened

and its so weird that she just disappeared? like she was here and now shes not? and that i cant call her or hear her voice is so defeating. I sometimes forget that this happened and would be confused when I enter the room and shes not there and then it hits me.

Even when my brother comes back home from somewhere, he calls out mummy out of habit and its so heartbreaking. I hadnt seen her for 6 months and hadnt talked to her for a week and it aches so much.

It happened aroumd 9 am on 14th december and aroud 9 am on 13th december, i dreamt of her and i usually domt dream of her. I should have takem it as a sign but i just shrugged it away.

I have so many regrets and I dont know what to do with them

 

Winter 17, please google Kristin Neff Self Compassion audios. Listen to the 5 minute one. We must be very gentle and compassionate with ourselves. My name is Gary and my girlfriend Cheryl died suddenly and unexpectedly of a cardiac arrest almost 20 months ago. I was Cheryl’s first responder. Grief is toxic if we don’t give ourselves permission to mourn. Google 6 needs of the mourner also. It is an overview of the process of the grief recovery. I have been to many grief support meetings and I’m still in therapy. This is a safe place to express your grief. It’s a long way back to a sense of normalcy without the ones we have lost. You are worth the effort. Gary