Lost my dear sister in June, 2026

Hello, I was lead to this site.
I lost my dear sister 4 months ago. She had a rare, terminal illness called Multiple Symptom Atrophy, or MSA. I’m still perplexed as to how she got it, and why. Nothing like this us in our genetics, and we have longevity on both sides (our grandma lived to 100, our mom still alive at 88).
She was finally diagnosed last July, 2025. I flew up to see her 3 times in the past year . My first visit was tough. There wasn’t much to her, but she would still get herself up to go the bathroom. And we cried, as she saw me. And she told me ok my first visit that she wanted her 37 year old daughter to have her wedding ring

My heart is broken and aches after losing her . She was only 63 years old, I am now 62. I have 3 other siblings, one of 5, but was closest to her .

When my sister was admitted to the hospital for a second time in May, 2026, my older brother told me I should come . Mind you she had been in two weeks earlier with pheunonia, but her body was able to fight it off. My sister fought to the end . She was a fighter . She wanted to live. Never gave up , and had the best attitude even though she was bedridden and could not move, nor feed herself . It was torture her to see her in that condition .. being such a feisty , athletic woman with spunk and vitality .

I flew up from Florida to be with her.
I spent three days with her at the hospital.

my oldest sister flew up 2 days later as well.

my sister was still alert , mentally coherent and conscious.

At one time I had the opportunity to tell her everything I wanted to, to say my goodbyes. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do in my life. I told her how much I loved her, how proud I am of her, how she fought so hard to heal , has an amazing attitude and I learned from her.

Her eyes started welling with tears.. but I continued . Told her that she and I had been blessed with marrying good men, and in happy marriages. That she raised amazing kids (both now adults in their 30s), and that it’s okay for her to go, she’s fought long enough, we will be fine, and that I’ll be there for her daughter who’s middle name is mine.

I told her she’s beautiful, thanked her for being an amazing sister , that I’ll miss her , and to please meet me in heaven one day when it’s my turn.
The next day , she had decided that she wanted to go home with hospice care .

when I saw her that Thursday, she was just so happy knowing she was going home. She smiled as I greeted her , and told me “I’m going home “.

I smiled and told her “I know, I’m so happy for you “. But I lied . To me , going home meant she was going home to die, and home to heaven.

They brought her home on a Friday.

So I went to bed, looking forward to seeing her again.

That night, my sister in law knocked on my door at 1 am ( my older brothers wife whose house I had been staying at for 1 week ), and said “I’m sorry to wake you, but Lisa (her name), passed away, her husband had just called.

we were all invited to go out to the house . To see her one last time , and say our goodbyes.

I was proud and happy that my sister let go, and passed away at her home, with seeing all her family, after only 3 days of coming home from the hospital.
I kissed her on the forehead, told her I loved her, and will see her again. And while mg brother and sister in law were in the room , I said “to be absent from the body , is to be present with the lord “, which my strong Christian beliefs taught

my sister was cremated. I didn’t know the arrangements. I found out there was an obituary the next day.

My other sister in law , the family members paying some of their bills, took it upon herself to do it.

her obituary was not how I would have written it. It was but written in love . I felt hurt and anger that I was not able to write my own sister’s obituary! She was my best friend, my sister, my twin of 61 years! What kind of unkind, nasty person does that? But, that’s always been my other sister in law. She was always a bxxch, only child, and an attorney who thought she was superior to my other siblings and I .

I watched a video .. it said losing a sibling is hard, because you lose your past, and your future.

no one understands. Only she knows my childhood, understood what we both went thru and endured (lack of support…financially, emotionally, lack of love, nurturing, guidance) , we raised ourselves.
I was looking forward to us both retiring.. and spending time together again, like we did as teenagers. Driving in a car together, going to the mall, friendlys ice cream , listening to our 70s and 80s music, playing REO Speedwagon’s “Roll with the changes and Time for me to fly “.

It’s been 4 months , and it doesn’t seem real . That she’s gone, no longer here.
Maybe because I live in Florida, she lived in NY.

my head knows that it is.. but my heart is heavy and heartbroken .

It’s painful for me. I am an empath, feel deeply.

And my siblings are estranged. My younger brother and I used to be close. Since he married his wife, the only child, narcissistic attorney, he’s changed . He’s cold, he’s angry .

my mom is like a rock .. no warmth, and vain. Always about her.. only my sister really understood how my mom was. Dramatic, always about her, and masculine.

I want my sister Lisa back . I miss my best friend. I’m semi retire after all of this. And my dream was to see and visit her more. But, not meant to be.

I feel lost, numb, wanting to be alone, in nature, with my dog, my husband, and to spend time alone reflecting, grieving , talking and being with God.

no other person can heal me, or my heart.

but i know others here have the same grief, the same feelings, the same loss.

I’ve lost my compass…. My foundation in her, my history, my past, my childhood, part of my identity and who I am. No one else shared this with me.. or understands. No one else has those memories, my shared stories , there’s no one else to talk to about it. Or our family dynamics or dysfunction.

I know grief takes time.

she’s been in a few of my dreams. I was close to it dad too, and he came to me in dreams, one day I smelled his cologne.

I know they are both together in heaven , with my loving in-laws, and my 19 year old nephew.

I just try to barter with God. Please stop taking the family members I’m closest too .

I have my mom, and 3 other siblings remaining , but I feel like an orphan . There’s no family connection there, no closeness, no communication, and I have no more energy or

thank you for letting me share. I loved my sister dearly. That’s why my grief is so hard and not letting up

I feel like no one understands, or worse.. no one cares.

i know there’s others on here that do, and have and are experiencing similar losses and feelings.

may God comfort us all.. and in time, bring our broken hearts healing. I miss her . I want her back. She didn’t deserve to die at 63, she had dreams , had a hard life.. but she lived with dignity . I want the ending to her life to be different. She was simple, kind, humble, and deserved so much more, especially a long life with her dear, devoted and loving husband and family.

every day I struggle. Maybe I’ll attend grief share again . It helped when my dad passed suddenly in an accident. Our family didn’t come together then either. Sad .