Lost my husband after 27yrs

Discussion in 'LGBTQ Loss' started by Ellis Poole, Sep 6, 2017.

  1. Ellis Poole

    Ellis Poole New Member

    Hi- I lost my husband after his battle with brain cancer of 5 yrs.

    I feel scared and lost for tomorrow. I can't seem to function in my daily life and can't seem to move forward. I feel as though our friends and family have aubanded me and I feel they find ways to say they are busy. Were they only friends with him? They say to call if I need anything.
    I know that they are grieving too, but he was not only my best friend but my husband. It's like they don't even want to be near or even come over. I have invited several folks over for dinner or to just do things and never have anyone take me up on the offer. It's like I'm just going through not only the loss of my husband but our community, our friends and family .
  2. Richard El

    Richard El New Member

    Hello Ellis, I am a new member here. In fact, I have only just signed up for a trial membership; so this is all new to me. Yours is the first description I have read. What you write could truly describe my own experience.

    I am from the UK, but my partner was American. We had an eighteen-year relationship across the Pond. Naturally, we got together each year for extended periods too. Anyway, I lost him on May 1, 2016 to cancer: tongue cancer. I am having great difficulty getting over the loss. He was my rock. We even spoke of marriage, and went to see a lawyer about the possibility not long before he died. There were difficulties because I am a Brit and he had children, which complicated the issue enormously, especially as one of them is rather religious.

    The grieving process has been horrendous for me. I have felt so alone and isolated. The grief has been quite unbearable at times. It was made especially difficult because I was with him each and every day in the last three months of his life, observing him draw his last breath. It is virtually impossible to erase this from my mind.

    As if that wasn't bad enough, since losing him I have found many people––not all thankfully––to be extremely insincere and uncaring. From having my partner's attention each and every day (we were soulmates)––we spoke on the phone three times a day at least––I now find myself very much alone, not knowing what the future holds. Fact is, because of my experiences since his passing, I have lost faith in human nature.

    Anyway, your description of your loss spoke to me. I wanted you to know that you are not alone in your difficulties. I have faced similar difficulties. In your case, you lost a husband: it must have been extremely difficult for you. Brain cancer is absolutely indescribably horrendous. My father had it; so I know exactly what brain cancer means. I know what the operation entails.

    My very good wishes to you. I hope you find happiness again. I really do. If you feel like responding, I would love to hear from you. Very best wishes.