Lost my husband of 4 years and partner for more than 10 years

I lost my husband to suicide. I found him hanging to the ceiling after his friends and my younger brother broke open the door. I saw my whole world burning when I saw him. The love of my life. Our marriage had been going through a rough patch for the last 2 years because of his excessive dependency on alcohol, lying and family interferences. In a few families in India, it is still a big problem when a son and his wife decide to move out from the joint family home. We had started living separately since only a few months now. It was majorly my decision to move out so that we could have open communication and solve our basic marriage issues. He was a little upset but nothing significant. One night we were at his family's house for dinner. We had dinner and I went to stay at mom's place as he told me that he doesn't want me to be with him that night. Sudden rage due to alcohol was a very common behaviour which probably didn't make me suspect anything. I slept over at my mom's house. Next day I finished all my office work and went back home. I tried using the keys but the door was locked from inside. I kept ringing the bell but he didn't open. I called his friends and father. We broke open the door and there he was. I shiver every night and in the middle of night when I get those flashes. I wish he had not done this. I wish he had held on to me. I do not see any hope or future. Everything is just numb, empty and hopeless. I keep going through his photos, videos and messages everyday. I wear his shirt and his cologne to feel his presence. Everything is just so difficult now and I don't see any light. I don't know for how long will I be able to live my life one day at a time.

 

Dear girl,
I am so sorry that you have had to go through the torment you have described. I am glad you are able to express your true feelings. It is very hard to see any future when the one we love so much has left us.
Hang onto God. He can be your light in this darkness. May He comfort you and strengthen you this this dark trial.
I love you.

 

Thanks Chris for the kind words. It really means a lot to me.

 

Be kind and good to yourself. Take care of yourself so that when you have come through this you still have your health.
Love,
Chris

 

Sure, Chris! You take care too

 

Thank you!