Lost my best friend from mental illness... suggestions?

Hello, I'm 54 and have been in a close friend relationship for over 24 years. We were like sisters, always telling each other we loved each other when we said goodbye, and sharing our joys and worries together.

I have panic attacks ( which she is well aware of) and had a huge one during a phone call to her. I don't even remember talking to her, truly.

I hurt her feeings and she said she thinks she's been enabling me all these years because I have depression and I should snap out of it. She has ghosted me after those words.

What do I do? She has blocked me and I have no way to communicate but a letter. I'm so sorry for what I said and did but if she rant loved me would she not forgive me?

Thanks.