Lost my 22 year old son June 21st from accidental fentanyl overdose

He was 22. His name was Joel. Funny, handsome. Sober for 6 months. Thought he was taking Xanax. He died June 21st 2021. My first baby. I have a 19 year old son too. I’m also trying to avoid the grief feelings. I miss him terribly. Died in his sleep. I could tell he’d taken something. He said “no mom, I’m good, just tired.” I watched him lay down & cover up. Feel bad for not doing anything but had seen him that way before. Not since treatment & sobriety though. I’m glad I didn’t know he was gone the next morning when Icalled ambulance. Hoping they’d be ableto revive him. He was already gone but not for long so I didn’t know-thank God.Told his 19 year old brother that he’d beokay after he got to hospital. He neversaw him that morning. He looked very peaceful. He tried very hard. Father’sDay was the day before. His dad left us when he was 18. Told me on Father’sDay he wished his dad wasn’t a crack head. We all felt abandoned when my husband left. We didn’t understand addiction yet. Thank you for letting me tell my story. My boy is not struggling or feeling like he has to compete to be liked on social media anymore. He accepted Christ & is in heaven now. No sorrow, pain or tears.
Joel’s the one in between his brother & I at his brother’s high school graduation the month before.

 

I lost my husband of 15 years on his 38th Birthday in March. He had been clean for 16 years. His mom's birthday was a few days before his- he struggled with losing her to drugs. I never thought this is how he would leave us. I cannot bring myself to allow this to be his truth. He worked so very hard to leave that life behind and be a good father and husband and brother. I ask myself every day- how did I not know? Why would he do this now? Questions I will never have answers for...

 

I’m so sorry to hear that Rosie! Yes, we always know in the back of our minds that something could trigger the addiction again & when it does, we blame ourselves for not doing something different. It was not your fault!! Hugs to you & prayers for you!!