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lost my beloved husband suddenly

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by Hajni, Oct 21, 2021.

  1. Hajni

    Hajni New Member

    I am Hajni, 39 years old and lost my husband suddenly 9 days ago. It was morning, he returned to bed after coughing in the bedroom, laid next to me then a few moments after he started to breath very strangely. I tried to wake him up without success, call the ambulance, but they could not managed to bring him back to me. I am so lost without him...he was the love of my love, we did everything together, work, having fun...everything. I am so anxious all the time, barely eating anything. I feel so lonely, I desperately want him back to caress me, to conform me, to tell me that everything will be ok. I woke up terrified in the night, wanting to touch me, to tell me that he loves me, I don't know how I will manage to live, to be without him. I love his smile, his smell (often I smell his clothes), his voice when is calling me, when he tells stories... I want to laugh with him again, to be happy again with him, I want him back so badly. Restarted to smoke and sometimes I drink in the evening to become numb and manage to sleep a little.
     
    Breathe Gg, linda_bs and Van Gogh like this.
  2. kdlinnell

    kdlinnell Member

    Hi Hajni my name is Denise I'm so sorry to hear about your husband. I lost my husband Tom August 11th to Covid. Like you Tom and I were always together, we finished each others sentences, we loved the same things. He was my best friend and the love of my life. Like you I miss my husband's voice ,his smile his smell all those things that I took for granted. I thought that would be there with me the rest of my life. I know it feels like a nightmare you can't wake up from, I can't tell you it will get better cause it hasn't yet for me. I have been having a hard time sleeping to and also been drinking sometimes to try to numb the pain. If you want to talk I'm here I know what your going though.
     
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  3. Hajni

    Hajni New Member

    Dear Denise, I am deeply sorry for your lost too...it frightens me how many us are in the same situation, and I honestly it scares me how will I manage to live a life without him, I don't think I will ever can. Somehow I think if I get trough this now he will come back and everything will go back to normal. I mean, I know with a part of my brain that he is gone, but this can be true, he would never let me alone like this, completely alone in this world...this can be happening, not to me. I feel that if I have to accept with my whole that he is gone, I will fall in something deep, dark and ugly abyss...cannot do that. I live through the day, but it is not living, it is merely like some levitation... You are strong and brave if you managed to survive these weeks, though I know neither of us have a choice. I hope you sometimes do get some rest and wish you all the strength in the world. Thank you for reaching out for me and your kind words...it helps.
     
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  4. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Denise, we missed you!!! I talk with Deb,
    George, Karen, Gary, Patti , and Stacey
    ( formerly "Marcey"), every day, but didn't
    forget you & your mourning for your
    husband, Tom, and caring for your son.
    Yesterday, on Halloween, the Grief in
    Common site was rebooted for hours.
    I contacted Karyn Arnold, the founder,
    bc I had trouble getting back on with
    our fellow "Grief Warriors". Was glad to talk with Robin (RLC), whose husband,
    Ron, died suddenly 3 years ago, right
    before Thanksgiving, like my wife. Linda,
    did. I'm glad that you reached out to
    comfort & welcome Haini. Hope to talk
    with you again soon. Lou
     
  5. linda_bs

    linda_bs New Member

    Haini and Denise,
    My name is Linda and I am a new member. I’m so sorry for you both and I understand.
    I lost my husband of 27 years, 8 months ago now. He died in an accident on our farm. His loss was very unexpected and sudden. I’d like to say that it gets easier but I’m still struggling very much. He too was my best friend and the love of my life. It is hard to keep my mind off how much I miss him. I have an adult disabled daughter who lives with me. She has been a blessing in many ways. But the responsibility of being a good parent is all on me now.
    I will say that friends have really helped and neighbors have been a huge support. The days are hard but we have to be as strong as possible and face our new lives. I have a good friend who lost her husband 5 years ago. She made the effort to get out and made herself socialize. She tells herself that this is her new life and she will try new things. For me, and possibly for you both, it will take time to feel any motivation to get out and socialize but my friend has been inspiring and her good attitude is enviable. Thank you both for posting and reaching out.
     
    Van Gogh likes this.
  6. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Linda,your story is truly heartbreaking.
    I saw your photo with your beloved
    husband and soulmate, You are a loving
    young couple. It is so unfair that your
    husband was snatched away from you,
    when you thought you'd grow old
    together. My name is Lou. I m older
    than you, at 72, but my wife, also named
    Linda,died suddenly in front of me,of a
    pulmonary embolism, after 25 years of
    marriage. She was 68. She was my best
    (& only) friend and family. I had to see a
    grief counselor, who later suggested
    Grief in Common. I wasn't ready to join
    after Linda died 3 years ago, right before
    Thanksgiving. But, I'm glad I joined this
    kind group now. May I ask your husband's
    name? It helped me to say my wife's name,
    Linda, bc it keeps her spirit alive.I sobbed
    at the horror of seeing Linda collapse in
    the rehab; nursing home, where she was
    doing physical therapy. I'm stronger now,
    and don't cry every morning. I like to get
    on GIC first thing , and again, before
    bedtime.I am usually in bed at 9:30 pm,
    but I was out, so I'm exhausted. Hope to
    "talk" with you soon. Lou






    ,
     
  7. linda_bs

    linda_bs New Member

    Lou,
    Thank you so much for responding to my post. Your kindness is so appreciated. My husband’s name was Brian. Brian is and always will be in my heart and thoughts, just as you keep your Linda’s spirit alive with you.
    I appreciate getting to know others who have been through loss as well. I feel we are kindred spirits sharing in our grief. All my best to you.
     
    Van Gogh likes this.
  8. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Linda,
    Thank you so much for responding to me
    just now, and telling me the name of your
    husband is Brian, I say IS and not WAS,
    bc he will always be your husband, in
    mind and spirit. After 3 years since my
    wife Linda's death, I've discovered that my
    main purpose in life, is to comfort others
    as I've been comforted. I had 2 emotional
    encounters today. One with a divorced
    mother of 3 adult children. We had met
    recently in a coffee shop & were both
    laughing about something, but I sensed a
    sadness about her. We ran into each
    other this afternoon, and we were honest
    with each other. I told her about Linda, and that I live alone now. She started
    crying, and told me she cries every
    morning for her lost life, and I told her I
    cry most mornings, before I walk outside
    Both of us are relieved
    that we opened up to each other, and
    formed a bond. At the end of the day,
    when the temps dropped, I went into a
    shop, and talked with the asst. mgr when
    there were no customers. She had such a
    kind face, that we had a long talk, too. We
    both had tragedy in our lives. Her husband
    died years ago, and she has a boyfriend
    now. I told her that when Linda became
    ill, she told me that whatever happened
    to her, that I promise her I'd be happy.
    She even said she didn't want me to live
    alone, and to find another woman. I didn't
    want to hear it. I am not actively seeking
    a woman, but I can't rule out companionship, someone with whom to
    take a walk by the ocean, share a laugh,
    or maybe a meal. Welcome to GIC. Linda
    is a beautiful name, but not as many
    baby girls have that name now. Lou
     
  9. Lynnec9572

    Lynnec9572 New Member

    Hello. I lost my husband on Oct. 19th of this year. Heart failure. Was very unexpected but he seemed to go peacefully. For the first six weeks, I think I was in a kind of shock. Nothing seemed to affect me...i just put my head down and did what I needed to do for the day (we ran a business together for over 30 years, were married 34). Since Thanksgiving, however, I can't seem to focus or function. Everything reminds me of him. I keep thinking I will see him walking in the door or up the stairs from his man cave. I keep thinking he will be angry with me. He had chest pains the day he died. We were cleaning out our garage and doing some yard work...something I INSISTED we get done. I feel so guilty. Everytime I am in the garage or see the neatly trimmed bushes, I wonder if he would still be alive today if we hadn't done that work. We did have a helper but I know he did more than he should...he always did. Am hoping I can find some comfort among others going through the same thing. Thanks for listening.
     
    Van Gogh likes this.
  10. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Lynne, I'm so sorry about the sudden and
    shocking death of your husband, after 34
    years of marriage. The fact that his death
    was so close to Thanksgiving, makes it
    even harder. May I ask his name? My
    wife, Linda, died suddenly in front of me
    from a pulmonary enbolism. It was also
    right before Thanksgiving, 3 years ago.
    I, too, suffered tremendous guilt and had to
    see a grief counselor. She recommended
    Grief in Common. I wish I didn't have to
    welcome you under these circumstances,
    but I hope you will stay with us. Lou
     
    DEB321 likes this.