Lost my Mom two weeks ago to stomach cancer

I am so heartbroken I could die. I thought it would get better as days went by, but it gets worse and more painful. I saw my mom every day she was in the hospital for three months and enjoyed our conversations even when she was confused and not making any sense. She suffered so much from her diagnosis until she was hospitalized. Her last days were so brutal that I cry every day thinking about the suffering she went through. I tried to be delusional and convince myself that she's at peace, but I saw her 30 minutes after she passed away and she didnt look like it was easy for her. She's still not been laid to rest since the bill was so high, so I have to go back to the hospital every day to deal with it. It's literally killing me every day and I want to believe in the afterlife so bad, so I can look forward to dying to reunite with her. She was my only friend. The only phone call or text I received multuple times a week. How do I remember our happy memories, for those who have been able to get to that point? I can't even seem to remember her beautiful face because she wasted away.

 

Dear Tareed, I’m so sorry for loss of you’re
Dear Mother , I am lifting you in prayer.
Do you live in USA?
Please take care of yourself, making sure you
eat nutritionally, seek counseling , being able
to talk with others who understand really
helps. Is there a Hospice support group
where you live?
Every morning when I awake I start
my day with a prayer,
“ God is my Strength.”I pray this for you.
Sincerely, Patti

 

Hey, Patti. Thank you so much for your response. I'm not in the USA. I'm in Kenya. I've been praying every day, for my self and my mom's soul. I can't stop thinking about whether she is at peace or not. It's all I think about. My mother was not in hopsice. Rather, we let her stay in ICU where she was only receiving palliative care. We thought when God performs a miracle, we want to have her ready to receive it. It never happened.

 

Hi Tareed, my apologies for not replying
sooner, Just did get back on line.
Tareed, I BELEVE God Loves ALL , each &
everyone of us, I read from your post your
Faith through your writings. I pray God gives
your heart and mind peace that your Mother
is in Heaven. Sounds like she raised a mighty
fine son in you Tareed,
As I speak of my Faith, it’s my personal
relationship with God.
Brief detail,of my losses, my Papa 2013,
my Mama 2014, My only Sis in law 2015, my
Only brother 2016, My Dearest husband
Nov 7 2016. ,( Blessed married 61 years. )
I totally took are of Jack 24-7 his last nine
years. My brother was laid to rest same day &
time Jesus took my husband from my arms
to be in Heaven with God. I prayed many times
over for healing for Jack, but only if it
was God’s Will. I Believe with all my heart
It was Jack’s healing miracle, and his time.
I miss him with all my being, every morning
upon awakening I cry but through those tears,
I learnt why God gave us tears. My own best
explanation is first of all Love, Gratitude,
Appreciation, ect.ect.
I have Assurance knowing in God’s
timing that I too will be united with my
Dear Jack and other loved ones.
Tareed please remember to be kind to
yourself, there is no time limit on grief,
this site is so helpful, you are amongst
so many that understand. I am keeping
you in prayer.
Blessings,
Sincerely Patti

 

I'm so sorry Patti, that you have experienced such great loss and seem so strong in your faith. My mother was a single mom. I feel so angry that I have no one. I am so angry that she suffered so much. Her's and my faith were so strong that we never had a good bye conversation. Everyday, we expected a miracle. We prayed so much. And I feel like it was all for nothing. The only thing keeping me believing is the desire to reunite with her. And I know I have to believe and maintain my faith to do that. The holidays are so tough. I wish to one day to get to where you are emotionally, to be able to have gratitude and appreciation. I will have you in my prayers. I assure you that yours have helped. The pain doesn't get any better, but at the end of each day, I feel like it's everyone's prayers that are keeping me going. Thanks again.

 

Hi Tareed,, thank you. Please stay here on GIC,
others on this site have been a real Blessing to me.
We cant hurry through our grief, I learnt it is one day
at a time. To be patient with ourselves, in sharing our
feelings and emotions is so important, others whom
have and are going through a great loss understands.
We need to let our feelings out and not to keep them
within ourselves.
Can I ask what your Mothers name is? Do you have
any relatives near you?I would think the Palative
Care has a support group that you could join there
Locally in Kenya, please keep reaching out to others
here on GIC.
Sending you big hug, and will be keeping you in
my prayers. God Bless You.
Sincerely, Patti