Four weeks ago, I lost my boyfriend of three years to suicide. I'm really young, I'm still in my last year of college. He was my best friend and my biggest supporter. I didn't know myself until I met him, he gave me so much confidence and security. He helped me grow into my own person. Recently, I've started feeling painfully lonely. At first, I had a whole community of friends and family who were reaching out to me 24/7 so I never really felt alone, but now everyone is seeming to move on with their lives and I'm still stuck here. I don't know what to do or how to move forward from here. My boyfriend was always there for me when I was feeling down, and I know he would know exactly what to do right now. The things I used to do to make me feel better aren't working. Does anyone have any advice?
Scorbett, I'm very sorry to hear that your boyfriend took his own life. Suicide is a horrible thing for anybody, but especially for someone so young. You did the right thing to get on Grief in Common. All of us have lost our soulmates. My wife died suddenly, in front of me, exactly 3 years ago. We were married 25 years, longer than you've been alive. I found out about this site from my grief therapist. and joined the end of July. I woke up in the middle of the night and found you. I live on the coast of Massachusetts, so we live in different time zones. Can you see a counselor, who deals in grief? Please don't try to handle your anguish on your own. My wife's name was Linda. My name is Lou. I chose Van Gogh as my user name, bc he was a tortured soul. I'm better now, bc I can rely on some good people. But, if they're not available, I can get on Grief in Common (GIC), 24/7. I've made close friends here, men and women, from all over the country. Lou
Scorbett, I think that Lou, one of the good friends I've made on this site, has given you some good advice. I think finding a counselor who specializes in grief is one of the best thing you can do to help yourself heal. Also, if there is a bereavement support group near you, I would suggest going to a meeting. If you don't find it to be helpful, you don't need to return. However, the medical social worker who ran the bereavement support group I used to attend, said to attend two meetings before making a decision about whether or not to return. I think his advice was good advice. You are very young to have to go through this horrific, worst kind of pain imaginable, without being surrounded by those who "get" the total heartbreak you're going through. Although friends and family mean well, unless they have been through this kind of loss, don't "get" it, and aren't able to give you the support you need. They don't understand that it isn't possible to move forward in four short weeks!!!, and that you're going to need their support for a very long time. I've found that joining this site has been one of the best things I've done since my husband, Bob, passed away over seven months ago. I have made many friends here, who have given me an amazing amount of support. I know there is a group of people here who have lost loved ones to suicide. I hope you will reach out to them. I am very glad you found us, but so sorry you have to be here. Sometimes it can take awhile to get responses, so please!!! don't get discouraged if you don't get many replies at first. I hope others will respond to you who are in a better position than I am to help you. The path towards healing is a very long one, causing us to stumble, trip and fall along the way, but eventually, with the help of caring people and lots of time, we will heal. I know what I just said doesn't help you, but please try to keep this in the back of your mind. You are so young..., you have your entire life ahead of you..., I'm positive your boyfriend would want you to be happy. Sending you lots of hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
